it was my disclaimer.
They didn’t do anything.
Me: I'm home
Dad: Hi home, I'm dad.
Me: Wow, way to pull out the dad jokes.
Dad: I always pull out the dad jokes. One time I didn't and that's how I got you.
You know what they say: You dim sum, you lose some.
I told her, "the box says good for 15-18 lbs! there isn't even 1 lb of poop in there now."
Co-worker: (looking at my jacket) "Is this felt?"
Me: "No."
Co-worker: (reaches over and touches it) "It is now."
I wasn't even mad. I was impressed!
Me (a seasoned dad): I can hear you just fine
Save them to your Phone and always have witty jokes at the palm of your hand.
3.14 percent of sailors are pi-rates.
5/4 of people admit they’re bad at fractions.
A bartender broke up with her boyfriend, but he kept asking her for another shot.
A brain walks into a bar and takes a seat. “I’d like some wings and a pint of beer, please,” it says. “Sorry, but I can’t serve you,” the bartender replies. “You’re out of your head.”
A cheeseburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'Sorry, we don't serve food here.'
A college education now costs $100,000, but it produces three very proud people: the student, his mama, and his pauper.
A couple of cups of yogurt walk into a country club. “We don’t serve your kind here,” the bartender says. “Why not?” one yogurt asks. “We’re cultured.”
A friend of mine didn’t pay his exorcist. He got repossessed.
A friend of mine is known for sweeping girls off their feet. He’s an extremely aggressive janitor.
A guy walks into a bar, and there’s a horse serving drinks. The horse asks, “What are you staring at? Haven’t you ever seen a horse tending bar before?” The guy says, “It’s not that. I just never thought the parrot would sell the place.”
A guy walks into a bar...and he was disqualified from the limbo contest.
A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender says, “What’s with the paper towel?” The pirate says, “Arrr! I’ve got a Bounty on me head!”
A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police ask him what happened, the shaken turtle replies, “I don’t know. It all happened so fast.”
Armed robbers—some say they’re a drain on society, but you’ve got to give it to them.
Barbers…you have to take your hat off to them.
Can February March? No, but April May!
Cooking out this weekend? Don’t forget the pickle. It’s kind of a big dill.
Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don't think they'll fit me.
Dad, can you put the cat out? I didn't know it was on fire.
Dad, did you get a haircut? No, I got them all cut!
Dad: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Son: No. What happened? Dad: The teacher woke him up.
Daughter: I have a lot of friends named Nathan. There’s Nathan Miller, Nathan Radcliff, Nathan Lewis… Me: When they are together, do you call them the United Nathans?
Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems.
Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head!
Did you hear about the aquatic sea mammals that escape
... keep reading on reddit ➡"Dad, my girlfriend is pregnant"
Son, I'm not mad.. Just disappointed
"Hi disappointed, I'm dad"
Son, did you just-
"Yes"
You're ready.
Go post NSFW jokes somewhere else. If I can't tell my kids this joke, then it is not a DAD JOKE.
If you feel it's appropriate to share NSFW jokes with your kids, that's on you. But a real, true dad joke should work for anyone's kid.
Mods... If you exist... Please, stop this madness. Rule #6 should simply not allow NSFW or (wtf) NSFL tags. Also, remember that MINORS browse this subreddit too? Why put that in rule #6, then allow NSFW???
Please consider changing rule #6. I love this sub, but the recent influx of NSFW tagged posts that get all the upvotes, just seem wrong when there are good solid DAD jokes being overlooked because of them.
Thank you,
A Dad.
Some of these are border-line uncle jokes. I'm also an uncle. I keep all these jokes in my dadabase. Aka Google notes.
Some of these I got off of podcasts, the dad joke API, some from movies, but most are from this sub. Let me know if you want a source for a joke or if one of them was yours I'll give credit.
It's ok to be Frank with people. Or josh with them. But try not to Rob or Sue them.
What has 4 wheels and flies? A garbage truck
If the USA is so great then why did they make USB?
Tesla founder Elon Musk is originally from South Africa. Which is strange.
You think he'd be from mad-at-gas-car
How did Jesus keep his abs? Crossfit
What does a Jewish cowboy celebrate Yee-Hanukka
What did the stamp say to the letter Stick with me and you'll go places
I gave my wife a glue stick instead of lipstick She's still not talking to me
Time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana.
What word starts with E and ends with E, but only has one letter in it. Envelope ✉
Why do people on Athens hate getting up early Because dawn is tough on Grease
What do you call a pile of cats? A meowtain A purramid
Why do fish like salt water? Pepper makes them sneeze
If april showers bring may flowers What do may flowers bring? PILGRIMS
Why do cemeteries have fences Because people are dying to get in
Did you know Bruce Lee had a Faster older brother? Sudden lee
Did you know he also had a Vegan brother? Broco lee
Pig black belt in karate Pork chop
How do you put an odd number of sugar cubes in 3 cups of coffee If you have 20 sugar cubes? You have to use all the cubes.
You put 1 in the first cup, one in the second cup, and 18 in the last cup. Because 18 is an odd number of sugar cubes to put on a cup of coffee.
I was going to tell your a joke about Yoga But it's Not working out
What do you do if your wife starts smoking Use some lubricant
did you hear about the woman with 12 breasts? Sounds weird, dozen tit?
What did baby corn say to momma corn ( I got a boy scout selling popcorn to eyeroll me on this one) Where's popcorn
What type of pasta do they serve at a haunted house? Fettuccine Afradio
What do you call a werewolf streamer? Liken subscribe
Why don't Elton John songs have a copyright? You can tell everybody this is your song.
My mom swears up and down cows arent real I was in udder disbelief
Skeleton goes into a bar, he orders a beer and a mop
Why does it take a pirate so long to learn the alphabet Because th
... keep reading on reddit ➡I am not mad. But that was a bald move
I just got a letter in the mail saying my garbage company is raising the rates and I really, really want to call them. Not because I'm mad, it's literally like .17 cents, but because I want to tell the garbage company what garbage it is that they're raising the rates and how this will drive the company into the dumpster then laugh maniacally and hang up....I never get to use garbage humor
A giant list of puns
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.
Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.
Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.
How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.
I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.
I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.
My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.
Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.
How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.
What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.
Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.
What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.
What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.
Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.
How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.
The shovel was a ground breaking invention.
A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.
What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.
I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.
What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.
I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.
Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.
Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"
Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.
Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.
A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.
After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.
I used to be afraid of hu
... keep reading on reddit ➡Guard: "I'm not mad, just disappointed."
(Remember kids, never let your guard down)
The bartender replies, "I'm sorry, but you're a rope. I can't serve you, and I'm not even sure how I could. Please leave."
A short time later, the rope comes back into the bar and asks for a beer.
The bartender, a bit annoyed at the situation, says, "Look, I told you I can't serve you. Just go away."
A few hours later, the rope comes back in again.
The bartender is getting mad now. "Look, I told you twice that I can't serve alcohol to a rope! Now get out and STAY OUT!"
Dejectedly, the rope leaves the bar and sits at the curb until a gentleman passes by. Suddenly, the piece of rope has an idea.
"Excuse me", says the rope, "but could you do me a favor?"
"Um... me?" says the puzzled gentleman. "Uh... I guess so..."
"Great! I just need you to tie a big ol' knot right in my middle."
"Well," says the gentleman. "I just so happens I was a former Eagle Scout. Here you go," and ties a perfect knot in the rope. "Will that be all?"
The rope pauses for a second and says, "Actually, could you pull apart my ends and unravel them for a bit?"
The gentleman obliges and goes on his merry way. The piece of rope, satisfied at its new appearance, heads back into the bar.
Furious, the bartender shouts, "HEY! Aren't you that same piece of rope I kicked out three times already?!?"
"No, I'm a frayed knot."
Guard - I am not mad. I am just.....disappointed.
Moral - DONT LET YIUR GUARD DOWN
I was on the couch, visiting with family. My niece is about 2 or 3. She grabs my hand and says "Ewwwwwwwwwww"
Confused, I responded "Eww?"
And as if on cue, she looks down and spits directly into my palm, with a small piece of food for good measure.
Ah...."Eww."
Her dad sitting next to me on the ps4 looks over and asked what happened. I explained what happened and we both laughed. I'm not even mad, I'm impressed. It wouldn't surprise me if she becomes a stand up comic one day, or at least the class clown.
My dad and I were arguing whether we were gonna watch American Sniper or Into the Woods. I wanted to watch the former while he wanted to watch Into the Woods.
Eventually, he started to say how Into the Woods was a better musical than what I wanted to watch. I was kinda confused and then he just said,
"How is it not a musical if it's full of violins? Ahe..he..he"
And he smirked and chuckled to himself and I am so mad right now
If your onion sang hip-hop, would that be a rapscallion?
I used to be an astronaut, but I got tired of eating out of satellite dishes. I wasn't allowed to eat the Milky Way, even though I had to look at it every day. The worst thing was, I never got to visit The Space Bar. Then, when I was visiting the dark side of the moon, I was bitten by a parasite. Now, you might think it's crazy, but the doctor who removed it called it a lunar-tick.
If "womb" is pronounced "woom" and "tomb" is pronounced "toom", shouldn't "bomb" be pronounced "boom"?
China recently tested a new steroid. It basically turns you into The Hulk. The side effect is it could turn you into a crazed zombie that tends to rip the upper extremities from people. People are saying that this could be the zombie apocalypse. In my opinion, lips have nothing to do with it. I call it ARMageddon. The only way to stay safe now is to not let anyone close enough to disarm you.
I recently was going to join the railroad union. I decided against it because it's complicated. If I received instruction on driving the locomotive, would they call it engineering, or training?
I got a sad story about a flower. I don't know who the heck she pissed off, but damn, now she's a Black-Eyed Susan.
I finally figured out what makes leaves angry. Fall. They get so mad they change color. Some are yellow. They're just afraid and run from their problems. The other ones usually just leave.
I went parachuting with my military buddies once. We landed on a department store. I told him I think we're at the wrong coordinates. He said: "Nope. We're right on Target"
I asked a psychologist if Native Americans have strong emotions. He said "Oh yeah, they're intense".
If a psychotic person thought something made sense, would that thought be psychological?
If Matt Damon were searching for a secondhand store, would he be Goodwill Hunting?
My friend is a Marksman for the military. One day, he went to the armory and asked for 3 snipers. They gave him a candy bar. It was a 3 Musketeers.
I want to be there if Dwayne Johnson ever uses a pizza stone. That way I can smell what "The Rock" is cookin'.
Christopher bought a lemon, and the car broke down. Now Christopher Walken.
Have you heard about the latest bank battle on Wall Street? Capital One and Chase got in a fight and Capital One.
You know what a pirate says to his wenches when he sees the shoreline? "LAND HO!"
A man finds a lamp in the desert and dusts it off. Poof! A genie p
... keep reading on reddit ➡Lol, on last year's Valentine's day my best friend had got mad at me for not asking my crush out.
We'd planned on going to McDonald's together because he didn't have a date either. When I arrived at McDonald's this f*cker was holding a cardboard box with a terrified look and when he saw me he immediately gave me the box and told me he'd already bought the food and that we better take the bus to my place. I just thought he probably was joking or something because the box didn't even have any kind of decoration, it even had a chips brand printed on it, but as we got to the bus and sat I felt something moving inside, I thought maybe it was a puppy or something, but why did he look scared of it?
So, we get to my house, I go to my backyard, where my then 7yo beagle was and I open the box. I could only see a black blur flying out of it and then heard my best friend scream. It was a rooster. He's terrified of birds. And weirdest of all it was a fully grown rooster but he was super tiny, like 10 inches tall tiny.
I asked him wtf was going on and he just kinda hid behind the backyard door and said "I bought it so that you could get some cock tonight". I always make puns and he hates them, I was speechless. So long story short I now own 6 chickens and 4 roosters (my mom got super mad at him for buying the rooster, but then she got super attached and bought him a chicken, when she laid eggs she let them hatch, the rooster's name is Enrique btw, my mom even made him a birthday party and all last week, lol)
A baker and his wife had a child. A lovely, healthy boy. Since the wife was mad about history, she wanted to give the boy a name suitable for a man destined for great things. Jokes were made, names proposed, but in the end the decision was made - they named the boy Attila.
Attila showed great potential from an early age - he excelled at sports, grew strong, but his other capabilities were astonishing as well. He learned and went through encyclopedias like a fire through forests. Surely enough, he was bound to become a great man some day.
Apart from being an exceptional young man, he loved animals as well. He was kind and compassionate, equally cherishing all forms of life. Since his parents loved him so much, they bought him all he ever wanted - but he did not ask for much, he was never greedy.
Growing up, he has received many animals as pets - there were cats, dogs, hamsters and even exotic animals - tarantulas, snakes, scorpions, you name it.
Their home became a sort of an animal sanctuary, and Attila took care of all animals with love and passion. But, the family business was starting to suffer when his father the baker got ill.
Being the amazing young man he was, Attila stepped up and started learning secrets of the trade - he started baking like no one else.
But, since he devoted his time to the bakery, the animals were starting to be neglected. He tried feeding them, petting them, but nothing helped.
Slowly, one by one the animals passed away leaving behind only the most resistant ones - the snake and a few spiders.
The spiders were easy to take care of, but the snake wouldn't eat, no matter what. Saddened, Attila came to his mother and asked for advice as he was all out of ideas. Of course, being the caring mother she always was, she passed on her knowledge to Attila:
"This anaconda don't want none, unless you got buns, Hun."
Meet James and Sasha, both 23, in a serious relationship and madly in love. James is worried about children, as he knows there is an honourable history of dad jokes in his family, and he is not sure he can live up to these great expectations. One night, whilst doing the deed, the condom breaks. They are both scared but after a couple weeks and no sign of pregnancy, they go back to their normal lives, and James goes back to worrying about parenthood. After returning home from work one night, James finds a tearful Sasha on the front doorstep. He sits next to her to ask what's wrong. 'Honey...' She replies. 'I'm pregnant.' James wipes a tear from his eye, and smiles proudly. 'Hello pregnant. I'm dad.'
My girlfriend is slightly mad at me for not remembering that her middle name is Marie. She's a sucker for puns and cheesy pickup lines, but I'm failing at coming up with either that incorporates Marie into it. Any help is appreciated!
… u/ebkbk for this post: Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian. made on 24.11. with 38.9k upvotes
[also already made by u/Tface on 25.03. for 16.9k upvotes]
Let's move on to the top 3 of each month:
January:
-
Is this sub still active? by u/I_Fart_Liquids on 01.01. with 36.4k upvotes
-
Gonorrhea would have been a great name for diarrhea medicine by u/daugarten on 20.01. with 30.8k upvotes
-
An open letter to the mods of r/dadjokes: by u/Alfie_13 on 27.01. with 18.9k upvotes
February:
-
Was watching Star Wars with my daughter. She asked why Luke was climbing inside a Tauntaun, I said to keep warm. by u/jakeisbill on 05.02. for 20.3k upvotes
-
My daughter asked me what I'm posting on Reddit... by u/madazzahatter on 25.02. for 18.3k upvotes
-
When a woman is giving birth, she is literally kidding. by u/ownworldman on 23.02. for 17.7k upvotes
March:
-
I got an e-mail saying, "At Google Earth, we can read maps backwards!" and I thought... by u/madazzahatter on 21.03. for 22.2k upvotes
-
Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. by u/Tface on 25.03. for 16.9k upvotes.
-
[When I reach home, my 1.5 y.o. son rushes out to the gate to sit in my lap while I park the car. Then he just grabs the steering and starts shaking it with brrrmmm brrrmmm sound. His cute antics always make me forget that he's suffering from a rare disease.](https://www.reddit.com/r/da
Not everyone has a method to their madness.
But could not figure out what to wear to the party. After a while the wife gets mad, runs to the kitchen and comes back out a bit later wearing nothing but a lemon between her legs.
The husband sees this, runs into the kitchen and comes back out a bit later wearing nothing but a potato hanging from his privates.
The wife gives him a weird look and the husband says, “If you are going as a sourpuss, I’m going as a dictator!”
A giant list of puns
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.
Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.
Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.
How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.
I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.
I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.
My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.
Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.
How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.
What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.
Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.
What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.
What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.
Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.
How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.
The shovel was a ground breaking invention.
A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.
What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.
I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.
What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.
I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.
Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.
Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"
Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.
Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.
A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.
After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.
I used to be afraid of hu
... keep reading on reddit ➡What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.
Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.
Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.
How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.
I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.
I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.
My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.
Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.
How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.
What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.
Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.
What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.
What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.
Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.
How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.
The shovel was a ground breaking invention.
A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.
What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.
I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.
What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.
I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.
Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.
Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"
Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.
Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.
A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.
After the accident, the juggler didn
... keep reading on reddit ➡Cow 1: are you worried about getting mad cow disease?
Cow 2: of course not... I’m not a cow!
Guard: "I'm not mad. Just very disappointed. "
REMEMBER KIDS....NEVER LET YOUR GUARD DOWN.
I love this subreddit but some jokes just come around 5+ times a day, would it be possible to remove -frequent- reposts?
As for the joke:
My wife got mad at me because apparently I have no sense of direction. I immediately packed my stuff and right!
(I hope not everyone knows my joke yet, haven’t seen it on here.)
Not only am I mad, I'm also mad!
I said, "Oh, how'd you get that?"
He was like, "I honestly don't remember, I came home and noticed it."
I put my hand on his forehead and said, "Do you have a fever?"
He said, "Nope, I feel fine."
And I said, "Good ............... it's not a cat scratch then."
He still gets mad about when I bring it up.
"Dad, my girlfriend is pregnant"
Son, I'm not mad.. Just disappointed.
"Hi disappointed, I'm dad."
Son, did you just-
"Yes"
You're ready.
not only is it terrible, but it is also terrible. Not only that, but I bought a dictionary there too, and it was completely blank. I have no words to describe how mad I am about that.
What can I say? I love puns, it’s just how eye roll.
"It's OK baby, I know you're not really mad at me, you're just ovary acting!"
"Dad, my girlfriend's pregnant."
"I'm not mad just disappointed."
"Hi disappointed, I'm dad."
"Did you jus..."
"Yes."
"You're ready."
"I'm not ready, I just told you that I'm dad."
and when they ask why not, as they will:
BECAUSE I’M NOT DEAD YET.
Got my daughter with this once a couple of years ago; she’s still mad about falling for it.
Gotten my girlfriend with it TWICE. Yeah, she’s a blonde.
She recently got married and took the last name of her husband, which happened to be "Kind".
At the wedding party, I got asked what I like most about my sister-in-law.
My answer: "I really appreciate the marriage, because no matter how much I annoy her now, she won't get mad. She'll always be Kind."
The look on her face said: she did not see that coming. She was annoyed.
...but remained kind.
"Dad, my girlfriend's pregnant."
"I'm not mad, just disappointed."
"Hi disappointed, I'm dad."
"Did you jus..."
"Yes."
"You're ready."
"I'm not ready, I just told you that I'm dad."
