why do we spell camouflage c-a-m-o-u-f-l-a-g-e

and not ?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xxaxis
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2022
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Yo momma's so fat that objects 5 meters away accelerate at 1 m/s^2 toward her. What is yo momma's mass if G = 6.67x10^-11Nm^2/kg^2?

Please, someone help me, I can't solve it and it's making me nuts.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/YourOverLordisME
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2022
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O.M.G...... A Tree Rex.
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2021
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A, B, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, & Z are all racists.. How do I know?

Because they're all not 'C's.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedPlanetCorridor
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
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*angry dad: β€œI can’t believe you could be so F*****G STUPID!!! I’m FURIOUS!”

Son: β€œHi, Furious. I’m son.”

PS Furious didn’t laugh, do not attempt.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CoinChowda
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2021
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Found this little ✨g e m✨ on r/technicallythetruth
πŸ‘︎ 77
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gacha_gurlOwO
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
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o m g
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/buibui123
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2021
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A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K,M,N,O,P,Q,R,S,T,U,V,W,X,Y,Z

Happy No L!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/big_macaroons
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
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O m g alright
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rypper12345
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2020
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Can I play World War Z without having played World War A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X and Y before? /r/ShouldIbuythisgame/com…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JonaSavage17
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2020
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Super freak
πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bellpop
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2022
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Office chicken
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jumpingjunipr
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2022
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What did 50 Cent do when he got hungry?

58

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2021
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All the best scales are tare-able, just like this joke.
πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jacobodman
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2022
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This could spell disaster.
πŸ‘︎ 60
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HypnotizeD_X
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2022
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Went to a party where everyone was dressed as a birthday candle.

It was a blowout

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2020
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Share your favorite Tombstone Puns

Halloween is approaching and I am making some punny tombstone decorations, in the spirit of Disney's Haunted Mansion cemetery. I thought it would be fun to collect some new ones from the reddit community. Here are Disney's crypt puns. Please share any additional ones that you can come up with.

  1. Asher T. Ashes (Ashes to ashes)
  2. Bea Witch (Bewitch)
  3. C. U. Later (See you later)
  4. Clare Voince (Clairvoyance)
  5. Dustin T. Dust (Dust into dust)
  6. G. I. Missyou (Gee I miss you)
  7. Hail N. Hardy (Hale and hearty)
  8. Hal Lusinashun (Hallucination)
  9. Hap A. Rition (Apparition)
  10. I. Emma Spook (I am a spook)
  11. I. L. Beback (I'll be back)
  12. I. M. Mortal (I am mortal)
  13. I. M. Ready (I am ready)
  14. I. Trudy Departed (I truly departed)
  15. I. Trudy Dew (I truly do)
  16. Levi Tation (Levitation)
  17. Love U. Trudy (Love you truly)
  18. M. T. Tomb (Empty tomb)
  19. Manny Festation (Manifestation)
  20. Metta Fisiks (Metaphysics)
  21. Paul Tergyst (Poltergeist)
  22. Pearl E. Gates (Pearly Gates)
  23. Ray N. Carnation (Reincarnation)
  24. Rustin Peece (Rest in peace)
  25. Rusty Gates (Rusty Gates)
  26. Theo Later (See you later)
  27. U. R. Gone (You are gone)
  28. Wee G. Bord (Ouija board)
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πŸ‘€︎ u/offsky
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2021
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A deer, B deer, C deer, D deer,...

... E deer, F deer, G deer, H deer, I deer, J deer, K deer, L deer, M deer, N deer, P deer, Q deer, R deer, S deer, T deer, U deer, V deer, W deer, X deer, Y deer and Z deer.

Wait.. did I miss one out? O deer

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OPettz
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2022
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A boy raises his hand in class and asks the teacher if he can be excused to use the bathroom, the teacher says..

β€˜yes but just to prove you’ve been paying attention I’d like you to recite the alphabet first’

So with his best effort the boy replies β€˜A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O Q R S T U V W X Y Z’

The teacher says β€˜very good but what happened to the P?’

β€˜Well this took so long it’s running down my leg’

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2021
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The Eskimo Restaurant

I went to an Eskimo restaurant and asked the waiter what was on the menu. The waiter said: "There is whale meat; whale meat; whale meat or Vera Lynn." I asked, "What's Vera Lynn?" The waiter replied "w-h-a-l-e-m-e-a-t-a-g-a-i-n!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chris378
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2021
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Waiting for my daughter to finish shopping when I realized...

The tides have turned... http://m.imgur.com/zAimxvG

πŸ‘︎ 256
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πŸ‘€︎ u/raypat7
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2017
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I was golfing with my good buddies...

It was a foursome... Al, Jerry and Gerry. To ease confusion, we just call the (G)Jerry’s by the first letter of their name... so Jay and Gee.

Anyways, we were playing the other day and I could tell that someone was wearing cologne. Why on a golf course? I don’t know.

Now I’m kinda sensitive to odors and aromas and, sure enough, after a few holes, my eyes start to water and I start to sneeze.

I turn to Jay and say β€œI think I’m allergic to someone’s cologne”

Jay responds, β€œHmmm, I’m not wearing cologne, it must be Al or Gee’s”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/saulfineman
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2019
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Girlfriend and boyfriend in bedroom together:

G: I’m going to the bathroom

B: Fine...

G: Hey! There’s a turd in the toilet in the shape of the letter U

B: Don’t you understand?

G: Hmm?

B: I dumped you

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πŸ“…︎ May 01 2019
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My dad just posted an epic dadjoke on Facebook

I'm thinking of opening a shopping center which specializes in only the stores you can never seem to find when you want them. For instance:

  • New Navy
  • Half Foods
  • Over Armor
  • Paper Clips
  • 49 Cent Store
  • Seniors R Us (really old stuff like antiques)
  • Tom & Harry's Sporting Goods
  • Pier 99 Exports
  • Yankee Light Bulb
  • O.M.G. Monday's
  • Due Pizza (It's Italian, not Spanish)
  • Rhode Island Closets (they are very small)
  • Open Space (think about it)
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlahBlahNyborg
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2015
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My son's first dad joke

My wife, 2 year old son, and I were traveling this past week and went through a drive thru for lunch. After finishing his meal, my son was trying to figure out what the bag said. Not being able to turn around and see what he is seeing, the following exchange took place.

Wife "Do you know what the letters are on the bag?"

Son "Yes!"

Wife " Tell me what the letters are"

Son "A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z!"

Me "Was that his first dad joke?"

Wife "He is definitely your son" and rolled her eyes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/steveh28
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2014
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How to do the stud finder joke - a step by step guide (may not work for all models of stud finder)

Discovered this today while hanging a curtain rod.

I am using the zircon one step stud finder, seen here http://m.acehardware.com//product/index.jsp?productId=1298011&KPID=997266&cid=CAPLA:G:Shopping_-Measuring_Tools/Marking_Tools-_New&pla=pla_997266&k_clickid=21a0e1ae-1f94-44cd-b27e-a6a83ba1fdc1

Begin by using the stud finder to locate a stud as normal. Release the button.

Lift the stud finder off the wall slightly and press the button. This will help calibrate the stud finder to "empty space", making it think that any hard surface is a stud.

Quickly place the stud finder on your chest, onto your breastbone, the stud finder should beep indicating it is on a stud.

Make joke as normal

This saves you from making the beep noise yourself, which, in my opinion weakens the joke.

This way the tool itself confirms that you're a stud.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jsgunn
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2016
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My Grandpa had to listen to me whine about my homework

G-grandpa M-Me
M- complains about homework
G- You know, sometimes I have a bad attitude as well. Have I ever told you about my Rectum Oculus?
M- ????
G- I have a nerve in my rectum that connects to my eyeball.
M- What?
G- Sometimes, I have a shitty outlook on life.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/phalanx1313
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2013
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Papa, How do you spell my name in greek?

M-Y-N-A-M-E-I-N-G-R-E-E-K

Son gives me a hurt look and I can't stop laughing. Wife just rolls her eyes at me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Darklightadept
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2013
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Guy comes into McDonalds daily with this dad joke

Me:M

Guy:G


M: Hello, may I help you?

G: Yes, number four, plain, no tax.

M: Ok, that will be $7.29

G: Ok (Hands over $7.30, (every time))

M: Ok, here's your change ($0.01)

G: Oh look I won the lottery!

M: (Awkward smile after hearing joke, once again) Have a good night.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bolomon7
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2014
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Directions

An elderly man asked me for directions today. I asked him if he had a G.P.S. so I could help him program it.

His response: No, I have an . M.A.P.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sittingonthepot
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2014
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The word we were looking for was "Sternos..."

Planning out the holiday potluck in the company kitchen.

M: Hey do we have any more of those things to keep the food hot? The chafing dish things. What do you call those?

G: I think they're Bunsen B-... wait no.

B: Burners?

M: Yeah but there's another word for them

G: Yeah. What is it?

B: Burners.

M: No that's not right.

....

M: We should ask Sean Paul. He would know

.... ?

M: Cause he be burnin'.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fullanalpanic
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2013
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A little Christmas song. A B C D E F G H I J K M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

NO L, NO L, NO L, NO L, NO L, NO L...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/December_Soul
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
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I have updated the alphabet for festive period. A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, Z

No-el no-L

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RikM
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
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A Christmas Dad Joke

A B C
D E F G
H I J K M N
O P Q R S T U V
W X Y Z
No L, no L
No L, no L

I forgot where I heard this but I use it every year lol
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all my fellow redditors!

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2022
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Why did A, B, C...?

Why did A, B, C, D, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y and Z all get sent to the principal's office?

Because they were naughty! (Not "E")

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2022
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Teacher: Sing the alphabet.

Student: A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, phosphorus, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, Z.

Teacher: How did you say phosphorus instead of L, M, N, O, and P?

Student: Because phosphorus is EL-EM-EN-TAL P.

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2021
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I commissioned an artist to make me a set of letters of the alphabet out of cast iron.

I received A, B, C, D, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, and Z.

I'm missing the iron E.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tratemusic
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2021
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You would expect A Queue to go in order

but it skips b c d e f g h I j k l m n o and p

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πŸ‘€︎ u/G3RRRIT
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
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