Whenever the clerk at the grocery store would ask my dad if he wanted paper or plastic he would quickly respond.. "It doesn't matter I'm bisacual!"
He said he liked wearing his wife’s shoes when she wasn’t home.
It improves division
So I figure this is a regular occurrence for people, and idk if anyone's posted about it before (if so my bad), but y'all ever get real worked up about gnats?
Like,
- It's not a mosquit-hoe.
- Still wants to bug me anyway.
- Can't call 911, so who do you call? S.W.A.T.?
- You can slap your knees as much as you want but it doesn't get any funnier.
- You might wonder if the gnat's a bit buzzed.
Sorry if these puns are so bad they fly over your head. Sometimes you just gotta wing it. 😉
They are all a bunch of posers.
They're big metal fans
*slaps knee*
There once was a greedy ore mining magnate who wished that everything he touched would turn into iron. He was careful to always wear gloves except when making huge loads of ore, except for one day when a mosquito landed on his knee. Not thinking, the magnate slapped his leg with his exposed hand. His knee immediately became metallic and the sudden change to his blood pressure caused almost instantaneous death.
Later in the morgue the Coroner noted that it was a classic example of situational iron knee.
He said "Thure" and then slapped his knee.
This past weekend my wife and daughter were on th couch watching cartoons. I was in the kitchen and yelled,
"What do you guys want for breakfast."
My wife replied, "oh I don't know, whatever is easiest.... Omlette you decide."
This was followed by the sound of knee slapping, and her gasping for air laughing.
RePUNzel proceeds to slap knee
Dad: "She's taking us on a wild booth chase!"
Note: He said this through tears of laughter, while literally slapping his own knee.
It’s twirly!! 🤣😂🤣 (Slapping my knee)
The cow has the udder one. (Knee slap)
Stay here, I’m going on ahead. slaps knee
Here's a scanned excerpt, via Imgur.
Transcript (Important part in boldface):
Extremely pragmatic and frugal in nature -- "a lot of stuff I see people buying is completely nonessential" -- Paul has a soft spot for absolutely any joke, and the more esoteric, the better. Instead of his proper name on his office template, "The Buck Stops Here" appears. The other day, he stopped me in the hallway and asked "What will the people carrying the coffin at my funeral be called?"
I wait.
"Paul bearers", he declares, followed by a knee-slapping hearty guffaw.
EDIT: Fixed Imgur link.
Tell him to mufasa
slaps knee
A Dictator
-my dad told me that growing up and I still get a knee slap out of it
you could say it
BURNS WITH DESIRE
slaps knee
It was hit and away...get it, "hidden" away knee slap
What do you call ten rabbits marching backwards?
A receding hareline.
slaps knee
My dad bought a new tool set and was putting all the tools in their place and he ended up saying this.
"Wow a hex key set, a drill bit set, and even a driver bit set. I guess you could say I'm set"
*Cue knee slapping and laughter
So I sent him to the army, he's in the infantry! "Slaps knee"
I was at my parent's place picking up my little munchkin, when my dad walks up grinning from ear to ear.
Dad: "Hey son, I came up with a new million dollar idea! Want to hear it?"
Me (already rolling eyes): "Sure let's hea--"
Dad: "Well you invent a device that lets you paint pictures on a TV with a remote control. You know, really explore your creativity!"
"I call it Mozart."
He then snorted and slapped his knee.
As we are driving we come up to a hill and half way up we see a man on a longboard trying to make his way up, when my wife points at him and says that guy fighting an uphill battle! Eyes rolled and knees were slapped.
We were heading home earlier today and we were waiting for the train
and she asks me if the train that was approaching was a C train
I nod and say "Si"; many knee slaps were had
Dad: "So how is the whole marijuana thing going out there?"
Me: "Frustrating, everybody drives slow, prolly cause they're stoned. There's a ton of traffic all the time."
Dad: "Well that's a.......drag HAHAHAHA"
I could hear the knee slap over the phone.
"Hey son, what do you call a gay Blackberry?" "I dunno dad, what?" "A HOMOPHONE! HAHAHA"
He even slapped his knee a couple times.
*laying in bed on my phone as my dad is standing at my door.
Dad: "What're you doing"
Me: "Just looking on reddit"
A smile slowly creeps across his face..
Dad: "What did you read" Then proceeds to slap knee and walk away.
At least he's cute..
My sister had just come back from a tropical holiday and was returning a garment to my mom.
Sister: "Oh mom, I brought your sarong back."
Dad: "What's sarong with it?"
Knee slaps all around.
Just discovered this subreddit and I had to share:
My dad and I were both sick during the fall (fall of 2006 or so, with the flu) and were watching TV, discussing our sickness.
I said "Well its fall, its full of grounded leaves, sickness, and misery."
Dad: "Grounded leaves? That's not what they're called."
Me: "Huh? They're just leaves on the ground."
Dad: "There's a name for it. Don't you know what they call leaves in the fall?"
Me: "I guess not..."
Dad: "FALLING LEAVES!"
He then proceeds to laugh hysterically, slapping his knees, and scaring the crap out of my poor parakeet.
We lived near a farm that had a corn field adjacted to the road we lived on. So I'd get this one on a regular basis..
*Us driving by the field
- Dad: Hey, don't tell me any secrets.
- Me: Why not?
- Dad: Because the Ear's are listening.
He must've thought that was the funniest thing in the whole world. "A real "Knee Slapper"". Then he would slap his knee.
My Dad has thrown me some pretty good/bad dad jokes in his time... but yesterday he sat me down on the couch and started telling me about a frog who couldn't get a loan from the bank. He looked really concerned and it went something like this...
"... so this frog really just wants a loan, and decides to try one last time. He walks up to the teller, a Mrs Patricia Wak. P.W: Hello sir what can I do for you? F: I'm just after a $30,000 loan. Can you help P.W: Wow, that's a really large loan. What collateral do you have? F: Just this little toy elephant (pulls out from pocket) P.W: I'm afraid that's not going to secure the loan, sir. Do you have anything else? F: No P.W: Well them I'm afraid we can't help you
And the frog starts to well up and cry, he starts howling inconsolably and is an absolute mess F: You don't understand! I need this loan! Please, my name is Froggy Jagger. I come from a long line of Jaggers, my father Mick is good for the money now please help me! P.W: I'm sorry but a little toy elephant is never going to secure you... F: I want to see a manager!!
So Patricia Wak goes and gets her manager, and the frog tells the man about his need for a $30,000 loan. The manager agrees and pulls Patricia aside to explain why...
P.W: I don't understand this guy, what's the deal with the little elephant? M: It's a knick-knack, Patty Wak! Give the frog a loan! His old man's a rolling stone!
Dad then proceeded to slap his knee and laugh wildly while I stood up and walked away.
(I think this joke makes a lot more sense if you're an Australian...)
