My pregnant wife just asked me if I think her tummy is going to get bigger for the next time she gets pregnant.

Me: "Of course it will get bigger"

Her: "Oh, why do you think that?"

Me: "Because, your body will upgrade from a queen size womb to a king size womb"

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
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Which playing cards are the best dancers?

The king and queen of clubs

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πŸ‘€︎ u/extremeavYT
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2020
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A king needed to name his soldiers

Queen: let’s go sleep now

King: no I need a name for my soldiers

Queen: k night

King: OMG babe ur a genius

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vampyblot
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2019
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So this is a pretty long joke...

So there were these two high schoolers, both madly in love. they were like the most well known couple around the school. so a couple months go by after they've began dating and they both see a flier in the hallway. it talks about the up coming school dance which is taking place next week. so naturally, the guy asks the girl to come with him. she says yes and the planing begins. he gets home that night and surfs the entire web for a relatively cheap limo company with still have decent amenities. after ordering that, he heads off to the local tailor and gets a suit made for in his girlfriends favourite colour, blue. then the week passes and he preparing to go and pick her up, so he picks up the flowers he bought her earlier that day and heads out to the now parked limo. he gets in and orders the driver to her house. he gets there and gives her the flowers. they go out for dinner at a very fancy place, him paying for everything. they both finally get to the school hall and head in to see all their friends. they have a wonderful night, dancing, having photos taken, they both really just enjoyed themselves. they even got elected prom king and queen! so the night is coming to an end and they both decide to sit down and have a rest. the girls feeling a bit thirsty so the guy heads over to the refreshments table to get her a drink. it's pretty quite there as in this joke, there isnt a punchline. ( Ν‘Β° ΝœΚ– Ν‘Β°)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RustyTyrant
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2019
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At my daughter's wedding.

Today I give you my princess to become your queen. Sorry but just like Prince Philip you don't get to be King.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sparkei1ca
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2017
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King and Queen

King: I need to find a name for the soldiers in my army.

Queen: Do you have any ideas?

King: Not yet.

Queen: Hmm. Well you should just come to bed, it's getting late.

King: No, I can't sleep until I find the name.

Queen: K. Night.

King: ...WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/erikdane52
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2017
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I think I've taken this one to a whole new level

Dave is working at his job at the Time Travel Factory when his partner Bob comes back in his own time machine. "Come quick Dave!" he says "I just got back from the Middle Ages and have met a prince!" So Dave climbs into Bob's machine and they head to the Middle Ages.

They arrive at a castle and immediately meet the prince Bob was talking about. "Your Majesty" says Bob "Allow me to introduce my friend Dave. He works with me at the Time Traveling factory." As Dave bows, the Prince says "It is an honor to meet you my loyal subject. I am a Prince. My mother and father are Queen and King of this kingdom."

"It is even more of an honor to meet you, Your Highness" says Dave. "I have never met royalty before."

"It is indeed a rare honor for most subjects." said the prince. "Because of a strict guideline of pre-arranged marriage and inbreeding, there are only a small number of us around."

"Er...ok..." said Dave. "So tell me Prince, how vast is your kingdom."

"It is most large" said the Prince. "However my population has been dwindling lately. In recent months, I've had to behead a large number of my subjects. It fulfills my bloodlust and desire for authoritarian control by any means necessary."

Clearly uncomfortable, Dave turns to Bob and quietly says "I hate to say it, but this prince you've found is kind of a bummer."

Bob said to Dave "Well what did you expect, I told you. I have meta prince.

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2017
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At school...

Social studies teacher is telling us about the types of government. She gets to autocracies and absolute monarchies, etc.

"So let's say I'm the king, (or rather the queen), and I say that everyone needs to eat cheeseburgers for breakfast lunch and dinner. And since I'm the queen, and I said so, you have to do it!"

This one guy on the other side of the room pipes up - "So does that mean you're the burger king?"

Urghhh

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πŸ‘€︎ u/scratchisthebest
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2014
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Dad and his thoughts on fast food

Dad: "What did Burger King give to Dairy Queen on their wedding day?" Me: "What?" Dad: "An onion ring"

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2013
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Browsing Netflix with my girlfriend.

My girlfriend and I were looking for something to watch on Netflix.

Me: I hear good things about The King's Speech, have you seen it?

Her: Yeah, I actually really enjoyed it. Queen Elizabeth is in it.

Me: Oh really? Who does she play?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrizzle08
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2014
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Dad joked my Dad

Dad is going on a trip with some friends, many who snore or have tendencies otherwise making them poor bed-mates. Dad says "looks like this villa will have a double and a few kings, to which I reply: "I just see a bunch of Queens, if you ask me." Got 'em.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/justobserving87
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2014
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What playing cards are the best dancers?

The king and queen of clubs.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheOmerAngi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2019
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Which cards are the best dancers?

The King and Queen of Clubs

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πŸ‘€︎ u/devildocjames
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2019
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Which playing cards are the best dancers?

The King and Queen of clubs.

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/oppy1984
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2017
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