I made this She's got of lumps and bumps but I'm overall happy she's finnished kings, queens, and non-binary beans I present to you, my Les-bee-ian πŸ˜‚πŸβ€οΈπŸ§‘πŸ€πŸ’—
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xxCandy_floofxx
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2021
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Why do kings and queens go to the dentist?

For a crown.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ScottyUrb
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
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What do you call the kings and queens of the beverage kingdom?

The Royaltea

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2020
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Did you know that medieval kings and queens were carried...

...Litterally!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lunkz3n
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2020
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If a King mattress and a Queen matress had a baby, what would it be called?

An heir mattress

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ArielSilvermoon
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
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Why were Kings and Queens good at measuring?

Because they were rulers

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2020
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If a King gets a King size mattress and a Queen gets a Queen size mattress, then what does a Prince get?

An heir mattress.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2019
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Why do kings and queens do so well in school?

They know all their subjects

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dameanmugs
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2018
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What is the drink that Kings and Queens enjoy?

Royal Tea

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Beanorockz
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2018
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Princess potato was disowned by the king and queen for marrying Tom Brokaw.

They couldn’t stand that she’d married a commentator

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CarterLawler
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2018
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[Long] The king and queen of Fruitlandia had a son named Melon.

One day, Melon met a girl named Cantaloupe. She was very sweet to him. They fell in love quickly, but his father didn’t approve because she was a peasant. You see, the king wanted Melon to marry the princess of Veggieland, Broccoli. The king banned Melon and Cantaloupe from seeing each other ever again.

However, the young lovers were determined to see each other. Every Sunday, Cantaloupe snuck into Melon’s room. They would stay up till midnight with each other. This went on for many years.

Meanwhile, the king was arranging Melon’s marriage with Broccoli. He was prepared to pay every expense to make the wedding excellent for PR. However, the night before Melon was to be married, the king found out about his meeting with Cantaloupe! He made Melon swear a Royal Oathβ€”an unbreakable promiseβ€”to marry Broccoli the next day and never see Cantaloupe again after that.

That night, when Cantaloupe visited, Melon admitted what had happened. She begged him to run off with her and get married, but he refused.

β€œI love you, but I swore a Royal Oath. I’m sorry, dear, but I Cantaloupe.”

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2018
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King and Queen

King: I need to find a name for the soldiers in my army.

Queen: Do you have any ideas?

King: Not yet.

Queen: Hmm. Well you should just come to bed, it's getting late.

King: No, I can't sleep until I find the name.

Queen: K. Night.

King: ...WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/erikdane52
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2017
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My wife and I asked a hotel for a room with a king, queen or double bed...

The clerk apologized and said that the only rooms available had twin beds.

Disappointed, I remarked, "I don't know. We've been sharing the same bed for 44 years."

"Could you possibly put them close together?" my wife asked.

Several people nearby smiled, and someone commented, "How romantic."

My wife finished her request with, "Because if he snores, I want him close enough to be able to elbow him."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2017
🚨︎ report
Kings and queens must have very bad digestive problems.

They spend years on the throne!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRtHonLaqueesha
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2017
🚨︎ report
Which playing cards are the best dancers ?

the king and queen of clubs

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MaCk_Pinto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2021
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What is the name of Jack Ma's elder sister, elder brother and eldest brother?

Queen Ma, King Ma and Ace Ma.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SiD_-_-_
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2021
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So this is a pretty long joke...

So there were these two high schoolers, both madly in love. they were like the most well known couple around the school. so a couple months go by after they've began dating and they both see a flier in the hallway. it talks about the up coming school dance which is taking place next week. so naturally, the guy asks the girl to come with him. she says yes and the planing begins. he gets home that night and surfs the entire web for a relatively cheap limo company with still have decent amenities. after ordering that, he heads off to the local tailor and gets a suit made for in his girlfriends favourite colour, blue. then the week passes and he preparing to go and pick her up, so he picks up the flowers he bought her earlier that day and heads out to the now parked limo. he gets in and orders the driver to her house. he gets there and gives her the flowers. they go out for dinner at a very fancy place, him paying for everything. they both finally get to the school hall and head in to see all their friends. they have a wonderful night, dancing, having photos taken, they both really just enjoyed themselves. they even got elected prom king and queen! so the night is coming to an end and they both decide to sit down and have a rest. the girls feeling a bit thirsty so the guy heads over to the refreshments table to get her a drink. it's pretty quite there as in this joke, there isnt a punchline. ( Ν‘Β° ΝœΚ– Ν‘Β°)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RustyTyrant
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2019
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I think I've taken this one to a whole new level

Dave is working at his job at the Time Travel Factory when his partner Bob comes back in his own time machine. "Come quick Dave!" he says "I just got back from the Middle Ages and have met a prince!" So Dave climbs into Bob's machine and they head to the Middle Ages.

They arrive at a castle and immediately meet the prince Bob was talking about. "Your Majesty" says Bob "Allow me to introduce my friend Dave. He works with me at the Time Traveling factory." As Dave bows, the Prince says "It is an honor to meet you my loyal subject. I am a Prince. My mother and father are Queen and King of this kingdom."

"It is even more of an honor to meet you, Your Highness" says Dave. "I have never met royalty before."

"It is indeed a rare honor for most subjects." said the prince. "Because of a strict guideline of pre-arranged marriage and inbreeding, there are only a small number of us around."

"Er...ok..." said Dave. "So tell me Prince, how vast is your kingdom."

"It is most large" said the Prince. "However my population has been dwindling lately. In recent months, I've had to behead a large number of my subjects. It fulfills my bloodlust and desire for authoritarian control by any means necessary."

Clearly uncomfortable, Dave turns to Bob and quietly says "I hate to say it, but this prince you've found is kind of a bummer."

Bob said to Dave "Well what did you expect, I told you. I have meta prince.

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2017
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At school...

Social studies teacher is telling us about the types of government. She gets to autocracies and absolute monarchies, etc.

"So let's say I'm the king, (or rather the queen), and I say that everyone needs to eat cheeseburgers for breakfast lunch and dinner. And since I'm the queen, and I said so, you have to do it!"

This one guy on the other side of the room pipes up - "So does that mean you're the burger king?"

Urghhh

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πŸ‘€︎ u/scratchisthebest
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2014
🚨︎ report
Browsing Netflix with my girlfriend.

My girlfriend and I were looking for something to watch on Netflix.

Me: I hear good things about The King's Speech, have you seen it?

Her: Yeah, I actually really enjoyed it. Queen Elizabeth is in it.

Me: Oh really? Who does she play?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrizzle08
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2014
🚨︎ report
Dad joked my Dad

Dad is going on a trip with some friends, many who snore or have tendencies otherwise making them poor bed-mates. Dad says "looks like this villa will have a double and a few kings, to which I reply: "I just see a bunch of Queens, if you ask me." Got 'em.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/justobserving87
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2014
🚨︎ report
What do you call the kings and queens of the coffee kingdom?

The Royaltea

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Which playing cards are the best dancers?

The king and queen of clubs

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πŸ‘€︎ u/extremeavYT
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2020
🚨︎ report
What playing cards are the best dancers?

The king and queen of clubs.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheOmerAngi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Which cards are the best dancers?

The King and Queen of Clubs

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πŸ‘€︎ u/devildocjames
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Which playing cards are the best dancers?

The King and Queen of clubs.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/oppy1984
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2017
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