What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
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︎ Jan 14 2021
Me (in UK): officer, just enquiring, are you a fan of the music of Sting?
Me: the reason why I'm asking is that you are a member of the Police
Officer: please, Don't stand so close to me
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︎ Jan 17 2021
Mate was feeling down so I told him there's a positive and negative to everything, you just gotta find it...
Poor fella can't even put batteries in right....
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︎ Jan 26 2021
What do you call a fortune telling midget who just escaped from prison?
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︎ Jan 11 2021
Heres a bacteria joke. If you dont get it just google it.
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︎ Sep 11 2020
Sorry New York Jets, but you just canβt score touchdowns.
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︎ Jan 23 2021
Do you know why the French eat just one egg for breakfast?
Because in France, one egg is Un ouef.
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︎ Oct 22 2020
Did you know that Shakespeare wasn't just an amazing playwright? He also made exceptional wigs!
His shop name? Toupee or Not Toupee.
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︎ Jan 20 2021
If you think 2020 was bad, just wait a couple of years.
Because 2022 is 2020 too.
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︎ Dec 31 2020
I explained, "You see son, mountains aren't just funnyβ¦"
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︎ Dec 08 2020
My 5 year old just got me with this one: What do you get when you cross a vampire with a snowman?
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︎ Jan 02 2021
my friend just told me, 'I hope you die in a deep hole filled with water'.
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︎ Jul 26 2020
Last Thursday my son was moping around and I told him, if you think Thursdays are sad, just wait two more days. He asked why?
Because it'll be sadder day.
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︎ Jul 28 2020
Please just take my money you deserve it
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︎ Aug 05 2020
Just a quick Thank you!
I've been sharing the Dad Jokes from here that pop up in my suggestion line. My Dad and I work together, so we're both off for the School break. Half the time he rolls his eyes and the other half he chuckles. So, thank you, Dad Jokers, for making my Dad chuckle in whatever this strange year has been!
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︎ Dec 29 2020
If you get hurt before you are 18, itβs just a minor injury.
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︎ Dec 07 2020
To all of you who have been disowned by fathers. In honor of pride month and on behalf of all dads of R/dadjokes I just wanna say, buffalo.
Because you can always be our bi-son, and even if you don't feel like shooting straight, we will always be trans-parent with you. You are loved.
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︎ Jun 14 2020
I just went to get my glasses fixed and youβll never guess who I ran into when I was there!
Thatβs right!
.... Everyone.
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︎ Dec 01 2020
"You just mark my words"
I said to the English teacher.
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︎ Dec 10 2020
I just downloaded the new app which will evaluate you bank account and tell you which Apple product you can afford. Turns out I can afford,
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︎ Dec 09 2020
If you accidentally drop ice cubes on the floor, just gently kick them under the refrigerator.
Soon Itβll just be water under the fridge.
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︎ Oct 12 2020
Did you hear about the mummy that just woke up and is still convinced heβs ruler of Egypt? When told βthatβs impossibleβ he flew into a rage, ran away, and jumped in a river.
People say heβs in da Nile
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︎ Dec 25 2020
Next time youβre feeling down, just remember: your plants are rooting for you. Literally!
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︎ Nov 12 2020
If you ever get locked out of your house just talk to the lock.
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︎ Sep 27 2020
Now you just wait there a damn second friend.. a little birdie has just informed me that you are in fact a mime
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︎ Dec 20 2020
What do you call a cow that has just learned to drive?
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︎ Nov 21 2020
I got into an argument with someone I thought was a "birds aren't real" supporter. I'm an idiot; they were just messing with me and they made some amazing bird puns along the way that deserve attention. The link to the post is in the comments so you can go give the user karma and see the context.
https://preview.redd.it/n7zvpwxkj6m51.png?width=1280&format=png&auto=webp&s=54f0549ebd3c055929698d6fef3bc05782bf5282
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︎ Sep 09 2020
Dad to Son: "Have you heard about the new online game that's just been released that's heaps popular and getting a lot of press?
Son: "What's it called?"
Dad: "Month."
Son: "Huh?"
Dad: "Apparently it's twice as good as Fortnite".
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︎ Sep 28 2020
My dad just asked me, βDo you know why dolphins swim?β
βThey swim for a porpoiseβ
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︎ Nov 27 2020
We have a joke calendar and we missed this week, my wife was having me guess the answers and we ended up accidentally creating this gem: what do you call a cow that was just born?
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︎ Sep 24 2020
What do you call a Teletubbie that has just been mugged?
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︎ Nov 20 2020
What do you call a cow whoβs just given birth?
π︎ 15
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︎ Oct 10 2020
Did you hear that the Air Force just bought a bunch of copies of The Little Mermaid on DVD?
They must be preparing for an Ariel assault.
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︎ Nov 08 2020
My three year old girl asked me, "Where does poo come from?" I was a little uncomfortable but decided to give her an honest explanation, so I explained, "You just ate breakfast, yes?"
"Yes." she replied.
"Well, the food goes into our tummies and our bodies take out all the good stuff, then whatever is left over, comes out of our bottoms when we go to the toilet! And that, is poo!"
She looked a little perplexed, stared at me in stunned silence for a few seconds and asked, "And Tigger?"
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︎ Aug 19 2020
I just got my girlfriend with this: βYou heard about that country named after Becky Stan?β
Her: βWhoβs Becky Stan? π€¨
... Ohhh πβ
π︎ 11
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︎ Nov 04 2020
You know why just the head of a statue never sells well?
Because it's just a bust.
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︎ Oct 16 2020
A piece I just finished working on, hope you all like it :)
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︎ Sep 13 2020
Do you think bakers just want some bread,
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︎ Sep 11 2020
Did you hear that they just broke the Guinness Record for largest pickle?
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︎ Oct 12 2020
Mine would just say "I'm glad you enjoyed my free Willy and we had a whale of a time, but we need to sea otter whales."
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︎ Jul 27 2020
Mickey mouse failed to divorce with Minnie mouse because the judges said βyou canβt just divorce with someone for being stupidβ to which Mickey said:
βI didnβt say she was stupid, I said she was fucking Goofyβ
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︎ Sep 13 2020
If you can't tritium, you just gotta barium
π︎ 4k
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︎ Jan 26 2020
Me: Honey, did you recycle the old computer, or just throw it in the trash?
My boyfriend: Neither. I put it on the .com-post.
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︎ Oct 08 2020
If you want to make easy money, just take photographs of salmon dressed in human clothes.
Itβs like shooting fish in apparel.
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︎ Aug 27 2020
Don't you just hate people who take drugs
You know like Customs Officers and police
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︎ Sep 04 2020
I explained, "You see son, mountains aren't just funnyβ¦"
π︎ 6
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︎ Dec 10 2020
If you ever get locked out of the house, just talk to the lock.
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︎ Sep 28 2020
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