Jrs Puns

Because he is Fe-male

He was good at finding solutions to inequalities.

"I can, sir...."

Wrong! Car accident.

Cause he's Dolittle now.

but now he is going to Dolittle

Note: RDJ Dolittle movie trailer - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FEf412bSPLs

... we'd be calling him 'Ferrous Bueller.'

You'd be truly passing down your genes.

Cause he's Moody

  :|

Doesn't he have people to do that for him?

It was making him Moody.

When Downey got the role, they had to change the movie title to Iron Man instead of Ferrous Bueller's Day Off.

Chef Boy Hardee

Contestant: I'm going the sing Somewhere Over The Rainbow. Harry Connick Jr: I think you should sing here.

When it has a child.

Alright, alright. The truth is. . .

She wanted to speak with the management of Isengard.

Pets I want to have....

An otter name Harry Otter. A snake named Severus Snake. A tortoise named Voldetort. A chicken named Kylo Hen. A dog named Barkamedes. A deer named David Hasselhoof. A turkey named Green Gobbleen. A cat named Captain Ameowrica. A stork named Tony Stork. A pig named Peter Porker. A crocodile named Croctor Strange. A duck named Ducktor Doom. A squid named Abraham Inkin. A goose named Ryan Gooseling. A heron named Charlize Heron. A goat named Selena Goatmez An alpaca named Alpacachino. A carp name Leonardo Di’Carprio. A tuna named Tuna Turner. A horse named Neighlor Swift. A toad named Demi Lavatoad. A Rhino named Ryan Rhinolds. A swan named Swan Jovi. A Falcon named Jimmy Falcon. A ferret named Ferret Faucet. A rabbit named Hoptimus Prime. A cow named Moolissa McCarthy. A crow named Seth Crowgan. A fox named Charlie Fox. A cat named Katy Purry. A wolf named Howly Berry. A hamster named Scarlet Johamster. A parrot named Squakin Phoenix. A duck named DuckleBerry Finn. A canary named Jim Canary. A swarm of bees, all named Beeyoncé. A sheep named Meryl Sheep. An elk named Elkton John. A bear named Teddy Mercury. A ram named Gordon RAMsey. A shark named Fin Diesel. A jellyfish named Jelly Clarkson. An Iguana named Eddie Lizard. A hyena named Hyena Bonham Carter. A penguin named Robird Downey Jr.

a ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Me: "Hey, you can get 2 Whopper Jrs and 2 small fries for 4 bucks. That's a good deal I guess."

Wife: "Well, it's kinda just like a dollar menu.

Points to each item "Buck, buck, buck, buck."

Me: "Nah, that's the chicken."

From my chemistry teacher; Frank Jr.

"Yeah I have the same name as my dad. You want to know his best dad joke? Every time he calls me on the cellphone, he starts the conversation with "listen, I'm gonna be frank with you"

Chris Pine - Pine scented

Cocoa Chanel - Hot cocoa scented

Beth Crow-ley - Rain, nighttime, and city streets scented

Tom Holly-and - Holly berry scented

JK Row-ling - Lakes and campfire scented

Miley Cypress - Cypress scented

Bob Moss - Forest and moss scented

Juniper Aniston - Juniper scented

Katy Berry - Mixed berry scented

Britney Spearmint - Spearmint scented

Bread Pitt - Bread scented

Tom Cruise - Ocean, salty, alcohol scented

Aurora - Nighttime, wind, whimsical scented

Nicole Kidman - baby powder scented

Justin Beaver - Wood, nature scented

Elvis Parsley - Parsley scented

Steve Cobs - Corn on the cob scented

Banana Montana - Banana scented

Orange Winfrey - Orange scented

Chris Bat - Nighttime, caves, and bats scented

Zoey Salad-ana - Salad, lettuce, leafy greens, tomato, cheese scented

Dwayne the Rock - Mountains, earthy, fresh, crisp, wind scented Jennifer Joe-pez - Nice hot cup o’ joe scented

Chicken Corbin Blue - Chicken and cheese and ham scented

Robert Brownie Jr. - Brownie scented

Sardine-a Gomez - Sardine scented

Daniel Rad-Clif - Clif bar blueberry flavor scented

Leonardo Di-Carp-rio - Fish scented

Halle Berry - Mixed scented

Demi Tomato - Tomato scented

Kevin Bacon - Bacon scented

Mandy S’more - S’mores scented

Mackerel-more - Fish scented

Broccoli Obama - Broccoli scented

WILL.I.SPAM. - Spam scented

Mark Buffalo Wings - Buffalo wing scented

John Lemon - Lemon scented

Shakiramisu - Tiramisu scented

Egg Sheeran - Eggs scented

Benedict Cucumber Patch - Cucumber scented

Adille - Dill scented

Kevin Spicy - Taco scented

Channing Potatum - Potato scented

Melon DeGeneres - Melon scented

Danny Burrito - Burrito scented

Michaelanjello - Red jello scented

Harry Panini - Panini scented

Snoop Hot Dog - Hot dog scented

Paris Hilton - Paris, city of love, generic love perfume scented

Morgan Whipped Cream-in - Whipped cream scented

Mike Fryson - French fry scented

Henry David Thoreaut Lozenge - Cough drop scented

Raisin Williams - Raisin scented

Robert Frosty - Vanilla ice cream scented

Jeff Onion-blum - Onion ring scented

Tom Skittle-ston - Skittles scented

Ralph Waldo M&Mson - Chocolate scented

Malt Whitman - Malt scented

(Friend and I came up with these on the ride down to Boston for a concert, after the “I wonder what Chris Pine smells like?” joke was brought up again from a previous time hanging out. I’m particularly proud of Bob Moss and Zoey Salad-ana.)

A settlement has been reached in one of the sweetest lawsuits ever to be filed in federal court, but details of the payday are under wrappers.

Daryl White Jr. of Belle, Missouri, didn’t sugar coat his anger about paying a dollar apiece for boxes of Mike and Ikes and Hot Tamales that were only two-thirds full. Determined not to be a sucker, he hired counsel and paid the U.S. District Court Western District of Missouri a $400 filing fee to sue Just Born Inc., the candymaker’s parent company, for alleged deceptive advertising and unjust enrichment.

SOURCE

Dr Martin Loofah King, Jr.

Trump Jr and Eric were mighty relieved.

Partytang jr (pointing at the Michelin man) "papa who is that?" Me: "that's the Michelin man, he makes tires for cars, trucks, and planes." PTjr: "why?" Me: "so we don't have to walk everywhere." PTjr: "why?" Me: "because then we would be sooo tirrred!" PTjr: "hahaha papa you are as funny as Louie CK" (the last part was paraphrased)

I just saw this when browsing Imgur's viral stuff. Searched here, didn't see it, so here you go!

http://imgur.com/gallery/uDClvJr

Knock knock jokes:

http://i.imgur.com/FbhaoJR.png

http://i.imgur.com/lV4fkX5.png

http://i.imgur.com/KhMJWE1.png

http://i.imgur.com/u5bGCKl.png

http://i.imgur.com/WV0ozHa.png

http://i.imgur.com/bnbQwMh.png

Regular jokes:

http://i.imgur.com/FSpBRve.png

http://i.imgur.com/BimhVEg.png

http://i.imgur.com/hmT1VXU.png

http://i.imgur.com/mOtfMsH.png

http://i.imgur.com/qHmY3BG.png

http://i.imgur.com/fc3M93G.png

http://i.imgur.com/IGErA97.png

http://i.imgur.com/DCN90VQ.png

http://i.imgur.com/zG5hetR.png

http://i.imgur.com/Ff1x8Zm.png

http://i.imgur.com/tUKALrn.png

http://i.imgur.com/0Coe17Y.png

http://i.imgur.com/S7gltN7.png

http://i.imgur.com/Pjs3xjN.png

http://i.imgur.com/VPnE7bJ.png

Not really a joke, but it sure made me laugh.

A few days ago I was working on an essay about Harriet Tubman. I finished it Wednesday night and left it in the kitchen overnight. At some point during the nighttime my father erased one of my sentences. It was something like, "New York responded to this incident with outrage, with most sympathizing with Tubman over her economic hardships."

He replaced it with, "Harriet Tubman wrote the first draft of the film The Parent Trap on the back of a Carls Jr. sandwich wrapper." I didn't check the paper before turning it in.

My teacher was not amused.

I volunteer with Jr. High kids and Highschoolers on Wednesday nights. This week we decided to play some indoor soccer, so we took out the soccer nets that we had stored. I see them and walk over to a group of volunteer girls and ask, "Hey, do you want to see our organization's goals?" while pointing at the soccer nets. They all groaned while I walked away laughing and proud of my joke.

In this interview (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ugLkMf6r7rM go to 18:15) of the breaking bad cast, Rj (Walt Jr.) Was talking about Walt's and Skylar's divorce and Bryan add in that it was a "Methy divorce"

Harry Connick jr giving a contestant feedback: "you're a great run singer..."

My mom: "I'm a great run singer too! I sing, and then everyone runs away!"

"My four year old daughter just made the best joke of her life regarding Mulan:
So we are all sitting here watching Disney Jr and they have a commercial for Mulan. I say 'Look, it's Fa Mulan!' To which she immediately responds 'Sometimes Mulan is Fa and sometimes she's near.' She didn't really understand why her mommy and daddy were rolling on the floor laughing!" Original post. Sorry if this isn't a proper post, I was kinda wishy-washy about posting unoriginal content but it made me laugh and I just had to share it! Hope it made ya smile :)