Jesus Wine Puns

Now,I have a theory that that was a mistranslation. I think that Jesus actually turned the water into beer, because everybody knows Hebrews.

All I can do is turn beer into urine.

One of them comments, while the walk over by a street, on the way to a bar: “I found a $100 bill right here a few weeks ago”

His friend said: “what did you do with them”

The other replied: Well, as a good Christian I thought to myself ‘what would Jesus do?’”

“And?”, inquired his buddy.

“And I did it. I turned them into wine”

Jesus was with Peter at a gathering (or something), and pointed to a bucket filled to the brim with water.

“Do you see that bucket over there, Peter?” Jesus asked.

“Yes, what about it?” Peter replied.

“I can turn it into wine.”

“No way!” Peter said, astonished.

Jesus smiled, “Yahweh.”

My wife and I are at the winery with my parents and the guy pouring samples is just flirting with all of the women, including my mom and wife, and telling dirty jokes, which is no big deal, but I don't really appreciate him calling wine "panty dropper" when he pours it for my mom. That kind of weird stuff, y'know?

Then he tells a story that he has an identical twin brother, and when they were infants, people would always ask his mother how she tells the two of them apart.

"I can tell them apart by their balls,"

And we're all like, "Jesus, enough with the gross out humor already," but he finishes the joke; "One of the babies bawls all day, the other bawls all night,"