James Burbage Puns

Was James Burbage Shakespeare's rival?

Here’s how I imagine would go:

Snape arrives in afterlife. Then someone runs up to him and slaps him across the face. Lily is furious.

Snape: Lily?

Lily: You don’t get to call me that you disgusting bastard!

Snape: I protected your son!

Lily: (Laugh coldly) Since when is “protect” to make him feel as miserable as he can, humiliate him, be totally unfair to him?

Snape: I did that all for you!

Lily: For me? For me! No. You did that because you were obsessed over me. You deprived my son his chance of family and the least you could have done is treat him fairly. I didn’t expect you to treat him like a king. Was it so hard to treat him fairly?

James: That’s enough Lily. (Looks at Snape) You’re sick you know that? I know I bullied you at school but tell me. What did Harry do to you? You punished a son for his father’s wrong doings? A father he never got to meet because you ran along to your master to tell him the prophecy?

James and Lily walks away together. Sirius comes and says “You’re an amazing Occlumency teacher. You know that?” and spits at him. Lupin and Tonks just looks at him coldly, Mad Eye looks at him with disdain.

Dobby comes and says “You is a bad teacher! For hurting Great Harry Potter sir!” Charity Burbage punches him in the face “How does it feel to get killed by a snake? Not pleasant right?”

Fred comes and sniggers. “Snivellus? Never knew that before.” and the victims of the first war all give them handful of yelling. “Death eater scum!” (Snape had no problem being a death eater in the first war until Lily was involved.)

Finally, Longbottom family comes, cracking their knuckles. “What did Neville ever do to you?”

Yes, Snape did good things, but he was only ever on the good side for selfish reasons. But he also did countless bad things. Just saying “Hey, you saved my son! Thanks! (hug)” just doesn’t make sense to me.

Defense of the dark arts requires its own tier list. Quality ranged from Flitwick tier (Lupin), to James Corden tier (Umbridge).

1 - Charms - Most practical application of magic, and Flitwick is a fun, competent teacher.

2 - Potions with Slughorn - Has as much potential usage as charms, and is taught by a competent teacher.

3 - Herbology - Practical experience with magical plants, used in potions and other branches of magic. Taught by a competent teacher. Second year students were able to grow and handle mandrakes, which were powerful enough to counter the petrification of the students that were victims of a 1000 year old basilisk. Herbology gets no respect. Potions and Alchemy don't exist without Herbology.

4 - Fanon Ancient Runes - Teaches the runic language and alphabet, and how to use runes to create wards and magical objects. Logical extension of an otherwise useless course. Can be used to explain long-lasting spells and how some magical buildings and spaces could exist, despite physically impossible proportions. The Burrow couldn't exist without magic, and most magic that is temporary from what I am aware of. Runes could hold power to fuel spells, and even draw upon ambient magic, to provide a common example. Blank slate teacher, who's name goes unmentioned in the books. Competent enough to satisfy Umbridge.

5 - Transfiguration - Powerful magic, with a competent teacher, but limited use cases. Very hard work, when compared to Charms. Conjured items do not last, and food cannot be conjured at all. Transformation of Humans and Animals is highly dangerous to the intended target if performed incorrectly.

6 - Muggle Studies - I was instantly prepared to put this dead last, as fanon portrays it as hopelessly dated, and likely harmful material. In canon it describes how muggles use electricity, technology, and science to function without the use of magic. Burbage believes in equality for wizards and muggles, and is passionately in favour of the rights of muggles, and muggle-borns. She was killed during the war for her beliefs. Should be a mandatory subject for students unaware of how muggles live, which would help to reduce Pure-blood supremacy over time. Teaches nothing to those are already aware of muggles, and how they live.

7 - Potions with Snape - Terrible, biased teacher that let's his childhood grudge against James Potter extend to Harry, despite him also being the son of the person he was closest to. Harry got the last laugh by naming his so

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

We talk a lot about how mean Snape was but was he actually that bad a teacher or person? I don’t think Snape was actually a bad teacher to any other students aside from the golden trio, Neville, and ofc Fred & George hate him. We never actually see or hear about any other students be singled out or treated unfairly by Snape except for Hermione, Harry, and Neville, he doesn’t even really pick on Ron. During Harry’s initial sighting of Snape, Harry he gives us a negative description of Snape which he only does to characters we’re not supposed to like. As far as his treatment of students, Snape singles Harry out a lot but that’s from personal hatred of James which is /not/ okay but at the same time, Harry is a smart-ass and a chronic rule breaker and he breaks school rules just as often for his own personal reasons as he does for the good of others. Ron as I’ve mentioned is only punished by Snape when he and Harry are together. Hermione, once again not a reason to treat a kid poorly, is a know-it-all and could do with some humbling up every now and then. Also making fun of her teeth was going to far. Neville is bad in class but also Snape took a jab at him during Lupin’s first lesson. Just because a child is nervous and a bit of a terrible student is no reason to make him feel even worse for his poor performance. I also think Snape saw Neville as another Wormtail, who he possibly hated even more than James, and took that out on him. Once again not making excuses just trying to see reason. Then there’s Fred & George. It’s Fred and George, need I say more as to why they wouldn’t like Snape? Now I come to the turn around. When we get to the Order members, not named Sirius Black, they all have undying faith in him, even Lupin. Even other teachers believe him to be unshakingly trustworthy. Flitwick believes he will help fight Death Eaters during the Battle of Hogwarts part 1. (I know it’s called the Battle of the Astronomy Tower but the fight started at the Room of Requirement and progressed all over the building.) Even better still, Charity Burbage, someone who knew for a fact that Snape killed Dumbledore, trusted him. Maybe she was grasping for straws because she knew what was coming but I think it’s because she still had faith in him. With her dying breath in the face of pure evil she held out a sliver of hope for Snape. She still saw him as a friend and staunch ally, even believing in him enough to think he would challenge Voldemort and a room full of

Do your worst!

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

They’re on standbi

Pilot on me!!

Nothing, he was gladiator.

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

When I got home, they were still there.

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

I won't be doing that today!

[Removed]

Where ever you left it 🤷‍♀️🤭

This morning, my 4 year old daughter.

Daughter: I'm hungry

Me: nerves building, smile widening

Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.

She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.

Thank you all for listening.

You take away their little brooms

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

It was about a weak back.

Why

It’s pronounced “Noel.”

After all his first name is No-vac

What, then, is Chinese rap?

Edit:

Notable mentions from the comments:

• Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits

• French/Finnish art

• Country/Canadian rap

• Chinese/Country/Canadian rock

• Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap

There hasn't been a single post this year!

(Happy 2022 from New Zealand)

Nothing, it just waved

Him: I can explain everything!

(It's his best joke yet I think)

Bob

So that I could frequently say, "I am going to walk 5 miles now."

Edit: My most popular post on Reddit! 😀 Thank you for the awards.

Just to clarify, 12345678

There hasn't been a post all year!