I was interrogating a crab the other day and I asked it βWhatβs your name? Where do you live? Whatβs that on your back?β
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︎ Apr 05 2021
I wrote down the names of all the people I hate on a piece of paper, but my roommate used it roll up a joint.
Now heβs high on the list of people I never want to talk to again.
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︎ Dec 03 2020
The final question in our pub quiz last night was βname the indigenous people who are often referred to as Eskimoβ. Iβm so disappointed I got it wrong especially as....
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︎ Apr 07 2021
Which county in England has just two letters in its name?
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︎ Mar 31 2021
Despite waging war in Afghanistan, most Americans can't name its capital.
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︎ Mar 18 2021
I saw another coworker using the mayonnaise with my name on it from the fridge in the break room.
I said to him, βWhat the Hellman?β
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︎ Feb 10 2021
I heard Dick van Dyke was asked to change his name because it was insensitive
Now heβs Penis von Lesbian.
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︎ Feb 25 2021
Benedict Cumberbatch got tired of all the jokes on his name and changed it to Benedict Batch
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︎ Jan 26 2021
Eating more fresh vegetables makes you an expert pooper. It's right in the name.
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︎ Feb 28 2021
Where did Arkansas get its name from?
It was settled by pirates from Kansas.
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︎ Feb 11 2021
I couldnβt remember this guys name but knew it was Nate Gold-something.
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︎ Feb 12 2021
Donβt know how to properly share with this but I have included the name of the original, most people didnβt get it(third line)
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︎ Dec 18 2020
Open a company for boob jobs and name it Entity.
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︎ Dec 29 2020
It has recently been discovered that William Tell and his son belonged to a bowling league. But Swiss historians have not been able to determine the name of the league's sponsors.
We may never know for whom the Tells bowled.
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︎ Oct 19 2020
I wanted to name my son Lance, but my wife said it was too uncommon.
I told her that in medieval days, people were named Lance a lot.
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︎ Aug 11 2020
I suggested a new name for the planet Saturn to an astrophysicist and he seemed to like it
He said it had a nice ring to it.
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︎ Jan 09 2021
It's his name, isnt it?
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︎ Dec 02 2020
Iβm not sure if itβs true or false that he is the Prime Minister of Canada, but that his name is Justin
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︎ Jan 09 2021
All these years it was thought that Yoda only had one name. His family name is....
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︎ Dec 12 2020
How did the Sherman Tank get its name?
During testing, the driver said he wanted to go 2,000 miles without changing the transmission.
The tank responded with "Sure, man."
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︎ Jan 03 2021
What do you call it when two Vietnamese people with common names get married?
A Nguyen-Nguyen situation
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︎ Dec 05 2020
My boss hates it when I shorten his name to dick,
Especially when his name is Steve.
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︎ Sep 04 2020
I've started giving things Arabic names for the fun of it.
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︎ Oct 16 2020
JK Rowling should start the first smart door company and name it SmartleDoor
You would open the door with a wand attached to your keychain instead of a key
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︎ Sep 20 2020
Itβs too bad Bruce Wayneβs real name wasnβt Bruce bates
Then Alfred would be saying Master Bates all the time
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︎ Sep 26 2020
Since this is a βNanaβ tree (common name for Juniperus Procumens Green Mountain Juniper bonsai), it was suggested I have a βbaβ. Therefore, since the stock ticker for Boeing is BA, I bought a toy 787. That means there is now a βbananaβ on the counter.
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︎ Jul 30 2020
I changed my iPod name to Titanic. Itβs syncing now.
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︎ Jul 28 2020
"Dad, I don't remember that guy's name, what is it?"
Mr. E.!
(Came to me in a flash, totally whooshed my son unfortunately)
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︎ Jul 06 2020
If Microsoft made a music player what would itβs name be.
Doesnβt matter. Itβll be gone too Zune.
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︎ Jun 30 2020
What do you call bread that doesnβt want its name out in the public
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︎ Jul 21 2020
I want to buy a female dog and name it βKarmaβ
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︎ Jun 14 2020
A detective was investigating a murder. He soon found that the murder weapon was the bag of the murderer and it had their name on it.
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︎ Jun 11 2020
If I get a dog, Iβd name it fear.
So if I lost it Iβd be fearless.
My friend also wants a dog, but heβs going to call it spot.
Heβs going to keep it strictly outdoors, that way his house will always be spotless.
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︎ May 03 2020
HELP! A random car was left outside of my house with my name on it!
I've caught the car owner virus !
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︎ Mar 19 2020
If Elon Musk ever had a sex scandal, Elongate would actually be a perfect name for it
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︎ Aug 01 2018
As I thought, the publisher of my book called "Bio" wants me to change the name. It figures...
That's the story of my life.
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︎ Jun 29 2020
Every time I enter a room, I write down my name on a piece of paper and stick it behind some furniture.
Thatβs my signature move.
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︎ May 17 2020
If youβre trying to spell the name βRon,β make sure you donβt misspell it by adding a W and a G
Because then itβs wrong.
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︎ Jun 08 2020
More degrees in Fahrenheit, celcius, you name it, they had it!
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︎ Jan 30 2020
"I can't believe it's not butter" is a really great name for the product
I couldn't describe it butter myself
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︎ May 04 2020
What did the orange name its biography?
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︎ May 21 2020
it's the name of the doctor
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︎ Nov 03 2019
I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. Now it's syncing.
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︎ May 07 2020
My boss hates it when I shorten his name to Dick...
Especially since his name is Steve
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︎ Sep 06 2019
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