$52.95 is an oddly specific amount of money...

But $52.94 is an evenly specific amount of money

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThoseMovieGuys
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2019
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Negative

True story, I work in the health industry, get to ask these questions from time to time:

Me: Good morning (of course no matter what time of day it is)! I have 4 questions for you, let’s see if you studied for the test...

Patient: (most of the time, chuckle)

Me: Have you had a fever in the last 48 hours?

Patient: No

Me: Have you had a persistent cough recently?

Patient: No

Me: Have you been tested for COVID-19 recently?

Patient (sometimes): Yes

Me: Do you know the results of the test?

Patient (about 85% of the time): Negative

Me: You don’t know the results of the test? (Straight face behind mask)

Patient: It was negative

Me: (smile and chuckle showing through mask)

Patient: Ohhhh! I get it! (Laughs 95% of the time)

Me: Dad jokes have to happen... πŸ™‚

/insert question #4 here, unrelated to said joke... heh

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cidici
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2021
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Twitter might ban you if you post a COVID joke.

But there is a 95% chance you won’t get it.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mikeiscool81
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
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In Jamaica you can get a steak and kidney pie for Β£1.75...

...a chicken and mushroom pie for Β£1.60 and an apple pie for Β£2.15.

In St Kitts and Nevis a steak and kidney pie will cost you Β£2, a chicken pie (without mushrooms) is Β£1.70 and a cherry pie can be yours for Β£1.95.

Those are the Pie Rates of the Caribbean

Credit goes to an excellent joke making friend of mine

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sassy-andy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2017
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At Mad Max last weekend...

The scene where Max is grabbed by the Pole Cat,

http://cdn.collider.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/mad-max-fury-road-image-the-war-rig.jpg

and ends up getting dumped onto the car with the drums and guitar guy

http://i.guim.co.uk/static/w-620/h--/q-95/sys-images/Guardian/Pix/pictures/2015/3/31/1427821675682/5e25da37-61d7-44fd-a9a3-b2f5b8b5a791-620x372.jpeg

I leaned over to my GF and said "It looks like he's jumped onto... the bandwagon" She totally lost it :)

πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ‘€︎ u/worldspawn00
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2015
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Conversation with son while driving down highway

[Driving down an unfamiliar part of I-95 highway with family (wife, 15yo son and 15yo daughter) when I had this conversation with my son:]

Son: Dad, where are we?

Me: Florida.

Son: No, Dad, more specific than that. Where are we?

Me : (reading exit sign) Wickham Road.

Son: Where's Wickham Road?

Me: (pause a bit for effect) Florida...

Son: (frustrated grunt) No, Dad, what town are we in?

Me: (reading exit sign again) Viera.

Son: How far is that from Vero? [our destination]

Me: About three letters.

[Satisfactory groans throughout car. Very pleased with self.]

πŸ‘︎ 186
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlmostDisjoint
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2015
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For the birds

True story:

Took my stepdad to dinner at Cracker Barrel with my mom and gf on Father's Day. There was an advertisement on our table for a birdbath they were selling in the store part of the restaurant.

Mom (seeing that it was $49.95): "I wonder how big that birdbath is?"

Gf: "I think it's about this big" (holds arms in a circle indicating about 18 inches around)

Mom: "That's actually not a bad deal"

Stepdad: "Well, yeah, but where are the birds gonna get fifty bucks?"

o.o

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NSFAnythingAtAll
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2016
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Vital signs

I'm an EMT and I was doing paperwork. My partner walks up to me with the vitals of a patient. BP was done with an automated cuff. Me: What's the blood pressure? Him: 165/95 Me: That's odd, heart rate? Him: 77 Me: Odd, respirations? Him: 16, is that odd too? Me: No, that's even.

I found it hilarious.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2016
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