A man was walking down the beach when he saw someone lying on the sand with a banana shoved in the ear.

Intrigued, the man decided to warn the person and said "hey, you have a banana shoved in your ear".

The person replied "what?"

> "You have a banana shoved in your ear!"

> "WHAT??"

> "YOU HAVE A BANANA SHOVED IN YOUR EAR!!"

> "SIR PLEASE SPEAK LOUDER I CAN'T HEAR YOU 'CAUSE I HAVE A BANANA SHOVED IN MY EAR!.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/defaultorpattern
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2021
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Am I seeing things now?
πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/orlanthi
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2020
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How do you intrigue someone?

I'll tell you tomorrow

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DreadedOreo18
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2017
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Freddie Sailor Mercury
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2018
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My wife's been re-watching the TV show 'Medium'...

I asked her if she'd seen the hard-to-find special season they made towards the end of the show's run.

She gave me a puzzled and intrigued look and wanted to know more info on it.

I told her I believe that specific season is commonly called 'Medium Rare'.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/braxistExtremist
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2020
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I started writing poetry recently

POETR

I think its coming along nicely.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CharlieBuck
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2015
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A struggling young news reporter was having trouble getting good sound bites from the politicians she was sent out to interview, so she invited an experienced colleague out to dinner to ask for advice.

The would-be mentor insisted on going to a seafood restaurant and then he ordered his favorite meal for the both of them. When the hard working, fresh-out-of-journalism-school grad asked the veteran newshound how he always managed to get witty phrases from the Prime Ministers and Presidents he interviewed, a sly smile swam across his face.

Intrigued, she watched intently while he reached for his wallet then removed a €5 note. Holding it toward her face over the table, she was surprised when the greying beat writer dropped the money directly on her uneaten dinner and held an index finger to his closed lips.

As they both looked down at the seafood platter, his paper Euro was suddenly sucked under the rings of fried calamari until it disappeared from sight. After what sounded like a stand-up comedian clearing his throat, a male voice with an Eastern European accent clearly rose out of her food. It said, "Trump asked for dirt on Biden so I sent him some good Ukrainian topsoil."

As the gobsmacked gal with mouth agape slowly raised her eyes to her grinning dinner guest's face, he shrugged his shoulders and said, "squid pro quote".

Required Explanation: "squid pro quote" is a play on words for the saying "quid pro quo", a Latin phrase meaning "something for something". In the news at the time of this posting a tremendous amount of discussion is being circulated about whether or not US president Trump dangled a quid pro quo offer in front of Ukraine's newly elected president, Volodymyr Zelensky. The deal had nothing to do with seafood however, so that was just a red herring. It should also be noted that Mr. Zelensky, before diving into politics, was a stand-up comedian.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/podgress
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2019
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Dad, whispering: look at that sleeping bag son!

Me: Why are you whispering?

Dad, still whispering: Stop talking so loudly! You are going to wake it up!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/milburbaspho
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2019
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In heaven, there were two huge signs. The first read, "Men Who Did What Their Wives Told Them to Do." The line of men under this sign stretched as far as the eye could see. The second sign stated, "Men Who Did What They Wanted to Do." Only one man stood under that sign...

Intrigued, St. Peter said to the lone man, β€œNo one has ever stood under this sign. Tell me about yourself."

The man shrugged and said, β€œMy wife told me to stand here.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2019
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Mothers Cupboard

A 6 year old opened her mothers cupboard, and was shocked to find an Anti Aging Cream, promising to make one look 10 Years Younger.
Intrigued, the 6 year old put some on... all of a sudden, she just vanished. Never seen again.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wecax49
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2019
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Pythagoras the explorer (long)

Everyone knows the Pythagorean theorem, but few people know that Pythagoras was an avid and accomplished explorer who visited the new world before the Vikings or Columbus ever laid eyes on the continent. On one of his early visits he encountered a village and happened upon a woman, heavily pregnant sitting on the hide of a bear. He asked her what she was doing and she told him that she wanted to give birth on the hide so that her child would have the strength of a bear when he was born. As he walked further into the main part of the village he saw another woman, again quite pregnant sitting on the hide of a deer. When asked she replied that she wanted her child to have the grace and agility of a deer. Seeing a trend he was taken aback when he saw a very pregnant woman sitting on the hide of a hippopotamus. Surprised both at the choice and at the existence of such a creature, he wondered what she must wish for her child, but she replied that there just weren’t any other hides available for her so she took what she could get.

Many years later when he returned to the same village, he encountered the first woman and asked about her child. Was he as strong as a bear? She pointed him out and sure enough, her son was busy ripping a stump out of the ground with his hands, as strong as a bear! Amazed, he sought out the second woman, who pointed out her son, running through a field at great speed, as graceful and agile as a deer! Intrigued to say the least, Pythagoras sought the third woman. She pointed out her son, and he didn’t believe his eyes - he was both as strong as a bear and as graceful as a deer; a mountain of a man with grace and poise.

He wrote in his now-famous travel journal his amazing discovery; that the sons of the squaws on the two smaller hides are equal to that of the squaw on the hippopotamus.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/corbimatic
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2018
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My Hotel Experience

I was once staying at a hotel which had two lifts, one for the bottom half and one for the top. I was intrigued with the system and asked the manager about it, his response was a fairly terse one "no funny business here, take the lift like anyone else would" he said strictly.

During my stay I needed to get to the higher section of the building, leading me to use the top lift. However when I came to move it, it took quite the effort and persuasion to get it to shift. Once I'd fiddled around and pushed a few more buttons it slowly made it's way up.

It was at this point I realised the manager simply had a stiff upper lift.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CamelSandwich
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2016
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My wife walked into the kitchen to find me stalking around with a fly swatter...

"What're you doing?" she asked.

"Hunting flies!" I responded.

"Oh, killing any?" she asked.

"Yep, three males, two females." I replied.

Laughing, yet intrigued, she asked, "How can you tell?"

I responded, "Three were on a beer can, two were on the phone."

πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2017
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A punny story

So, I went to this garage sale advertised in my area, and these people lived on this hill, so I was driving really hoping that it was worth it. And OH. MY. GOD. I found the cutest coaster ever. It was a work of art, and I was so intrigued to find out that it was the last thing the owner's great grandmother had made. And so as I was heading back to my car, I tripped, and the coaster got sent flying down the hill on it's side, only breaking when it hit a tree on the way down. To ease up tensions, I chuckled a bit.

I laughed, they cried, it was a roller-coaster of emotions.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IxxJayxDeexxI
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2018
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So I’m sitting at a bar...

And two obese women walk in, talking in an interesting accent.

I was intrigued so I turned around and asked them, β€œAre you two ladies from Ireland?”

One of the women sneered at me, β€œWales, you dolt!”

So I corrected myself, β€œOh, are you two whales from Ireland?”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PedsRNforreal
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2018
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One of my favorite dad jokes that my dad said a few years ago.

We were out in our yard and a v of geese flew over. We both looked up and he said "You know why one side of the v is longer than the other?" Now I was expecting some intelligent response so, intrigued, I said "no why?" He just turned to me and with a completely straight face said "Well there's more geese on that side" and continued working. I still laugh like crazy when I think of it.

πŸ‘︎ 259
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AbnormalDream
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2013
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An American man and his son went to Finland.

When they arrived, a cab driver greeted them at the airport. "What should we do on our first day here," the father asked his son, excitedly. The driver interjected, "Well, if you're not natives, I'd suggest the roller coaster that teaches your or language." Confused, the father and son look at one another then back at their guide. "Trust me," he told them, "It's guaranteed or your money back." Having no plans and now both understandably intrigued, the pair agreed. When they arrived at the roller coaster, they were amazed to behold the giant steel skeleton of the most intricate ride they'd ever seen. It had loops, helixes, corkscrews and drops more terrifying than anything they'd ridden back home. The son quickly rescinded his consent and turned you guys father. "There's no way I'm getting on that thing. You go first," he said, "Then you can tell me if it's worth it." Not wanting to seem a coward, the father accepted. Stepping into the first car, he seated himself. As the attendant approached to check his shoulder restraint, her couldn't help but ask, "So how exactly am I supposed to learn an entire language from a roller coaster?" The attendant smiled and replied simply, "You'll see." Anticipation turned to unease as the cars lurched upward towards the first drop. The seconds felt like hours as the car climbed higher and higher, clicking steadily while the chain pulled it skyward. As the nose of the car tipped downward and he could see the enormous drop below, his inner fear turned verbal. Without thinking he screamed, "minΓ€ kuolen!" As he rounded the first turn and into an inverted twist, he debut another exclamation well inside and burst forth. "naida!" He screamed as the ride continued. A few minutes and many foreign-tongued exclamations later, he found himself back at the station trying to catch his breath with the smiling attendant removing his restraints. His ran up to his son and declared, "It really works! I'm not sure how, but it really works!" "How was it?" the son asked unimpressed. "It was a wild ride from start to Finnish." "The son smiled weakly. "Yeah , the cabbie stole our luggage."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CanMan0711
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2017
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The joke my friend's dad told everytime we passed the cementary

pretending to sound informative

"Hey, did you know that if you live 10 miles or less from the cemetery you can't be buried there?" People would respond, intrigued "what! Really!" And then he would have a conversation about it for time before he would say "Its probably because they're still alive!!" And then he would crack up for a few minutes

πŸ‘︎ 115
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shan_tyler
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2013
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So this tailor goes to the bag maker with a problem...

That night somebody had broken into his shop and stolen a few very expensive suits, and he wanted the person responsible arrested.

He approached the counter, where the owner of the workshop stood.

 

"Hi!" she said. "I'm Emmy, how can I help you today?"

 

"Well, I have this problem, and I saw online that you could help me for cheap." he responded.

"My shop was robbed of some of my most expensive suits tonight, and I want your help catching the perpetrator."

 

"That's awful, but I am confused as to how I would be of assistance?" she said.

The tailor was silent for a second, noticeably confused.

Before he had a chance to respond she asked,

"What did you see on our website?"

 

"Well I didn't actually see it on your website, there was actually this ad that intrigued me. It had big bold letters and read:

For a limited time only, click the link to find the cheapest and best deals!!! Emmy's Suit cases - Now 50% off!!!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sai1r
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2017
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Was helping my grandpa clean out his wood shop when I found an odd old tool.

Me: "Whats this weird old tool".

Grandpa: "Oh, hell, be really careful with that. I have a friend that would pay 500 dollars just to see that tool in action."

Me: (Suddenly excited/intrigued) "Really?!? Why is that?" Grandpa: "Because... He's... Blind (chuckles)".

I still have no clue what the tool is/does...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hawgear
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2013
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What did the chameleon who came into contact with a brand new rocky environment think?

"Colour me intrigued."

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2016
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So Publix has started selling coleslaw sandwiches...

I guess this is a thing now, Coleslaw sandwiches. They've even got a special bread for it. I was intrigued, so I made a special trip to pick one up.

I bought the slaw and the slaw bun
I bought the slaw and the slaw bun.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Schnozzle
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2015
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Forward from dad several years ago...

WHY YOU NEVER QUESTION A DRUNK

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket, where she selected:

A half-gallon of 2% milk, A carton of eggs, A quart of orange juice, A head of romaine lettuce, A 2 lb. can of coffee, And a 1 lb. package of bacon.

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.

While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."

The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status.

Curiosity getting the better of her, she said "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct, but how on earth did you know that?"

The drunk replied, "Cause you're ugly."

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Doctor01001010
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2013
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