And it can move you to have a myocardial infarction -
Would you call that an "Art Attack"?
I want everyone to listen up because this has been brewing in my head since it happened on Tuesday.
A few days ago (because it was Tuesday and today it is Friday) I saw an opossum... or is it a opossum because I think the "o" is silent and obviously that's how I'd say it out loud...? We're gonna go with "an."
Anyways, the other day I saw an opossum wandering around my apartment complex in broad daylight. Now this was crazy to me because I personally had only ever seen these things at night. It was highly irregular by my book. But this just goes to show that nothing. Absolutely NOTHING... is im-possum-ble.
His Jokes were Sans-sational!
When he wrote them a fan letter and ended it with βLove, Shaqβ
You see I am too young to become a dad but my sister will be having a girl soon and I decided to start getting into dad humour (even tho is should be getting into uncle humour). This post was inspired by another post on this sub by a soon to be father. So here we go
What do you call someone below the age of 18 and has a problem?
A minor inconvenience
His sister Chewbacca is less thrilled.
When his wife farted in her thong.
The chargers! they do shockingly well sometimes. Just need a bit of a spark of inspiration.
He had loco-motives
Locomotion
To prove that she was there before the egg...... (Inspired by another recent Dadjoke. Hope this is not a repost).
and 40% willingness to cheat.
One is to get more freezy, the other is to get less frizzy
Inspired by wife giving my kid hair conditioner but using a silent H for some reason
Picture it. June, 1971. London.
Keith Emerson, Greg Lake and Carl Palmer are celebrating the release of their album Tarkus at the Seven Stars Pub.
Very quickly, both ELP and their BACs are riding high.
Nothing can spoil this evening.
Enter King Crimson, their bitter rivals in experimental jazz-fusion symphonic rock.
A chill hits the air, but they manage some level of civility.
Fripp even manages to put aside his seething anger at Lake for defecting to Emerson's new project and stands a round for all.
It's unclear exactly when Hawkwind arrives, but the strained emotions soon give way to genuine cheer and good will.
Lemmy, their basist at the time, could have that effect on people.
Unfortunately, he also later looks directly at Lake, points at Fripp and company and asks, "Waren't you wiv his lot?"
The police report explains that the ensuing fracas lasted for about 30 minutes at caused at least Β£4,500 (Β£56,604.93 in 2021, or $78,480.75) in damages, several broken bones and uncounted stiches.
The scrum finally calms down after Peter Gabriel, who was [throwing darts](https://darthelp.com/articles/the-history-of-darts/#:~:text=M
... keep reading on reddit β‘They both deal with alternating currency.
Thank you u/Bnboeffq for the spark of inspiration π
The ceremony is beautiful. The man and his wife are both struck with nostalgia and joy as they sit and remember their own wedding day. They hold hands throughout the ceremony, moved nearly to tears. Then, at the end of the ceremony, the new couple even walk out to the same song the husband and wife did at their wedding.
At the reception things get even better. The new bride comes up to both the man and his wife, thanks them for coming, and tells them that their relationship is what inspired her to be brave enough to get married.
Finally, all the struggles of real life melt away when, later in the evening, the newlyweds dedicate a song to the man and his wife. Invited onto the dance floor, they are shocked to hear the song they first danced to at their own wedding. After 4 minutes of perfect happiness, the wife asks her hubby to get her a drink and goes back to their table.
Not 20 seconds later, here comes her husband with two full glasses and a smile on his face. "That was fast, my Love," she tells him. The man looks lovingly at his wife and says, "just when we thought this night couldn't get any more perfect...
There is no punchline!"
We all knew that at some point, weβd have to discuss the LA font in the room.
Actually she just sits around, smokes weed all day and never calls me, but a Dad can dream.
-WHO wants you to wash your hands.
-Who does?
-Yes
-Who wants me to wash may hands?
-Yes, WHO wants you to wash your hands and practice social distancing.
-I don't know who. My mom?
βIβm boiling the hell out of it.β
(Inspired from: https://www.reddit.com/r/ContagiousLaughter/comments/ny2yh2/god_i_love_her_laugh/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf )
Son: "The due date."
The draw a blank !
...you could say theyβre my SpecialTea.
Nobody has given me a straight answer
Can't afford to wing it.
(Credit to Chris Hadfield: An Astronaut's guide to Life on Earth for inspiring this. I've read it twice but now I've been reading it to my infant son when he just needs to hear my voice before he sleeps).
A man was telling his friend that his neck was sore. His friend asked him, βwhat happenedβ? The man said that varmints had been tearing up his yard and that he had been spending hours digging through the dirt trying to repair the damage. His friend says, βgo for massage and that should take care of the problemβ.
A couple of days pass and the two meet up again. The friend asked the man, βhow did it go?β The man says, βwell, I have to tell you, they are hard to catch, but once you get ahold of them and get started, those gophers sure seem to like their massageβ.
"Type: Radioactive Fallout, 7d6"
She draws a blank.
