In Your House Puns

Run to the LIVING room

You sewer

They are always 90 degrees.

There isn't mush room for it.

An out-sect

With paint. Put on two coats.

Ursine seal delivered.

It’s the “Clicker Picker Upper.”

It’s called Tailor Swift.

If you go to the bathroom, European

The Living Room!

Credit goes to this old man at my job. He's full of em.

Any time there's an insect in my girlfriend's house she calls me over to handle it, usually to cup it and throw it outside. On this fine occasion I observed what looked like a very small roach (Order: Blattodea), possibly a german roach, the kind that are much less freaky huge but more likely to infest a house. Not wanting to take any chances with a german roach infestation, I immediately smashed the little guy instead of saving him.

My GF asks, "what was it? a roach?"

The body is pretty squished and it's hard to see any identifiable features.

I say, "I'm pretty sure it's a Splattodea"

"You mean for the rest of your life, dad."

I guess that gives me an excuse to be naked then.

After all, it can commit IDENTITY theft

Personally I’m on the fence.

I'm moving!

He came over and saw this. I honestly don't know why he wasn't prepared for that.

tuna can

As soon as a person walks in and sees this, they would know to expect good luck and fortune from the owner of the house and the whole family, but only if all of the chicks hatch and are all healthy. Every time you left a house, it was considered good luck to look at the hen, and wish it well to have all of its chicks born happy, healthy, and for the hen to live a long life. This is why they call it an egg-sit!!!