In Treatment Puns

It’s called…

Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes

Now I have to spend the rest of my life looking over my shoulder.

They are all patiently waiting

He waited patiently.

Peta Parker

...it does more than meats the eye.

A pack-o-derms

I mean that's a... crappy job.

I Thoth I'd get more of a Ha, Heh, and a maybe even a Kek out of her, but instead she thinks I'm a Nut! I even got all dressed up in my best Khepri shorts to practice on my material with her. I had hoped she'd be more agreeable to them, but she even started bullying me, grabbed my arm and Hatmehit myself a few times, so I told her to stop with that and Imentet! I don't like being treated like some street Mut!

I tried to tell her, "Babi, please stop!" She, however, was having Nun of it! It was starting to Geb me a bruise! Besides, I hadn't even gotten to my Bastet ones yet! So I told myself Heqet all! I'm gonna tell my jokes, because at least they make me Hapi! She didn't care, just told me to Shu! Said I was a Nemty-headed fool. How rude!

Being a Tefnut to crack, I called for the Aten-tion of my friends so they could at least listen to my whole Set, and busted out with this great Amun-gus joke! I certainly thought it was a Neith little joke, but right off the Bat, they were telling me to Wadjet with the dumb puns, and I need to Wadj-wer I'm taking these jokes. One of them even did a literal face-palm and stood up to leave! I told him to stop that, because I don't like to see Menhit themselves, or anyone for that matter, so thankfully, Hesat down again.

I tried Anhur-ther time, but another friend accused me of Nepit-ism! I told him he clearly never Nu what that word meant to begin with, Aani just spits in my face! Ptah! I really Maat him angry, it seems. Nothing but Ra Ra rabble rabble with him....I wanted to wash his mouth out and see how the Sopdu in fixing that bad attitude of his...

After that treatment, I had no choice but to Pakhet in. Bennu really rough day dealing with all this pushback. Neper again will I tell another pun. Isis the error of my ways now and learned a valuable lesson today: Even the closest people in your life will either like the jokes you Hathor they won't. If they don't, you just have to Reshep your comedy routine to the crowd you're playing to, otherwise, you'll upset your girlfriend so badly, you'll end up sleeping in the Shed!

The person was extremely upset and demanded the doctor reverse the treatment.

The doctor replied - "I'm sorry there's currently no way to make you taller again but we're working on it. In the meantime, you'll just have to be a little patient"

"I've got something in my mouth!"

"No you don't."

"I've got something in my mooouuuth"

"No you don't, you better not" turns around in passenger seat of car to look at her

"See!!! It's my tongue!!!"

...little shit bird.

She is 3 years old and we were on our way to the hospital for her chemotherapy treatment. My daughter will become either a nurse, Dr, or a comedian when she is grown.

I officially became a father a few days ago! My sweet daughter has a some jaundice so we've had to stay in the hospital a few more days for treatment.

The nurse lugged I a big box and said "we are going start light therapy"

Me "looks heavy"

We were reviewing different forms of traumatic injuries in my EMT class such as traffic collisions, gun shot wounds, and resulting effects and treatments for the injuries when my teacher pulls this one on us:

Teacher: "So what would come after falls then?"

Student: "Spinal immobilization?"

Teacher: "Winters."

Edit: some words

I was an ER tech in a fairly busy inner city hospital for a few years. On one unusually slow night, around 3am, I called up to labor and delivery from an outside line. The conversation went like this:

"Labor and Delivery Nancy speaking"

"Hi I have an unusual problem and I am hoping you can help me."

"OK what can I do for you?"

"Well a couple weeks ago my wife and I had a baby boy who was born with an extremely rare condition. You see, he was born without eyelids."

"Oh my goodness!"

"Yes. Well at your hospital there they tried a new experimental treatment. They used the foreskin from his circumcision to create eyelids for him. Have you heard about this procedure?"

"OH MY GOD! No! I haven't!"

"Well everything was going great and he seemed to be healing well but when he woke up this morning, he looked a little cockeyed..."

"..........."

"COCKEYED!"

<click>

As my wife in labor is walking down the hallway of the hospital and I'm rolling her IV on my right, I looked right and said to her,

"Maybe its just me, but I feel like there is something between us."

I got the glare and silent treatment...until the water broke 10 steps later.

Him: My test results came in. The tumors in my lungs and back haven't spread and have begun shrinking thanks to the treatment.

Me: That's wonderful!!!

Him: They're still there but at least they haven't increased by one and become tremors.

Me: Hm? I don't ge......oh goddammit.

My dad everyone. Even when battling cancer, there's still time to make a joke.

I wasn't feeling well and I suspected some intestinal blockage to be the culprit. Naturally, I made an appointment with my doctor. I'm in the treatment room waiting when he comes in.

Doc: Not feeling well huh? What do you think it is?

Me: I'm not sure but I've had weird bowel movements I think it's blockage

Doc: I don't believe you

Me: wut

Doc: you're lying to me

Me: no seriously doc I'm blocked up here

Doc: I know, you're full of shit

So I was working at the summer camp my school district puts on today, and one of the students had an injury which involved an ice pack for treatment. She was sitting with her sister, who then stole the ice pack in an attempt to keep cool. I walk up to her, and I say, "Stealing an ice pack from your injured sister? That's cold."

Cue groaning