If you get hit in the face, the home treatment is to hold a raw steak against it to reduce swelling...

...it does more than meats the eye.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
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What do you call a guy who believes in ethical treatment of spiders?

Peta Parker

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IfuM52
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2020
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What do you call a group of doctors that specialize in the skin treatment of elephants?

A pack-o-derms

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πŸ‘€︎ u/spunkards97
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2019
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Somewhere in my head I apologize to the people at the water treatment plant every time I flush...

I mean that's a... crappy job.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gamerchris360
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2017
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Why was the night Jesus was born so quiet?

Mary was giving Joseph the silent treatment for not booking a room in advance (this came from my dad 🀣🀣)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/belac2002
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
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Jaundice setup

I officially became a father a few days ago! My sweet daughter has a some jaundice so we've had to stay in the hospital a few more days for treatment.

The nurse lugged I a big box and said "we are going start light therapy"

Me "looks heavy"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnsonmd
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2020
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EMT teacher got us with this one

We were reviewing different forms of traumatic injuries in my EMT class such as traffic collisions, gun shot wounds, and resulting effects and treatments for the injuries when my teacher pulls this one on us:

Teacher: "So what would come after falls then?"

Student: "Spinal immobilization?"

Teacher: "Winters."

Edit: some words

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lock-n-Toad
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2016
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The greatest prank call I ever pulled off

I was an ER tech in a fairly busy inner city hospital for a few years. On one unusually slow night, around 3am, I called up to labor and delivery from an outside line. The conversation went like this:

"Labor and Delivery Nancy speaking"

"Hi I have an unusual problem and I am hoping you can help me."

"OK what can I do for you?"

"Well a couple weeks ago my wife and I had a baby boy who was born with an extremely rare condition. You see, he was born without eyelids."

"Oh my goodness!"

"Yes. Well at your hospital there they tried a new experimental treatment. They used the foreskin from his circumcision to create eyelids for him. Have you heard about this procedure?"

"OH MY GOD! No! I haven't!"

"Well everything was going great and he seemed to be healing well but when he woke up this morning, he looked a little cockeyed..."

"..........."

"COCKEYED!"

<click>

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TurnTheTVOff
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2015
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I guess I really am my dad's son.

Dad: "My friend is doing a phd in violin studies." Me: "Oh a violin doctor? Yeah he'll get some good connections and be able to pull a few strings." Dad: "Yeah but only if he is a well-tuned doctor, and is able to work in harmony with others." Dad: "Only then will his treatment be sweet music to the ears."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hookahbeard
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2015
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Got my wife in labor

As my wife in labor is walking down the hallway of the hospital and I'm rolling her IV on my right, I looked right and said to her,

"Maybe its just me, but I feel like there is something between us."

I got the glare and silent treatment...until the water broke 10 steps later.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FoxMulderThe2nd
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2015
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Got some great news from my dad yesterday

Him: My test results came in. The tumors in my lungs and back haven't spread and have begun shrinking thanks to the treatment.

Me: That's wonderful!!!

Him: They're still there but at least they haven't increased by one and become tremors.

Me: Hm? I don't ge......oh goddammit.

My dad everyone. Even when battling cancer, there's still time to make a joke.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/whitesummerside
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2015
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My doctor is the master of dad jokes

I wasn't feeling well and I suspected some intestinal blockage to be the culprit. Naturally, I made an appointment with my doctor. I'm in the treatment room waiting when he comes in.

Doc: Not feeling well huh? What do you think it is?

Me: I'm not sure but I've had weird bowel movements I think it's blockage

Doc: I don't believe you

Me: wut

Doc: you're lying to me

Me: no seriously doc I'm blocked up here

Doc: I know, you're full of shit

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2016
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Dad joked a pair of students today...

So I was working at the summer camp my school district puts on today, and one of the students had an injury which involved an ice pack for treatment. She was sitting with her sister, who then stole the ice pack in an attempt to keep cool. I walk up to her, and I say, "Stealing an ice pack from your injured sister? That's cold."

Cue groaning

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πŸ‘€︎ u/spamlewin
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2015
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