"Who was that?" asked my wife.
"Just some drunk asking for a push." I grumbled.
"Did you help him?" she asked.
"No, I did NOT! It's 3am and it's pouring rain!"
"Well, you've a short memory." she said. "Don't you remember three months ago when we broke down and those two guys helped us? You should be ashamed of yourself! Now get out there and help him!"
She had a point, and angrily, I got dressed and went out into the darkness, calling out, "Hello, are you still there?"
"Yes."
"Do you still need a push?"
"Yes please."
"Where are you?"
"Over here...on the swing."
Because I've been holding this in since last year. Out of the way!
I thought to myself, how the f**k am I supposed to pick it up?
I said, βYouβre the ones blocking!β
ATM
I was halfway to work before I realized I forgot my car.
Because he kneaded flour before the buyers arrived.
(Thanks, I will go now)
Daughter: Dad, it's really STUPID out there today. You'd better take your dumbrella.
Me: I've never been more proud.
Because it's For a Yam!
Itβs completely safe with ΠΈo side effects whatsoeveΡ, and im currently feelshΞΊΞΉ ΟoΟoshΟ Ρ ΡΡΠ²ΡΡΠ²ΡΡ ΡΠ΅Π±Ρ Π½Π΅ΠΌΠ½ΠΎΠ³ΠΎ ΡΡΡΠ°Π½Π½ΠΎ ΠΈ Ρ Π΄ΡΠΌΠ°Ρ, ΡΡΠΎ Π²ΡΡΠ°ΡΠΈΠ» ΠΎΡΠ»ΠΈΠ½ΡΠ΅ ΡΡΠΈ.
When is a door also a good container? When itβs ajar.
Chello!
Alternatively:
What is Yo-Yo Ma's favorite dairy dessert?
Chello pudding!
I should stop using WebMD as my homepage.
I thought, "That's a funny place for a door."
"Hamster?" she laughed, "That's a snake".
You know, for my morning portie.
Then he shows me the empty packet of KY Jelly had smeared all over his morning toast.
later on I drink my secondary
Is the breakfast of champignons
The headline was βpun and ten deadβ (meant to sound like pun intended.)
Definitely not the best but it was kinda funny. He was definitely pleased with it
Have a great day at work hunny.
Because dawn is tough on Greece.
Cough-eeβββ
I'm going vegan today.
"Would you like some bacon and eggs, a slice of toast, and maybe some grapefruit juice and coffee?"
He declines. "Thanks for asking, but I'm not hungry right now. It must be the Viagra," he says. "It's really taken the edge off my appetite.
At lunchtime, she asks him if he'd like something. "How about a bowl of soup, homemade muffins, or a cheese sandwich?"
He declines. "The Viagra," he says, "really trashes my desire for food.
Come dinner time, she asks if he wants anything to eat. "Would you like a juicy rib eye steak and some scrumptious apple pie? Or maybe a rotisserie chicken or tasty stir fry?"
He declines again. "No," he says, "it's got to be the Viagra. I'm still not hungry."
"Well," she says: ""Can you now stop and get off me? I'm bloody starving!!".
Time to get bread-y for the dayπππππ
Because Dawn is tough on Greece.
Apparently they all look the same and I should have left it in the yard.
The others are still wearing a t-shirt and pants!
It gives me something to dew.
Guten tag
I thought to myself "I really should buy her a fry pan "
Clawfee
A kup-o coffee.
Hebrewed it.
A [beep]ing nightmare.
Because the early bird gets a perm.
(I'll get my coat..)
That sun of a bitch
Then get up in the afternoon.
