They always miss the point.
So today I’m wearing pants to take her to school.
Now she thinks I'm in love with a stripper.
He said, “Anyone who would sleep with you would sleep with almost anyone else.”
All the slides were just photos of him.
It's just a waste of time
He said it’s a good quality to hold onto.
My mom's boyfriend and I were talking about weighing the new kittens and I walked into a joke.
Him: Put her on the weighing scale.
Me: What do scales do besides weighing things?
Him: Protect lizards and snakes..
Me: ...
Him: And make fish pretty.
I had written out something I was supposed to read out with the first pen I could find, which happened to be red.
When asked why I had used this colour, my answer was:
"Well, it has to be read, hasn't it?"
But it's what's inside that counts
But I always hearing the commentators saying "He needs to make this faux pas"
(Timing)
An announcement
Finally, she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.
I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.
I was gone only a minute and when I came out, I handed her a toothbrush.
I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a slight limp...
You get gravy
I like to keep all my bases covered.
It was a very pivotal moment
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I'll take my leave
I just bought paper trowels and they're useless.
The Semi-truck’s digestive system
As much as it sucks, it’s better to be safe than SARS-y
So whenever I went for one I always entered the room saying “Nice to see you, to see you....”. Only once did someone respond.
Because without it, Britain would be Briain
When in the interrogation room, he told my grandfather
"vee haf vays of making you tock!"
The most important Dad at the annual neighborhood end of Summer barbeque bash!
The legs... they carry the most weight.
Wife: First: I’m pregnant.
Husband: Hi pregnant,I’m dad.
Wife: second: no you’re not.
He’s been undie-feeted ever since.
...But I've always thought it was pun-tuality.
So a subreddit.
The second one.
I'm creating a drinking game where every important event equals to drinking, but I am nowhere close to NAMING my drinking game. A friend of mine recommended this subreddit, saying that people drop some really punny puns here. Give your ideas for a title, I think up to 6 words would be okay.
Let's see what you can do!
What you need to know about the game:
- You can create your timeline based on packages (ages, countries, continents, etc).
- Every important event has a normal action and drinking action.
- You never know in which year you are located but get an estimate year. You can either guess the year (or date) and get a free pass or you have to execute the action or drinking action. When you guess wrong, you'll have to double it.
That's basically it.
Because at the end of the day, isn't that what it's all about?
It was ground-breaking
The woof! (pronounced like roof. No not exactly pronounced like roof but you know what I mean)
DONALD DUCK!!!
Dad “if I knew ice was worth that much I’d put more in the fridge”
At least that's what the cannibals say.
"I loview!"
That is, at least not long enough to learn any of the many, many important things a frog needs to learn in order to be a frog.
You see, a frog needs to be super slick in order to get by. A frog without proper skills, well, he may as well be a toad.
Anyways, every time Mama Frog went about trying to teach Little Hop something, he would just bounce.. and bounce.. and bounce..
And every time Mama Frog had reached her limit of patience, right before giving up, she’d say to Little Hop, “If you keep on keepin’ on hoppin around all aimless, I’m gonna turn you into a toad!”
Which, upon hearing, Little Hop would stop his hop and settle. You see, he knew well enough that he wanted no part of being a toad.
Well, on one particular day, during one such lesson, Little Hop had taken again to bouncing here, and bouncing there - and just about everywhere besides a place he could listen! And on this same particular day, Mama Frog’s patience was worn real, real, thin, you see, and she got sudden filled with a terrible frustration.
And just like a firecracker went off, in a sudden snap, Mama Frog turned Little Hop straight into a toad!
And when it was done, Mama Frog looked at him direct, shook her head, and said..
“I toad you so.”
He wants to make America grate again.
