Natural numbers fail to understand the importance of decimal numbers.

They always miss the point.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/keychainoi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
🚨︎ report
I just had an half hour argument with my 5 year old about the importance of wearing pants in public, and she won.

So today I’m wearing pants to take her to school.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2018
🚨︎ report
I told my wife about the importance of prep-work when refinishing furniture...

Now she thinks I'm in love with a stripper.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/falsenorth
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2019
🚨︎ report
When I turned into a teenager, my dad repeatedly emphasized the importance of using a condom whenever I have sex.

He said, β€œAnyone who would sleep with you would sleep with almost anyone else.”

πŸ‘︎ 181
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2018
🚨︎ report
I made my son sit through a 1 hour long PowerPoint presentation titled "The utmost importance of wearing a condom".

All the slides were just photos of him.

πŸ‘︎ 83
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πŸ‘€︎ u/slavameba
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2018
🚨︎ report
I don't get the importance of clock landfills

It's just a waste of time

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Congressperson
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2019
🚨︎ report
My Dad always told me the importance of a firm handshake.

He said it’s a good quality to hold onto.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bridgeheadprod
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2018
🚨︎ report
The importance of scales.

My mom's boyfriend and I were talking about weighing the new kittens and I walked into a joke.

Him: Put her on the weighing scale.

Me: What do scales do besides weighing things?

Him: Protect lizards and snakes..

Me: ...

Him: And make fish pretty.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ohhoneyno_
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2015
🚨︎ report
Of the importance of colours

I had written out something I was supposed to read out with the first pen I could find, which happened to be red.

When asked why I had used this colour, my answer was:

"Well, it has to be read, hasn't it?"

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/earthlinkdilemma
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2014
🚨︎ report
Forgiveness is the most important part of a well balanced breakfast.
πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cadaverkitten94
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
🚨︎ report
When people think of calculators they think the buttons are the most important thing

But it's what's inside that counts

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hungrysamy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I never knew making socially awkward comments was such an important part of playing golf...

But I always hearing the commentators saying "He needs to make this faux pas"

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JackoMabreda
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s the most important part of a joke timing?

(Timing)

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/UofTCadet
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call an important message to the staff of a building materials company?

An announcement

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
🚨︎ report
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. Somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer. Always something more important to me...

Finally, she thought of a clever way to make her point.

When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.

I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.

I was gone only a minute and when I came out, I handed her a toothbrush.

I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a slight limp...

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Gravity is a very important part of our existence. What happens when you remove it?

You get gravy

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lafilafi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I would like a set of containers for my kitchen. I would like to store my baking soda, borax, milk of magnesia, drain cleaner, and ammonia. Most importantly, they need to have very secure lids.

I like to keep all my bases covered.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Legitimate-Hair
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I’d like to highlight the important part of my argument
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/elko
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I can understand why the invention of the wheel is looked upon as one of the most important achievements of mankind

It was a very pivotal moment

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fumperdink06
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Do you know why it's important to keep someone in a state of suspense?

.

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I'll take my leave

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/grimgamertv
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2020
🚨︎ report
It's always important to do an operational check of your tools.
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Buwaro
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Careful reading of labels is so important...

I just bought paper trowels and they're useless.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MaenHoffiCoffi
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2020
🚨︎ report
The Semi colon is an important part of what?

The Semi-truck’s digestive system

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ra1ds4ad0w
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2020
🚨︎ report
As we continue to deal with the mask wearing, social distancing and uncertainty through the coming weeks, we can’t lose sight of how important it is to continue taking these precautions.

As much as it sucks, it’s better to be safe than SARS-y

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hashsmasher
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2020
🚨︎ report
My Dad said it was always important to make a good impression at the start of a job interview...

So whenever I went for one I always entered the room saying β€œNice to see you, to see you....”. Only once did someone respond.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cwwspurs
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2019
🚨︎ report
Tea is an important part of Britain

Because without it, Britain would be Briain

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kishenoy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2019
🚨︎ report
My grandfather was captured by the Germans in WWII. Being a high-ranking officer, they kept him captive for months but all he would do is sit in his cell saying "tick... tick... tick...". Their top interrogator was sent in to get important information out of him...

When in the interrogation room, he told my grandfather

"vee haf vays of making you tock!"

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FaultyData
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2019
🚨︎ report
If you tend sheep then you are a shepherd. If you tend cow then you are.....

The most important Dad at the annual neighborhood end of Summer barbeque bash!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MassGootz
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Whats the most important part of the human body?

The legs... they carry the most weight.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/El_sturro
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Wife: I have a couple of important announcements to make..

Wife: First: I’m pregnant.

Husband: Hi pregnant,I’m dad.

Wife: second: no you’re not.

πŸ‘︎ 178
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πŸ‘€︎ u/El_Chapo0
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2018
🚨︎ report
After a world-renowned athlete lost an important match, his wife suggested that in the future he wear a pair of her panties in his shoes for good luck to boost his confidence.

He’s been undie-feeted ever since.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/beeeeen
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2019
🚨︎ report
They say that the most important part of a joke is timing...

...But I've always thought it was pun-tuality.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HyruleTrigger
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Every day, my professor starts her class by reading to us the important news of the day. Today she didn’t show up.

So a subreddit.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2019
🚨︎ report
What was more important than the invention of the telephone?

The second one.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pandaflesh
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2018
🚨︎ report
DROP YOUR BEST PUNS FOR HISTORY DRINKING GAME

I'm creating a drinking game where every important event equals to drinking, but I am nowhere close to NAMING my drinking game. A friend of mine recommended this subreddit, saying that people drop some really punny puns here. Give your ideas for a title, I think up to 6 words would be okay.

Let's see what you can do!

What you need to know about the game:

  • You can create your timeline based on packages (ages, countries, continents, etc).
  • Every important event has a normal action and drinking action.
  • You never know in which year you are located but get an estimate year. You can either guess the year (or date) and get a free pass or you have to execute the action or drinking action. When you guess wrong, you'll have to double it.

That's basically it.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tyounr
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Sleep is actually far more important than a lot of people think.

Because at the end of the day, isn't that what it's all about?

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MaciejWaciej
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2019
🚨︎ report
How important was the invention of the shovel?

It was ground-breaking

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Buckley2111
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2018
🚨︎ report
What’s the most important part of a dog’s house?

The woof! (pronounced like roof. No not exactly pronounced like roof but you know what I mean)

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DogsGoMoo
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2018
🚨︎ report
If someone ever throws something at the President of the United States during an important press conference with other world leaders, what should you scream?

DONALD DUCK!!!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2018
🚨︎ report
NEWS reporter β€œAustralian border security caught teens trying to import 400 million dollars worth of ice”

Dad β€œif I knew ice was worth that much I’d put more in the fridge”

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Imakehamforalivin
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2018
🚨︎ report
Good taste is one of the most important things about a person.

At least that's what the cannibals say.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lfantine
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2018
🚨︎ report
What's the most important part of telling a joke right timing
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dandan_56
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2018
🚨︎ report
As we were pulling out of our driveway and I was adjusting the mirrors, I said to my wife, "It's important to remember, there's side view, rear view and you know what else?"

"I loview!"

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2018
🚨︎ report
Mama Frog was really struggling with her youngest, Little Hop. He couldn’t seem to sit still!

That is, at least not long enough to learn any of the many, many important things a frog needs to learn in order to be a frog.

You see, a frog needs to be super slick in order to get by. A frog without proper skills, well, he may as well be a toad.

Anyways, every time Mama Frog went about trying to teach Little Hop something, he would just bounce.. and bounce.. and bounce..

And every time Mama Frog had reached her limit of patience, right before giving up, she’d say to Little Hop, β€œIf you keep on keepin’ on hoppin around all aimless, I’m gonna turn you into a toad!”

Which, upon hearing, Little Hop would stop his hop and settle. You see, he knew well enough that he wanted no part of being a toad.

Well, on one particular day, during one such lesson, Little Hop had taken again to bouncing here, and bouncing there - and just about everywhere besides a place he could listen! And on this same particular day, Mama Frog’s patience was worn real, real, thin, you see, and she got sudden filled with a terrible frustration.

And just like a firecracker went off, in a sudden snap, Mama Frog turned Little Hop straight into a toad!

And when it was done, Mama Frog looked at him direct, shook her head, and said..

β€œI toad you so.”

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/martianrome
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Trump to Impose a Ban on All Imports of Pre Shredded Cheese

He wants to make America grate again.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chaotic_Narwhal
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2017
🚨︎ report

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