Idealization And Devaluation Puns

So, thanks to poor working memory, I often forget exactly why some people have been kicked to the curb and should not be flirted with. I'm going through a bit of disappointment right now with someone specifically that... is unavailable and so now i've kicked my idealization of others in to overdrive almost like an unconscious overcompensation. My friends have suddenly become MUCH more interesting and sexy, my ex is looking delicious and that one guy that had questionable behaviour is now totally fine and should be fuckable, right? I'm just..... sick of this rollercoaster ride.

It's like.... i'm hungry. I'm starving. And ANYTHING looks good when you are starving. Especially when there was a plate of food just under your nose and its disappeared, or maybe you pushed it away, but either way your stomach is STILL GROWLING. This disorder makes reality so.... just out of reach. I can know stuff cognitively about what is and isnt a good plan but its like.... I become an observer to increasingly thirsty and erratic and confusing behaviour. Im sad. I know that my behaviours do not reflect how I really feel toward anyone. Truthfully, none of these people are worth flirting with or risking a friendship for. I guess I should also mention that I am hypersexual (childhood molestation) and so sex is where i feel "Safe", it's what im familiar with and also the quickest way into someone's world and under their skin that I so desperately wanna climb into. Does anyone else relate to this feeling of desperation when like everyone becomes an option? No one and nothing is off limits and you just wanna emotionally, mentally, SEXUALLY devour the next thing that comes past? :(

I can’t last a single week without hating his guts and losing and forgetting all the love I ever had for him. It seems like my whole life is one big cycle. It goes up and then down. I can never have a consistent emotion. Last week I was head over heels in love with him and felt so optimistic about our relationship, and now I’m a crying mess and I want to break up with him. Does it ever stop? There has never been any stability in my life. If I develop a good habit, I stay on top of it and then later lose the discipline/motivation. If I’m happy one week, suddenly I’m depressed and wanting to kill myself the next. It even happens in the span of a single day where I wake up like a confident queen and then start to hate myself later on in the day. What the fuck? Did I ever even love my boyfriend? I honestly don’t know and I don’t know who he is anymore...

Anyone else relate?

I see everywhere the spread of Porn Culture, people think sexuality isn't a big deal despite the fact that it is one of the most powerful ways in which humans can physically connect and as a result of this they go out and behave in ways that damages their mental health.

I'm NOT saying people shouldn't have sex or anything like that... I'm saying that this immature notion of sex that states that as long as you avoid an unwanted and STDs you are 100% good to go is flawed.

People should be thought the psychological implications of sex and be encouraged to value their sexuality more.

If adults have a hard time getting over people that just use them as objects, teenagers must suffer a lot from this, and this message that is being transmitted just makes them feel more ostracized, believing they are the ones taking it too seriously and that they should just feel fine after a hookup and a failed relationship.

Again, I am not against sex, I am against the notion that is being broadcast about its devaluation.

Stumbled upon this sub today and have been poring over a lot of posts. I'm sure many of you have made the rounds to various BPD message boards, sites, etc. I have to say, the responses here have been the most insightful and the least, I don't know, rehearsed for lack of a better word. I relate much more to posters here than any other dark corner of the internet I have visited for commiseration, validation or whatever it is borderlines leave us in search of.

I think there are some conflicting opinions as to whether they actually loved us or not, but what has me more puzzled is are they aware of the overwhelming psychological power that this honeymoon period defined by love bombing and idealization has over their victims? To some degree, of course they know because the tactic has been highly successful in luring in victim after victim, but I'm referring to a deeper understanding of their behavior. A much more insidious and malign understanding of their tactics. My ex was VERY effective in building me up, particularly when I was not in the best shape emotionally, only to break me down with ruthless efficiency later. It just begs the question: do they really believe their bullshit in the moment or are they rolling their eyes and throwing up in their mouths a little when idealizing us like they did?

And all it's about is a girl. There is no one in my life I feel comfortable loading this onto. That is not to say I have no one that I am close to. I have many friends and close family that are wonderful people to have as a support system when I do need to talk. Why I can't or won't, I couldn't put my finger exactly on it. Maybe I am afraid of being told I need to rip myself from something I have so much time already sunk into, that being attached to the idea of this girl. Unhealthy? Perhaps, but as of now it seems like the better alternative. I have never been one to bottle emotions, so to speak. I have always been an open person, emotionally. Not afraid to express how I feel, crying when morose, jubilant when happy, and everything in between. Maybe I am afraid of being seen as a weirdo, a creep.

I know I have kept it away from everyone incredibly well, it's not hard these days. She's not the most on-the-grid or out there in terms of social media, so every picture I can find I save. Stored away in a nondescript app in a folder in the corner of my phone that requires a password to open and yet another to open the album. To be clear, it's not just some internet obsession, not just through a glass lens. We are friends in the real world. It did just start out as an innocent crush in the last year of high-school. Friends through the summer, we went of to college. Different places, but we still talked all the same. Then it tapered off. It was on her end as I still made the same attempts to talk as I always did. As it sometimes is, I thought, I waned on my attempts as well. This, I think, is where the darker side of obsession began to manifest itself. A short clip I have of her laugh on repeat, my heart fluttering each time. Any instance of her name I see always manages to captivate my attention. And when she does post on social media, oh boy.

And about her? Well, this I have known from the start. She is beautiful, if it matters. We're weird in all of the same ways. I mean, we are friends after all. We get along quite well. She is quite personable, easy-going. Am I in love? Quite unrequited? Perhaps. And maybe this is just the ramblings of some crazy college student. But I needed to get this out. And perhaps some advice from neutral parties. One positive(maybe) is that my creative neurons have been firing away. I've been pumping out songs because of her. Only one is very loosely about her, lyrically. For some reason it's not words that are about her. It's the

Just saw a TV commercial for a prescription antidepressant, and they warned that one of the side effects was suicidal ideation.

Why? More importantly, isn't that extremely counterintuitive to what they're supposed to prevent? Why was a drug with that kind of risk allowed on the market?

Thanks for the info

Edit: I mean "ideation" (well, my spell check says that's not a word, but everyone here says otherwise, spell check is going to have to deal with it). Thanks for the correction.

I was going to take a two-year course to become a medical technologist.

To get into the course, I had to take two per-requisite courses that were independent studies. Basically I had four months to read two text books, and would do 4 and 7 tests for the two courses. But I couldn't keep up with it. I was so focused to begin with, but then the courses just became more and more difficult, and I kept having to take breaks due to emotional issues.

By the fourth month I had dropped down to doing only one course, but I couldn't concentrate on it at all.

I kept forgetting everything I'd learned.

I feel so stupid.

The worst part is the courses, together with the textbooks, cost me $1900 and I wasn't able to get a loan because I don't have any credit. It was all one-time, lucky money that my family, including my dying dad (I know, my life is fucking soap opera), gave to me.

Now that I've failed I feel like I've failed everything. I'll never be able to go to school, because I know I'm not intelligent or hard-working enough to get through even the shortest part-time courses.

But now I don't read any books or shows that I've really wanted to watch because I feel like I don't deserve it.

I feel like my life is over, and now I just have to wait until my boyfriend inevitably breaks up with me, so that I can kill myself in peace. I don't want to do anything I really like because I know it'll be wasted on me.

But I also know that's not healthy.

How do I combat these thoughts of being undeserving/my life being done?

Toward the end, as his true colors began to become a permanent fixture, I was understandably upset.

I didn’t know much about narcissism yet, I just knew that the man I fell in love with was changing into everything he promised he wasn’t.

When I would fight it, he would respond with, “you don’t love me, you only love your idea of me”.

Yet, HE was the one who put those ideas of who he was in my head. HE was the one who presented himself as a person I could love.

I’m almost 5 months NC and still processing things like this. For some reason I’m having a bit of a setback these past few days. 😕

I think one of the things I hate the most about BPD is idealization, like I meet someone and I literally plan our wedding the next day (thank you, Pinterest). So, 3 months ago, met a guy online, and I went to meet him in person last week. I planned my life already: finishing university on May of this year, getting a job in his country (that was in my mind before meeting him), move so we can close the distance, get married...

Well, he was not like I expected to be (like, his personality), and I feel like I don't have a "life plan" anymore. It feels weird being home. Like, I had all these fantasies and expectations and now, nothing is real. I should be happy to be on my last semester of a career that took me 7 years to finish, instead of 5 (thank you BPD). I hate it. I should be so grateful for this amazing job I have, it doesn't interests me anymore. I am not excited about hanging out with friends. I am just not excited about anything.

Just to make it worse, post-travel depression is hitting me very hard. I hated my city before the trip, and now, after going to New York, I hate this fucking city even more. I am tired of the people here, I hate that everything is the same. Can I just be happy again?

It sounds very straight forward to me. Any opinions going against this?

>"Not only must weapons be bought and paid for out of surpluses of capital and labour, but they must also be put to use. For this is the only means that capitalism has at its disposal to achieve the level of devaluation now required. The idea is dreadful in its implications. What better reason could there be to declare that it is time for capitalism to be gone, to give way to some saner mode of production?"

David Harvey, The Limits To Capital (2006), Chapter 13, Crisis In The Space Economy Of Capitalism, p. 445

Despite currency devaluation and subsidies offered to various sectors, the country’s exports declined by 1.54 per cent during April, according to latest data released by the Pakistan Bureau of Statistics (PBS) on Wednesday.

PBS data shows that exports during the month of April declined to $2.094 billion compared to $2.127bn during the same period last year.

Moreover, export proceeds during the first 10 months of the current fiscal year also fell by 0.12pc to $19.169bn compared to $19.191bn last year. Cumulatively, in rupee terms, exports recorded 23pc growth during the period under review.

The country’s exports have declined since February despite claims by the Commerce Division that the steps taken by government including currency devaluation, subsidies to export-oriented sectors will likely result in improving overall proceeds.

Last week, Adviser to Prime Minister on Commerce Razak Dawood also shared his concern over the falling proceeds. He said that “exports are not showing growth the way we were expecting,” adding that the trend might reverse in the next few months.

This decline comes despite China’s decision to allow $1bn worth of additional market access to products including rice, yarn etc at zero duty in the current fiscal year. Of these, traders have exported $300m worth of commodities so far.

In addition to this, the government had also extended cash assistance to major sectors, mainly textile and clothing but these measures too failed to boost exports.

On the other hand, total imports during the 10 months fell by 7.88pc to $45.471bn from $49.360bn during the same period last year.

However, during April, imports declined by further 6.42pc to $4.753bn, from $5.079bn in same month last year.

As a result of higher decline in imports, the trade deficit also fell to $26.302bn in July-April period this year from $30.169bn over the corresponding months of last year, reflecting a decline of 12.82pc. The government’s corrective measures vis-à-vis imports are finally bearing fruit in the shape of decline in trade deficit.

On a monthly basis, trade deficit dipped by 9.93pc to $2.659bn in April, from $2.952bn over same month last year.

The decline in deficit — decreasing by $3.867bn during July-April — is estimated to reach around $5-6bn by the end of the ongoing fiscal year.

This contraction is mainly attributable to a steep fall in the overall import bill even though export proceeds posted a mixed trend during the period un

Is it the case with all pwBPD that they will eventually devalue their partner and engage in the process of “splitting”? Are there any counter-examples? I have an appointment with a therapist next week and I’m pre-guessing a diagnosis of PTSD. How common is this with people who have come out of a relationship with a pwBPD? And further, to the first question, to what extent is cheating and/or ending the relationship suddenly likely at some point? Are these things set in stone?

I have a problem with always wanting this relationship of someone who is sympathetic and can ground me. My first ever boyfriend was the best person for me, he was so grounded himself and could ground me. He was so soft and kind and never let my outbursts at all get to him. He simply always did the best thing that made me feel like life was worth so much. Sadly we did break up.... he was my highschool sweetheart we dated for 4 years - however broke up when we went to university. I had to cancel going to my school because I got so bad... We both moved on and we changed who we were... He ended up marrying this snob.. *and I actually don't say that out of pettyness.... she's just a princess from a rich home who if she doesn't always get her way will basically destroy his life.... I don't know what he saw in her, however if he is happy I am happy for him. We don't talk anymore because she wont allow him to speak with me even though we were friends after ending our relationship and I would never jeopardize his relationship with her because he cares about her. I kind of sunk and fell into bad paths including drugs and alcohol abuse.... I then was a victim of sexual assult which resulted in my first Trauma and a result in PTSD along with anxiety problems. I ended up later on trying to clean myself from substance abuse and threw myself into a relationship with a guy in the military. We ended up moving in together quickly and developing our lives together... I ended up then being diagnosed with another medical health problem and found out I will never be able to have a child of my own... which once again sent me spirialing. My boyfriend at the time decided we would try for a child anyways.... it never happened. This led to a depression and anger between us because I couldn't function.... which then led to physical abuse... my second trauma. oh, I forgot to mention by this point I was going to marry him and was engaged to him

I found the courage to leave that relationship and found out not even a month after me leaving he was already with another girl... ouch and then 4 months after that got her pregnant..... ouch again

This happened 2-3 years ago now... I'm struggling not only with my BPD, but also my PTSD, Major Depressive and Generalize and Social Anxiety disorders. It makes me want to stay away from anyone. I feel threatened by everyone and can't even leave my house without one of my parents coming. I feel like everyone is out to hurt me and I'm s

Hey! Been lurking around /r/LateStageCapitalism/ and I'm trying to wrap my head around why do marxists and socialists idealize and overestimate cheap, manual labor? I see a lot of posts on there demanding "fair pay" for low-paying job but to the best of my understanding the simple reality is that cheap labor just isn't that valuable. It's low-entry and these days can often times be automated.

As long as we exclude trust fund babies who were just born into the top then as far as I see, people in the top are objectively bringing more value to the table. Sure, they're not doing physical labor but that's the thing - physical labor isn't that valuable.

Looking for insights that I might have missed. Thanks!

I experience this a lot. In attempts to trying to get close to someone, I can’t seem to stop thinking about them, and talk to them whenever I have the chance ... then after noticing something that makes me uneasy —usually from making assumptions, as if I can read minds— I run the other way as fast as I can and do my personal best in acting as if the person does not exist.

Providing them with no explanation of my sudden absence.

Then realizing later that night that (or maybe just another assumption) you’ve made a huge mistake.

And then wanting to make things right, but knowing that those sudden periods of extreme lack of communication are rather rude, and feeling tension that may or may not exist with that person.

How do you confront that person and explain why you do such things? Especially if it is probable that you will do it again, though resentful of these actions.

Does anyone else experience this?

P.S sorry if this is oddly specific, If this needs clarification let me know.

I don't even know where to begin with this. I feel so lost right now. My Command has been supportive since I self admitted to Mental Health but after I was hospitalized and with my recent diagnosis nobody wants to give me straight answers or talk to me like I'm an adult. They say "Don't worry about the future just focus on yourself now"; WELL I AM but my career is going to be impacted, but I just want to know HOW. I don't even care if it's "negative" or I will be kicked out or MEB'd. I just want to KNOW. What doors have closed? I have been coded unable to TDY, PSC, or take leave (without scrutiny). I was sexually assaulted and my command made an unrestricted report so now I can do an expedited transfer (ET) but if I'm coded unable to PCS can I still ET? I have so many questions I don't know what to do.

In our loneliness and our need to grasp at an LO as a way to save our souls, we often idealize these human beings and mystically believe that their beliefs and values align with ours.

It’s part of the chemical soup that biology created for us to “get together not stay together”.

The best way to address it head on as a limerent is to address or test these idealizations head on.

Had I had the experience I had with my exLO 6-7-12 months ago, I would have saved myself tremendous heartache.

Still, I don’t dismiss the personal growth from this experience and I stay humbled.

Why does that make someone "square"?

Maybe YOU are just so desensitized, that you don't get anything out of beholding and honoring a value, but have to DESTROY it, in order to feel anything.

Maybe that is the mindset of a hedonist, of someone who always needs a greater rush to sate their more and more desensitized mind, and who does NOTHING but destroy, devalue and consume on that path, because you lack appreciation.

Maybe you just have an inflated sense of self importance, and need something that makes you "different" and "crazy".

By some western leftists and nationalists just because they oppose NATO ? I am not a NATO fangirl but praising those islamo-fascists is too much , and I really cant help but feel like NATO colonialism is better than Pakistani one. And of course I got called "islamophobic" over it.

When you idealize someone, do you basically choose to not to see all of the flaws they might have, or do you see them but not give them long enough thoughts for them to actually rationalize and settle in your head and you hyper focus on the good parts? Or is it both, different from person to person?

Like, the initial “high” stage when we got back together (me crawling back to him) got shorter and shorter.

This time, it seemed to be going well..... then I ruined it. By freaking out when he didn’t message me all day (I have no trust) and causing an argument.

For literally months after, he pulled away, wasn’t affectionate, stopped calling me pet names. Told me his feelings weren’t the same after “all my shit”. Told me I needed to prove myself to him that I could change and be better. Of course I couldn’t, I kept running off my insecurities and stress and drama. So eventually after months of this torture he discarded me.

Of course - it wasn’t just that one thing that switched it. We’d had a LOT of problems. But the “threshold” to switch to this became a lot lower if that makes sense? Like normally we’d be arguing for a while then things would go downhill. This was more sudden. And also, no matter how hard I tried to make things good again, it was just never the same.

And it was torture. I felt we were always on the edge of him dumping me. And we were. And I messed it up because the fact he was so unaffectionate with me made me feel MORE unhinged and anxious. So I could not relax.

My question is, based on what I’ve read this is devaluation. He was probably grooming someone else - makes sense given how quickly he moved on after me (:()

But how do I know he really wasn’t just emotionally checking out? That he felt obligated to keep talking to me? He said he felt worried about what I would do if he left me and that he felt I wouldn’t let him go. Even though he’d left so many times before.

But maybe he just lost feelings and was just stringing me along because I was there? Or out of pity or something? Or maybe to string me along til he found a girl he actually wanted? I was very low effort.

How can you tell...?