"I didn't," he said. "This is a precipitation trophy."
Stone Cold Jane Austen
It was the Fred Schneider cut. Oops!
LOL.
Good players are hard to find.
Do not even get me started.
I still don’t know what she sees in me.
So I took her to the airport.
He was my roll model.
It should actually be called the VIII League
http://www.reddit.com/r/rocketleague/comments/4y86xg/_/d6mijm3
He responded... http://imgur.com/vJI33Rx
My friends and I are starting a beer pong league and every second month we are going to have a special event (PPV) for a title belt. For these special events I wanted WWE PPV names with alcohol related puns. (For example Summer Tequila Slammers, TLC - Tequila, Liquor & Champagne)
If anyone could help me come up with some I'd it would be greatly appreciated! Thanks!
The entire novel was a sub-plot.
I said I didn’t know he did that. What’s his league night?
- The groom gave me permission to riddle the best man speech with puns which was great, but im a bit worried Illinois the rest of you.
- Firstly, I’d like to thank you all for coming to celebrate these two here at their Maryland, im sorry wedding.
- Iowa lot to my brother because despite whatever situation or distance, he’s eager to check in and catch up. He’s always been a supportive brother and I’m happy to consider him a great friend.
- Augusta Maine thing is Idaho-ped that he might find someone to bring out the best in him, and that is the bride without a doubt.
- I’m Minnesota the middle of this thing and I want to to wish them all the happiness in the world. You guys always bring a smile and fill the space with joy from Florida ceiling.
- When you look back on your pictures and videos from today in a month, Montana half, I hope you remember all the love you have for each other and carry that with you.
- Utah have a bright future together and I hope you make the most of it. Whether you’re simply relaxing at home Washingtons of premier league games or traveling together (perhaps to any of the locations previously mentioned), I wish you all the love in the world and I’m fortunate to call you both family.
- Alaska you before I finish is that you forgive me for any puns that didn’t land and if I missed, I’ll try not to Michigan. Enjoy the rest of your night, here’s to the bride and groom!
At our bowling league today one of the lanes we were bowling on stopped working. Someone said "It looks like lane 6 is dead". So I looked at my dad and brother and said "I guess we should notify its next of pin."
All I got were sighs...
I just heard about 20,000 leagues under the C!
which was my 40th birthday. The BIG Four Oh! As in "Oh, you're 40 and not married? What's wrong with you?"
And my friends, as awesome as they are, kept setting me up on blind dates, but I never seemed to click with any of the women. Pretty women, short women, tall women, rough women, successful women, lazy women - I dated them all and more often than not, they just weren't interested in me.
I think I probably went on twenty or so dates that never resulted in a a single follow up date.
But two months before my birthday, I started dating two women and both fledgling relationships seemed like they were going somewhere as they were getting really, really serious. I couldn't choose one, but I didn't care. I just couldn't believe they were into me. Okay, maybe they weren't the best looking, but I was so desperate for a wife, and I'm definitely no prize myself.
With a few weeks to go before my birthday, I knew I had to act if I had any hope of being married. I bought two rings and proposed to them both (on separate nights, of course) and they both said no. In fact, though they never knew of each other, I went from two good things to both of them not returning my calls. I guess proposing in a mall food court (for Jenny) or down on my knees in front of the bathroom at a minor league baseball game (Susan) were not my best laid plans, doomed to fail. Or maybe I just reeked of desperation.
So the morning of my birthday, I was practically in tears, deep in depression as I knew I missed my deadline. But my friends came though, kind of. They took me out bar hopping and then we all went back to my place where they had a stripper waiting in my favorite chair. She got up, sat me down, and gave me a grinding lap dance. She said nothing, but after a minute, stopped, turned around, looked me in the eye and said "one." Then she started up again, stopped after a minute, turned around and said "two..."
This went on all night until she got to "forty."
It's been a few months now, and I'm not too sad. My friends really tried to get me married, and after two near mrs, I guess it was the thot that counts.
Sitting in the cinema when the trailers end and the light comes up for a minute before the real movie starts.
Dad: "Well, well what a nice movie, wasn't it? A little short but still..." pretends to stand up and leave
On rare occasions I have seen two dads do the pretending to leave thing at the same fucking time. It's like the universal dadjoke one has to perform at least once before entering the magic league of joking dads.
I guess she's out of my league.
So I was having dinner with my father attempting to describe to him a bad experience I had while playing a game of League of Legends with my boyfriend. The conversation went as follows. " SO yeah, I was Evelynn a champion who can go invisible and my boyfriend told me to go back door their nexus, which is to go attack it when the team isn't there to defend it's kinda a cheep tactic, but ended up not working. Sigh" I look up at him and he replied completely straight-faced "At least you can't get pregnant that way" Needless to say I blushed profusely.
My dad an I bowl in a league together, and one of the guys on team we were against last night kept getting strikes. On his 6th in a row, my dad commented "He's doing it with ease." I pointed at the scoreboard and said "Pretty sure those are Xs."
I didn't approach her. She was totally out of my league.
When Harry Met Salad
What About Ke-Bob
Cumin to America
Weekend at Bearneaise II
Steakin I, II, & III
A Few Good Salmon
You’ve Got Kale
Shawshank Re-Dim Sum
Romancing the Scone
An Éclair to Remember
Roman Hollandaise
Glazed and Confused
Bill & Ted’s Eggcellent Adventure
The Evil Bread
Kiss Kiss Bang Bang Shrimp
Fondue the Right Thing
Ribeyes Wide Shut
Mignons
Plante of the Grapes
Spider Manchu
Sushis All That
A Wok to Remember
Marsala-la Land
Apocalypse Cow
Die Chard
Die Chard with a Vinaigrette
Hogan’s Gyros
The Sand Latkes
A League of their Macaroni
Revenge of the Curds
Rush S’More
Braising Arizona
Demolition Ham
10 Things I hate About Ewe
Saladin
Oliver and Com-penne
Dirty Rotten Chanterelles
Sex and the Satay
The Truth About Cats & Hotdogs
Morella Enchanted
Provolone Together
Clear and Pheasant Danger
The Big Chili
Lémon: The Professional
Ava-Tartare
Hocous Pocous
High Fi-Deli Meat
Madagascargot
The Fifth Elementos
Muensters Inc.
There’s Something About Rosemary
I Am Ham
Quiche Lorraine Man
Barley & Me
Lentil Giants
Peggy Soufflé Got Married
Face Stroganoff
Con Gruyére
Fast Times at Porridgemont High
Bok Choys in the Hood
Papillonion
Requinoa for a Dream
Serial Cardamom
I was told this belonged here..
When I was about 13 yrs old, I was playing basketball at the rec league by my house. During one of the games, an opponent was fouled. So we are lined up waiting for him to shoot his foul shots, and my coach sends in a substitute player for me. So I'm jogging towards the bench. When I get about 10-15ft away from the bench, I tripped and slide head-first into the bench. The whole gym let's out an, "ooohhh....", and just as it gets quiet, my dad stands up on the other side of the gym and like an umpire in baseball yells, "SAFE!"
After the game, I yelled at him for it. His response... "Hey, I could've called you 'out!'"
We were queued up to play an ARAM in league of legends when he says "I have 747 wins in ARAM"
Immediately I respond "How Boeing"
He didnt get it at first but then you just hear the deepest of sighs
This was a couple years ago, my dad and I were at my sister's little league game.
pitch goes by, called a ball
Parents watching game: "good eye, good eye"
My dad: "is it just me or are there a lot of Australians here today?"
I got into an ARAM game the other day. For those of you who do not know there are characters, or champions, you pick in the game. ARAM is a game-mode in League of Legends where the computer gives you a random character out of the 130+ champions, or so. I am not good at all the champions... not even close! So a way to balance this out the game allows you to trade champions with the other people on your team.
So in this game there is a champion called Fizz which I am not good with at all, which I randomly got... and this is what happened inside the pre-game chat:
Me: Oh shoot.
Me: Can anyone trade me?
--Someone trades me their champion--
Me: Thank you! I am so bad with this little guy that you can say I am... Fizzically challenged.
From a game lobby where I was the only one who used chat, it exploded to people typing their moaning and groaning, sensible chuckles, and hearty "LOLs".
Major League Baseball fans will get this one.
We stayed at a hotel last night. This morning my dad was putting on his Craig Kimbrel t-shirt. He looked at me when I was wearing my Andrelton Simmons t-shirt.
Dad: "Sorry SigilOfStark, looks like we're twins today."
Me: "No, Dad. We're Braves."
I got a sensible chuckle from him and a well-deserved groan from my mom.
I have very recently started training with a Men's Roller Derby team. A lot of the guys are refs in the local Women's Roller Derby league and this evening I was helping them get the track ready for the weekend.
Three of us were busy duct-taping a rope around the edge of the track when some guy came up to me and said "It look's like they've roped you in."
Dad: "So do you only play against the local schools?" Cousin: "No, it's travel league" Dad: "Well, I prefer the leagues that make you dribble.."
I go play Monday night's at a church league, and the whole event is organized by this guy Rob:
Rob: Hey, did you guys hear on the radio today about that celebrity who stabbed her husband?
Us: No, who was it?
Rob: Um, what was her name. Reese...
Us: Witherspoon?!
Rob: No, with her knife
Us: ....
Dad and I walk into minor hockey league stadium. He sees the Chuck-A-Puck booth, stops me and say "if we move up to the big leagues they'll change the name to Charles-A-Puck".
My brain couldn't decide if I should laugh or just roll my eyes so I did neither and just stared blankly. It did not phase him.
I was celebrating my birthday with family when this exchange occurred between my grandpa and aunt.
My Aunt: "Sorry your uncle couldn't make it to the party. He has a little league game tonight."
Grandpa: "Isn't he a bit old for little league? Hehehe!"
Was at the local dairy with the family because they have a large baseball diamond and a few smaller ones for the Little League. As we were walking by the main building, my 10 year old son says "What's that smell?" Without skipping a beat I said, "That's the derriere......."
Theres this kid named Sam that i played soccer with way back like 18 years ago. He had four fingers on one hand i dont remember why or how. I work with him now and when i first saw him i just remembered and said "we played soccer together." I was talking to my parents about how good i am with names and faces and told my parents about him. My dad coached my AYSO (the soccer league for little kids... i have a dad joke about that too) when sam was on my team. The dialogue:
Me: remember coaching sam? he had four fingers.
Dad: I dont remember coaching any Lord of the Rings teams.
