this joke is so bad that it deserves an f
I shit you not.
Hello people of reddit i need a huge favor my friend's birthday is coming soon and i need to tell her happy birthday include a pun with her name. So if any of you got a pun it will be awesome.
Her name is Valerie
Sorry for the bad english not my first language
A phone company that a family member works for asked their employees to come up with a pun. She's having trouble, so I told her I'd post here for some help.
She needs a pun relating to something like phone, 4g, call, or anything like that.
Example: Phone thugs-n-harmony
Show me what you got r/puns!
Iβm shocked I got no pun in ten dads.
When I got home, they were still there.
But when I got home all the signs were there
"Tell him I've already got one!"
I never got a straight answer.
The bartender comes to him and says 'you look different now, is anything wrong'
Pirate: 'Oh nothing'
'What about your leg, where did it go'
'I boarded a ship, slipped and it got eaten by a shark'
'What about the hook, where did the hand go'
'I lost it in a heated swordfight'
'Then how did you get the eyepatch'
'I was cleaning the deck and a bird pooped in it'
'That doesn't make any sense, how can you get an eyepatch from a bird pooping in your eye'
'It was my first day with the hook'
- I once got fired from a canned juice company. Apparently I couldn't concentrate.
"I have no son"
"Thanks for supporting me"
I'm sure this has been done but it got a chuckle out of me
Edit wow, I wasn't expecting an award. Thank you kind stranger!
There was once a boy. He was the son of the richest man in the universe. Mark Zuckerberg, Bill Gates, he dwarfed them all. He was a multi-trillionaire. Now, it was this boy's birthday. His father asked him,
"My son. I am the richest man in the universe. I could buy you anything you want for your birthday. A store full of lego, all the video games in the world, anything. What would you like?"
His son replied.
"Oh father. It would make me the happiest boy in the world if you could get me one pink ping pong ball."
His father was rather confused by this request. Out of all the things he could've chosen, his son chose a ping pong ball. Nonetheless, he agreed and gave him a pink ping pong ball. His son was overjoyed and spoke to him.
"My father, you have made me the happiest boy in the world. May I go up to my room and play with my pink ping pong ball?"
"Okay son, go ahead."
The boy then went up to his room and played with his pink ping pong ball. When his father went in the next morning to check on him, the boy was sleeping in his bed and the pink ping pong ball was nowhere to be found.
On the boy's next birthday, his father asked him again.
"My son. I am the richest man in the universe. I could buy you anything you want for your birthday. What would you like?"
His son replied.
"Oh father. It would make me the happiest boy in the world if you could get me one box full of pink ping pong balls."
His father was again, confused by this. Still, he bought a cardboard box and filled it with ping pong balls. He gave it to his son, who said.
"My father, you have made me the happiest boy in the world. May I go up to my room and play with my pink ping pong balls?"
The father nodded, and the son went up to his room to play. The next morning when his father went to check, the boy was sleeping peacefully and there were no pink ping pong balls in sight. Just the empty cardboard box in the middle of the room.
On the boy's next birthday, his father asked him again.
"My son. I am the richest man in the universe. I could buy you anything you want for your birthday. What would you like?"
"Oh father. It would make me the happiest boy in the world if you could get me one truck full of ping pong balls."
Now, by this point, the father was extremely confused. Why did the boy want so many pink ping pong balls and where were they going? He asked.
"My son. You are the most precious thing in the world to me and I can certainly get you this, but may I ask, why do you want
... keep reading on reddit β‘New to this subreddit. I know the point of this thing is to share funny jokes, but since I'm a newbie I hope you'll allow me this one opportunity to make a serious but friendly PSA: If you're lucky enough to have a father, don't take him for granted. Even when they scold or punish you, trust their judgement, it's likely for good reason even if you can't see it at the time. When I was a child I narrowly avoided a horrific accident in which 4 of my friends were electrocuted at a playground we used to play on every day after school. I used to hate my old man for being so strict and disciplining me when all of my friends got to run wild, but if it weren't for him I definitely would have been electrocuted too that day. But I wasn't. I was grounded.
but no one got it.
I never got the chants.
I've got a stack of them. The first ones on the house.
He never got to finish his sentence
He got his money for nothinβ and his chicks for free
Dad: Easy - you just throw a click bait into the water
Son: Got it. What's next?
Dad: What happens next will shock you
He pasta way. We cannoli do so much. Theres nutelling what can happen next... His legacy will become a pizza history. Here today, gone tomato. I can only espress-so much grief, but lettuce romaine calm. How sad that he ran out of thyme. Ashes to ashes, crust to crust. There's just not mushroom left for italian chefs in this world... Sending olive my prayers to his family. His wife is really upset, cheese still not over it... You never sausage a tragic thing. Its such a shame good people die fusilli reasons. It was a farfalle from grace... My condolences for Roberto, who died in the spaghetto. May he rest in yeastππ»β€οΈ
Wow! Im so glad so many people laughed at this joke, I got so much happy feedback from everyone lol thank u sm for all the rewards and upvotes, my week couldnt get better!π
From an email my cousin sent me:
I wanted to be a monk but I never got the chants.
I was kidnapped by mimes, they did unspeakable things to me.
The finest shoes are made of smooth leather, my opinion will never be suede.
A perfectionist walked into a bar - apparently it wasn't set high enough.
Man injured in bizarre peek-a-boo accident! He's in ICU.
Went to this horrible bar called "The Fiddle" ... it really was a vile inn.
To the thief who stole my glasses, I will find you - I have contacts.
If any of you knows how to fix hinges my door is always open.
Police car loses wheels to thief! Cops are working tirelessly to nab suspect.
Cold? Go stand in the corner, it's 90 degrees.
If your guy doesn't appreciate fresh fruit puns let that mango.
A few puns make me numb but math puns make me number.
My friend was explaining electricity and I was like "Watt"?
Someone threw a jar of mayo at me, I was like "What the hellman?"
Where did the Terminator find toilet paper? Aisle B, back.
Due to the quarantine I'll only be doing inside jokes.
The crews got marooned...
Me: Correction, I keep putting the remote in "remote" places. That's where it belongs right?
I got a eye roll and a sigh, score.
So, I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend.
Jay-Z's son is playing a fighter and is engaged in a grueling fight with a troll. The troll is clearly too high a difficulty for the fighter.
"Dad," Jay-Z's son exclaims in frustration. "The troll is destroying me!" Just at that moment, from behind a nearby hill appears an army of goblins led by what appears to be an intoxicated lich.
Jay-Z looks at his son and replies with a smirk, "If you're having troll problems, I feel bad for you, son. I've got 99 goblins and a lich on rum."
My wife was complaining about how i'm not spontanious or creative, unless it involves terrible jokes, so i went out and got a tattoo (my first one). But since im not very creative i had them tattoo a pic of my thermos from work. I went home all excited and showed her my new tattoo! She was really confused about it. She looked at it for awhile and when she went to touch it i yelled at her not to touch the thermos tat. I think she's leaving me now :(
I didn't know ants got married.
I have got loads of back issues.
Dad: βNo, I got them all cutβ
The pirate says, "Argh, I've got a Bounty on me head!"
It got stuck in a crack!
They got six months each.
My wife was dishing out food. She put some salad on a plate and handed it to my daughter.
Then my wife looked at me and said, "Cesar Salad?"
I immediately grabbed my daughter's plate and pulled it out of her hands. My daughter got confused (maybe wondering if she did something wrong?). My wife asks me, "What the hell are you doing???"
I responded, "Sorry. Could have sworn you just said seize her salad."
You've got to hand it to them.
I put it on, expecting relaxing ambient sounds like cicadas and such, but all I got was a droning buzz. That's when I realized that I was playing the bee side.
No body laughed at that time, but eventually everyone got it.
His mom got really angry!
After I dug into the details of a theoretical zombie crisis and the entrances and exits of our home, I settled on the master bedroom.
My son sighs and says, "the living room."
High five buddy, you got me.
I said "you got perfect eyesight."
They could have at least waited until I got dressed and left.
The place got burger-larized!
I guess he got a promotion for being the only one outstanding in his field
But China got it right off the bat.
Yeah, she's got a hive mind now.
