I asked my Dad why he decided to buy a boat?
He said "There was a sail."
I decided to sell my vacuum...
It was only collecting dust.
I decided to stop walking under billboards after one collapsed on top of me.
I took it as a sign from above.
this year, i have decided to type everything in lower case letters.
i have stopped giving a shift.
The wife and I have decided we don’t want kids
They’re not taking it very well
For Valentines Day, I decided to get my wife some beads for an abacus.
It's the little things that count.
I decided to throw a block of butter off my roof today...
I guess i could say that i saw a butterfly
I've decided to seek help for my irrational fear of speed humps...
I'm slowly getting over it.
My wife and I have decided that we don’t want children
We will be telling them tonight.
I won $6million in the lottery and have decided to donate a quarter of it to charity....
I now have $5.999,999,75c left.
Today, my wife and I decided we would not like children.
So we will be kicking them out tonight.
I've decided to quit my job as a personal trainer because I'm not big enough or strong enough.
I've just handed in my too weak notice.
The other day I decided to install a highly decorative wall plug in my living room.
I needed a creative outlet.
I've decided to invest all my money in soup stocks
I want to be a bouillonaire.
I havent read a book in ages. So i decided to start with a book of how clocks work.
I recently decided to learn sign language...
So that I can tell jokes nobody has ever heard.
Weird film trivia: I just found out that Thandie Newton's character from Mission: Impossible 2 was originally going to appear in Goldeneye, but her part was cut when they decided to film in Russia.
I’ve finally decided to shave my private area.
I need to stop beating around the bush.
I once met a talking dog, and decided to ask "what do you get from a tree's outer layer?"
But it's answer was just a bark
Edit:spelling
today is my first cake day so I decided to give you guys a joke
What do you call an Irishman bouncing off the walls?
Rick O Shea
Just saw that joke about eating a clock for the umpteenth time. Finally decided to try eating a clock myself, but now I'm freaking out.
I think I picked up a nervous tic.
My son is getting so fat, I've decided to put all his favourite snacks at a place he can't reach.
When I was in florida I saw signs saying "animal sanctuary 5$." so I decided to follow them but when I got there it was just a middle aged couple with hundreds of house cats and one dog in a cage.
My neighbour and I became good friends, so we decided to share our water supply.
I've decided to start storing everything in the Cloud, and it's a lot easier than you'd think
Although I'm still not sure how exactly I'm supposed to get anything back down... I guess I'll just have to wait until the balloons pop to use my TV again.
I decided not to get rid of my tumor anymore
I dont know why, i guess it just grew on me
My wife complains that I'm getting fat. So this winter I decided to diet.
It's called inter"mitten" fasting to keep my hands of food
I've decided to marry a pencil.
I can't wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B.
I make Christmas wreaths for a living. So I decided I would make one out of 100 dollar bills the other day.
I call it a wreath of Franklin.
After I was arrested, my ex-wife decided to hang a picture of my mugshot on the wall in her living room.
But she still won't admit she framed me.
When I went to university in the early 80's I decided to do my thesis on procrastination.
I guess I should really get around to starting it.
I've decided to stop tying my shoes
After a few uses, I decided to get rid of my vacuum.
I won a $1million in the lottery last night and have decided to donate a quarter of it to charity.
I now have 999.999.75 left.
My girlfriend and I have been really stressed and having some issues so we decided to take a mini vacation, a weekend trip to a ski resort.
Everything started off well, but things went downhill really fast.
I just had a new wash basin delivered to our house for our guest bathroom, but my wife decided that she hates the design so much she won't even let me bring it in off the porch. It has been sitting by our front door for a week, A ENTIRE WEEK.
I was considering investing in a Chinese distillery but decided against it.
I decided to go on a vacation with my family. Almost all the hotel rooms were booked except one
It was our last resort...
I was thinking of going as a bandaid this Halloween, but then decided against it.
I find it really hard to pull it off.
A friend decided to gift me the boots I’ve been drooling over
They weren’t the color I wanted, but beggars can’t be shoes-y.
After my failed attempt at growing vegetables this year, I've decided to become a music producer.
I've got a ton of sick beets.
So I decided I'm going to put cigarette pictures on my Tinder
Because I'm looking for matches
With all the talk of the pandemic and vaccines recently, I decided to consult a micro-biologist.
I thought they'd be smaller.
For Valentines Day, I decided to get my girlfriend some beads for an abacus.
It’s the little things that count.
I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner...
Well, it was just collecting dust.
I decided to sell my vacuum...
I decided to quit my job as a personal trainer because I’m not big enough or strong enough
I’ve just handed in my Too weak notice.
My next door neighbor and I are good friends, so we decided to share our water supply.
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