I decided to eat a kids meal for the first time at McDonalds today.
His parents got really upset.
๐︎ 315
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︎ Aug 06 2021
Iโve decided to quit my job as a personal trainer because Iโm not big enough or strong enough.
Just handed in my too weak notice.
๐︎ 436
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︎ Jul 23 2021
I finally decided to sell my vacuum cleaner.
All it was doing was gathering dust!
๐︎ 110
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︎ Jul 26 2021
My neighbour and I became good friends, so we decided to share our water supply.
๐︎ 250
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︎ Jul 05 2021
[OC] I said this at work and decided it would make a good cartoon
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︎ Aug 01 2021
I asked my Dad why he decided to buy a boat?
He said "There was a sail."
๐︎ 7k
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︎ Mar 18 2021
I decided to buy a vault to keep my money in.
๐︎ 19
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︎ Aug 07 2021
With all the petitions on this sub I decided to start one to raise awareness on belly button styles
๐︎ 3
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︎ Aug 27 2021
I decided to drop out of school last night, and today I got an email that there was active shooter situation near my classroom
...I guess I really dodged a bullet there.
(believe it or not this post is based on real-life events ๐ฌ)
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︎ Aug 27 2021
My mom assured me that my pun about tunnel-dwelling rodents will work so I decided to Gopher it.
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︎ Jul 21 2021
I've decided to become an xray technician
I want to take photos of people that brings their inner selves.
๐︎ 3
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︎ Aug 25 2021
So Dad is getting older and senile and always doing crazy sh1t and we decided to sell the house and put him in a senior center. I came home last night and found an alligator in a cardigan on the kitchen floor. I said dammit Dad! WTH! This crazy stuff is why we are selling the house!
He says "I know, this is the home in-vest-i-gator."
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︎ Aug 10 2021
Iโve decided to name my son Mark.
That way, when I die, Iโll be able to say I left a mark on this world.
๐︎ 879
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︎ Apr 21 2021
My girlfriend and I decided to watch two movies back-to-back.
I'm glad I was the one facing the TV.
๐︎ 115
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︎ Jun 23 2021
Was too depressed to sleep so I decided to read a book
I only had a math book nearby and I don't need any more problems.
๐︎ 33
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︎ Jun 15 2021
I decided to invest in a coin maker.
๐︎ 23
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︎ Jun 28 2021
I've decided I don't want to be fat, so I now identify as skinny.
Guess that means I'm trans-slender
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︎ Jun 20 2021
My girlfriend and I have had a hard breakup lately. She decided to work for the government.
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︎ Jun 17 2021
I finally decided to do something about my weight.
From now on, I'm simply going to lie about it.
๐︎ 13
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︎ Jun 15 2021
I have decided to give up certain exercises
๐︎ 2
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︎ Jul 30 2021
Last night I decided to memorize a few pages of the dictionary
I learned next to nothing
๐︎ 10
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︎ Jul 16 2021
So i decided to play hide n seek with my straight friend
And now he won't come out of closet
๐︎ 4
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︎ Jul 23 2021
I bought a horse the other day. I've decided to name it Mayo...
... because sometimes Mayo neighs.
๐︎ 24
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︎ Jul 03 2021
I was really mad when our local pub decided to hang all their dartboards from the ceiling.
It really makes me want to throw up.
๐︎ 77
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︎ May 12 2021
I was going to make a joke about Bill Gates Divorce but I decided not to..
๐︎ 76
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︎ May 06 2021
I live next to the rubbish dump and have a huge fly problem, the bloody things are everywhere. It's gotten so bad I've decided to sell my house and move...
๐︎ 16
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︎ Jun 04 2021
When I was young I decided to become an archeologist.
Now my career is in ruins.
๐︎ 56
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︎ Apr 14 2021
I decided to make a custard last night, and it was awesome!
I love it when a flan comes together.
๐︎ 16
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︎ Jun 04 2021
My dad is a Star Wars fan so I decided to draw him a picture of Grogu for Fatherโs Day.
He took one look at it, shook his head and said...
โYoda, bestโ
Happy Fatherโs Day!
๐︎ 7
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︎ Jun 20 2021
As a patriot, I have decided to buy my next Honda directly from Japan and pay the necessary tariffs.
It will...be my Civic duty.
๐︎ 67
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︎ Apr 11 2021
I decided to stop walking under billboards after one collapsed on top of me.
I took it as a sign from above.
๐︎ 170
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︎ Mar 07 2021
My wife and I have decided that we don't want children
And if anyone does we can drop them off at the weekend
๐︎ 37
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︎ Apr 15 2021
I decided to add a water fixture to my back yard...
๐︎ 18
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︎ May 13 2021
I've decided to marry a pencil.
I can't wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B.
๐︎ 11k
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︎ Jun 28 2020
I decided I do not want any children
If anybody wants one, I can drop her off tomorrow.
๐︎ 7
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︎ May 12 2021
I've decided to invest all my money in soup stocks
I want to be a bouillonaire.
๐︎ 380
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︎ Dec 02 2020
After I was arrested, my ex-wife decided to hang a picture of my mugshot on the wall in her living room.
But she still won't admit she framed me.
๐︎ 14k
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︎ Aug 02 2020
I recently decided to learn sign language...
So that I can tell jokes nobody has ever heard.
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︎ Nov 24 2020
The wife and I have decided we donโt want kids
Theyโre not taking it very well
๐︎ 183
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︎ Feb 02 2021
this year, i have decided to type everything in lower case letters.
i have stopped giving a shift.
๐︎ 22
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︎ Mar 09 2021
Iโve decided to open a museum dedicated to bracelets that happen to be magnetic.
Hopefully it will be a big two-wrist attraction.
๐︎ 9
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︎ Apr 25 2021
I decided to sell my vacuum...
It was only collecting dust.
๐︎ 6k
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︎ Jan 04 2021
My next door neighbor and I are very good friends, so we decided to share our water supply, because..
๐︎ 40
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︎ May 25 2021
I've decided to quit my job as a personal trainer because I'm not big enough or strong enough.
I've just handed in my too weak notice.
๐︎ 8k
๐
︎ Oct 22 2020
I decided to quit my job as a personal trainer because Iโm not big enough or strong enough
Iโve just handed in my Too weak notice.
๐︎ 13k
๐
︎ Jun 13 2020
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