Every morning when I leave the house for work, I get hit by the same bike. Every morning!
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︎ Jul 16 2021
Why do crows get hit by trucks more often than cars?
Cuz they can warn their buddies about βcahβs, but not trucks.
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︎ Jun 26 2021
Yesterday I got hit by a can.
Thank god! Nothing happened because it was a soft drink.
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︎ Mar 29 2021
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasantβs head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Dukeβs son and knocked him off the battle field.
Yeah, apparently it was the first ever serf face to heir missile.
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︎ Mar 22 2021
Willie Nelson got hit by a car
He was playing on the road again
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︎ Mar 03 2021
I got hit in the head by a can of Coke today.
I'm okay, it was a soft drink.
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︎ Dec 02 2020
I was hit by a bottle of Omega-3 capsules
Luckily, I only suffered super fish oil injuries
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︎ Aug 25 2020
There was a recent study showing that crows were hit a lot more by trucks than cars...
they came to the conclusion that this was because crows can warn each other by going "CAAAR CAAAR" but can't say "TRUCK TRUCK"
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︎ Dec 02 2020
My neighbor got hit by a rental car.
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︎ Nov 26 2020
These comments where from a clip where someone cleaning at a foreign range almost gets hit by a stray bullet
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︎ Sep 15 2020
*Black gets hit by the Killing Curse*
Black: Harry, Iβm dead.
Harry: Are you serious?
Black: Yes, Iβm dead Sirius.
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︎ Sep 04 2020
A carrot and his wife are walking home from a party late at night and he gets hit by a car.
Mrs. Carrot takes him to the ER and after a day of surgery, the doctor steps out and says, "Mrs. Carrot, I have good news and I have bad news. The good news is, we saved your husband. The bad news is, he's going to be a vegetable the rest of his life."
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︎ Jun 17 2020
What does it feel like to get hit by a wave frequency?
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︎ Jul 03 2020
I was hit by some coca cola today...
...it didn't hurt because it was a soft drink.
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︎ Nov 02 2020
Today was a terrible day. First my ex got hit by a bus.
Then I lost my job as a driver.
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︎ Feb 08 2020
You've been hit by, you've been struck by, A . . .
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︎ May 08 2020
You've been hit by, you've been struck by a....
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︎ May 12 2020
My friend was hit by a car shortly after throwing coins in a wishing well
I thought βwell thatβs unfortunateβ
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︎ Sep 10 2020
Did you hear about the boarding house that was hit by a tornado?
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︎ Aug 10 2020
I didn't appreciate reincarnation until I got hit by that truck...
And woke up feeling like a whole new man
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︎ Jul 21 2020
When the AC circuits in your home are hit by a DC lightning bolt..
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︎ Aug 09 2020
The local mosque got hit by coronavirus.
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︎ Mar 17 2020
Cop: "I'm sorry to say this sir, but it looks like your wife has been hit by a truck."
Dad: "Yeah, but she has a great personality."
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︎ Jun 10 2018
My jackass husband just hit me with this one. Pretend you are on a boat surrounded by sharks. How do you survive?
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︎ Jul 03 2019
Recently I took my family on a road trip, and we got a flat tire. When my daughter got out of the car to help, she almost got hit by a car.
Good thing she wasn't, that trip would've been short-lived.
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︎ Jun 27 2020
I asked my friend if he would rather be hit in the genitals really hard, driven over a cliff and smacked in the face by a lesbian OR watch his favourite late night host. βThatβs easyβ, he replied...
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︎ Jun 07 2020
I saw a cyclist riding close to a steep cliff. He hit some gravel and veered away from the road toward the precipice. At the last minute he saved himself by jumping from his bike.
For a moment, I thought he was gone with the Schwinn.
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︎ Jun 04 2020
My friend tried to ride his horse from Maine to the Southwestern United States for a type of bean but was hit by an older Ford...
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︎ Jun 09 2020
The first thing Iβll say if Captain James Hook ever get hit by a truck is
βYou ainβt seeing half of the insurance moneyβ
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︎ Jun 06 2020
Why did the chicken get hit by a truck?
Cuz odds are that's what will happen when you keep crossing the damn road.
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︎ Apr 29 2020
I got hit by a rickshaw while crossing the road today
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︎ Apr 03 2020
Did you hear about the blind guy who got hit by a train?
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︎ Nov 11 2019
I just came back from my coworkerβs funeral, who died when he was hit on the head by a tennis ball.
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︎ May 30 2019
I was hit in the face by a Snowball...
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︎ Feb 03 2020
Everyone is so surprised after getting hit by a calculator...
... I guess they weren't counting on it
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︎ Aug 06 2018
My geometry class got hit by a tornado today.
All that's left is wrecked angles.
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︎ Feb 01 2020
I got a call at work the other day from a doctor at the hospital. He says "I have some bad news... It looks like your wife has been hit by a bus."
I said "But she has a great personality."
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︎ Sep 09 2019
Every morning on the way to work, I get hit by the same bike. Every morning!
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︎ Jul 17 2021
Every morning I leave my house and get hit by a bicycle,
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︎ Jun 27 2021
Today I got hit in the head by a can of soda.
Luckily it was a soft drink.
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︎ Jul 26 2020
My father just got hit by a rental car
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︎ Oct 21 2020
I got hit in the head by a soda can the other day...
Luckily, it was a soft drink!
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︎ Jun 13 2020
Every single morning I get hit by the same bike...
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︎ Nov 11 2018
The doctor said that it looks like my wife got hit by a truck
She has a great personality though
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︎ Jan 29 2020
A woman got hit in the head by a can of soda
Thank goodness it was a soft drink
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︎ May 18 2018
Just been to the funeral of a close friend who died when he was hit in the head by a tennis ball
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︎ Nov 15 2019
Officer: βIβm sorry to say this sir, but it looks like your girlfriendβs been hit by a truckβ
Man: βYeah, but sheβs got a great personalityβ
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︎ Apr 23 2019
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