Hilary Name Puns

Wife said about my son that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. I replied that's because it's a Jonathan Apple ( my name is Jonathan). They'd never heard of them. Ten years later every time I say a bad dad joke, they both yell "Jonathan Apples". I though the original joke was hilarious, apparently not so.

It's been really cold in my neck of the world lately. Today a coworker came into the office and said, "I'm freezing."

My other coworker replies, "You're just going through a phase."

I'm not entirely sure it's a dad joke (it wasn't "Hi freezing, I'm [name]"), and maybe it's only hilarious to us because we're chemists, but I thought this subreddit might enjoy this.

We were out for dinner with a few friends, and one named Griffin. As we walked up to the entrance of the restaurant, one of the staff greeted us and opened the door for us. Griffin was turned around, telling us some hilarious story, so he didn't see this. As such, I said what any polite person would say under the circumstances: "Griffin, Door."

This happened a few years ago, but I only just discovered this sub, so here it is. Friend's dad took a few of us to see 300 in IMAX. There were a couple big digital marquees with the movie names and times once we got inside. One of them included "RESTROOM" on the bottom. We thought this was hilarious and started saying "let's go see Restroom instead! It sounds great! Hahaha."

Friend's dad turns to us with a completely straight face and says, "Nah, I heard it stinks."

In bed with my girlfriend and she for some reason sarcasticically says "You're fucking hilarious" I grinned and replied with "I didn't know your name was hilarious!" I got a groan and an explanation of why she hates dad jokes all the while I was cracking up

Dad: Will you be long on the laptop?

Me: I'm just checking my hotmail.

Dad: What's his name?

and then he takes it one further when I reply

Me: Hilarious, I'm just checking my e-mail.

Dad: I didn't know you could find men online.

I then had to try really hard not to laugh and encourage him.

Edit: Formatting.

So, my grandfather by the name of Leonard might lose his foot soon, due to diabetes/infection. Not at all hilarious, sure, but me and him have an awesome sense of humor. He lost his toe a few weeks back and I asked him if they placed it in a jar. He said, "No, they made it into stew."

My mother was less than pleased with our toe jokes but that was not the groaning moment.

A series of texts about my grandfather losing the entire foot ensues between my uncles, mom, sister and I. It went like this:

Me: If gramps loses his foot, in the worst case of scenarios, how would I go around asking the OR to put it in a jar? (directed to my sister who's a nurse)

Mom: OMG. Bad.

Sister: Ew. Lol.

Sister: http://giphy.com/gifs/jar-AuSAduPrXkDgk

Me: Oh man, if in forty years I'm ever at a family reunion all drunk, I'd be doing that. "Come my niece/nephew/grandchild! Speak of all your woes to the foot!"

Mom: STOP! Bad Grandchild!

Sister: You need a nap.

Me: I'd put the foot in an estate so that it can be passed down for many generations. It'll be the GrandPAW of Leo!

Mom: OMG

Sister: Ha!

We were talking about a news article about a guy who was embezzling money and my cousin says "it gets better, wait until you hear his girlfriend's name, it hilarious" to which my uncle mutters "hmm hilarious? That's a weird name"

So, this set were mine, ended up in webcomic form. Also, new dad, so I qualify.

Follow the link in my name below the webcomic if you want to read a very short story I wrote which received the reviews:

>This is the most intricately set up pun I have ever heard.

and

>This is absolutely hilarious. I have to fav this. Seriously, you handled the build-up and reveal perfectly.

Backstory: We live near a place that makes amazing pulled pork sandwiches. In addition, to having an amazing sandwiches they have a really cool cashier named Diego who we built up a friendly relationship with. Unfortunately, we haven't gone to this sandwich place a while and during this lull Diego left his job.

Me: We really need to get a pulled pork sandwich one of these days.

Fiancee: I don't know. I just wouldn't be the same without Diego there.

Me: So what you're saying is you wouldn't go... Sans Diego?

We don't live in San Diego or anything but we do live in Southern California and I thought it was hilarious.

I've recovering from a bad road bike crash where I fractured my hip and was in the hospital a few days after surgery (about 4 weeks ago). I was knocked unconscious in the crash, but my helmet probably saved my life and I was diagnosed with post-traumatic amnesia.

A few days later I was talking to a friend and he was asking about the crash and I said, "The doctor told me a name for the type of amnesia it is, but I don't remember it..."

He replied with a laugh, "Did you mean to make that joke?"

I didn't. It's hilarious.

This isn't a joke that came from a dad or anything but I hope it's worthy!

My father started waiting in 1979 and took one of his first jobs at this extremely fancy and expensive restaurant. The type of place that the waiters wore tuxedos and whatnot. Anyways my dad worked with this guy named Froggy (nickname of course) whom my dad still praises to this day that he's one of the best waiters he's ever worked with.

Anyways, one night it's extremely busy and both my father and Froggy were rushing around trying to keep up. Well Froggy had this table with about 5-7 people all who looked like they wore expensive clothing, ordered the best food and so on. Well one of the guys ordered a baked potato as a side and Froggy proceeds with typical waiter stuff as asks if he wanted sour cream with his baked potato. The man says yes so Froggy scoops the cream and attempts to place it on the potato. Well... as he was moving to place it on, the cream slipped off and right onto this guys extremely expensive sweater... Completely in shock, the customer turns to Froggy and without missing a beat, Froggy slowly turns his head in a comical fashion towards the ceiling and proclaims "Those damn pigeons!"

Needless to say every single person in that table were crying with laughter, including my father one table over who observed the whole ordeal. Froggy said he'd pay for the dry cleaning and the customer said not to worry about it because it was the most hilarious thing he's seen in ages.

Mom: I don't think either of you are very funny.

Wife: I think we're hilarious.

Me: No, we're the [LastName]s.

We were watching a reality show called Oak Island when my dad said, "This would take a turn if they'd misheard and its actually Poison Oak Island. (Cue dad laugh)

But it got me thinking about a game I saw on Hollywood Game Night where they merge someone's last name and someone's first name. Like Bruce Wayne Gretzky. I find that hilarious.

This is my game creation: merge a well known phrase with a TV show, movie or other media that completely changes the premise of the media in a funny way.

First contribution: Tie Die Hard