A man rushed into a Doctor's surgery, shouting ' help me please, I'm shrinking ' The Doctor calmly said ' now settle down a bit '..
..' you'll just have to learn to be a little patient '
Me: "Excuse me, can you show me where the self help books are?"
Librarian: "Well, that would kinda defeat the purpose, don't you think?"
A little boy ran up to me " please help, my Dad is in a fight " I followed and we came across two men fighting. I said, " Ok, which one is your Dad ? " ..
.. " I dunno, that's what they're fighting about "
A man bursts into his therapist's office and yells, "Doc, you gotta help me! I keep dreaming that I'm stuck inside a deck of cards!"
The therapist looks up from his paperwork, looks at the man, and says, "I'm busy at the moment, so I'll deal with you later."
Help me come up with puns which include the name Todd
Help me out: need some rockstar/music themed food puns for my 3 year old’s birthday party!
Having a small party for my guitar and music obsessed soon-to-be 3 year old. Wanted to put some signs next to the food to make it more on-theme. We’ll be serving:
Chicken nuggets
PB&Js (in the shape of guitars)
Veggie tray
Fruit tray
Water & juice
I’m struggling to think of stuff. So far I only have
Nirvana Nuggets (which I realize isn’t even a pun) and PB&J Richie Samboraches. Lame, I know 😂 Help me out if you can think of any more!
Can someone help me?
I just bought some water from IKEA but all I got were two canisters of hydrogen and one canister of oxygen.
"Someone help me find my cornucopia!",
The man cried fruitlessly
Can anybody give me some advice to help me removing ice from my windshield? I just tried with a discount card I had In my pocket
Doctor you've got you help me, I'm addicted to twitter.
Doctor: I don't follow you.
Help me with a name!!!
Hi guys! I’m opening and Etsy shop with my sisters selling stickers (for all ages). There’s 3 of us, we live on the south shore, Massachusetts by the beach. Looking for a punny name!!! Help me out :)
I've been depreased recently, so my wife said she was going to make a selection of Middle Eastern food to help cheer me up.
Instead she just made me falafel.
My daughter wanted to help me make some bread, so she offered to "proof" the dough for me.
"Really?"
"Sure," she said.
"It's the yeast I can do."
My wife is pissed at me. I made hard boiled eggs for breakfast this morning and let our 2 year old help peel them and he made a mess
I have been walking on eggshells ever since.
My wife came home from work stressed out from her day. I asked her how I could help, she asked me to draw her a bath.
I showed her the drawing I made, she replied “that wasn’t really what I had pictured...”
A farmer said to me “I have 68 sheep. Can you help round them up for me?”
“Can you help me with the curtains? I need to make sure the carpet matches the drapes.”
And THAT is a sexual in-your-window!
A Scotsman visits his doctor. He pulls his kilt up and says doctor you have to help me I'm going crazy
The doctor says I can clearly see your nuts
When my wife caught me standing on the bathroom scales, sucking in my stomach, she laughed, “Ha! That’s not going to help!”
“Sure, it does.” I said. “It’s the only way I can see the numbers.”
Me everytime someone asks for help
I asked some clams to help me move but all they wanted to do was sit there and breathe seawater.
I told them they were just being shellfish.
My wife asked me to help her wrap presents...
So I started doing my best human beatbox impersonation.
"Yo! Yo! Presents in da hizzzzzzz!"
She wasn't as amused as I was.
An old lady asked me if I could help her check her balance at the bank.
I asked my friend "Bro, can you help me designing this pamphlet?"
Doctor, help me! Sometimes I think I’m a Teepee and other times I think I’m a wigwam!
Doctor: obviously, you’re two tents
Don't get pun , help me
"Have you ever eaten wrong honey?"
"No?"
"Boooo"
I don't get it help me
Guys, can anyone help me look??
Woman on the floor: help! Someone call me an ambulance
My friend keeps asking me if I’ll help him build a dock behind his lake house, even though I keep telling him “no.”
Honestly, I’m feeling a lot of pier pressure.
Can any body help me?
Can anyone help?
There’s a bloke in this subreddit who calls himself Buster and he’s driving me mad with constant private messages.
Day after day he sends me youtube videos of 70’s glam rockers The Sweet.
Does anyone know the way, there's got to be a way to block Buster.
Help me making a pun names based around a samurai plant
this is for something important I just need a name for a plant who's also a samurai. Any pun name will be appreciated
My doctor told me that a blindfold might help me sleep, but I don’t know.
I can’t see myself wearing it.
Need some good puns when I whip this bad boy out on the course today. Help me out you geniuses!
I was feeling tense so my girlfriend sent me a .gif to help.
My pen ran out of ink and an ink fairy in the shape of a squid appeared. He said if I let him eat my dinner of shrimp he'd help me out by giving me some ink. The deal smelled kind of fishy, but I needed to finish my homework.
So we did it squid pro quo
I asked the shop owner if he could help me out
He said 'sure, which way did you come in'
I asked someone to help me on discord
I was a little "discord"anated
Can someone help me with a joke?
I think I have something here, just need a little help with the ending. This is what I have so far.
In the interrogation room, Joe Ga pleaded with police to let him go. He explained the man they are really after is Joe Ka, who has been systematically committing crimes and calling out his own name in the process knowing how similar they sound.
"This is all just a setup, the real Joe Ka is..."
Mom: "Help! I'm hurt! Hurry, call me an ambulance!"
Dad: You're an ambulance.
A Man rushed into a Doctor's office shouting ' help me Doctor, I'm shrinking' The Doctor calmly said ' Now settle down a bit '..
.. you'll just have to learn to be a little patient.
An old lady walked into the bank and asked me if I could help her check her balance.
A man bursts into his therapist's office and says, "Doc, you gotta help me. I keep dreaming I'm stuck inside a deck of cards!"
The therapist looked up from his paperwork and said, "I'm busy now. I'll deal with you later."
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