Did you hear about the person who invented the door knocker?
They won the Nobel prize.
Wife says I won’t get 5 upvotes for this, but... Did you hear the one about the dog and the tree?
They had a long conversation about bark.
Edit: Y'all are nuts! We're somewhere north of 10k upvotes now, so I'll direct any remaining attention to Boot Camp for New Dads.
Did you hear about the mermaid who liked math?
Did you hear about the man who lost his whole left side?
Wanna hear a joke about construction?
... im still working on it
Did you hear about the ice cream van that crashed?
The driver blamed it on the rocky road
Did you hear about the pirate who had trouble with the alphabet?
He always got lost at sea!
Did you guys hear about the boat that got stuck in the Suez canal?
Did you hear about the kidnapping at the school?
I think of this whenever I hear the term IV drip
Did you hear about the frog that was double parked outside the club?
He got toad.
It was worth it though...
That club was hopping.
Did you hear about the paddle sale at The Boat Store?
Today I found out that you can actually hear the blood flowing through your veins.
You just have to listen varicosely.
Did you hear about the girl who tried to smuggle drugs in her bra ?
Police said, it led to a bigger bust.
Did you hear about the soldier who was attacked with mustard gas and pepper spray?
He was a seasoned veteran!
Did you hear about the disaster at the department store?
Unfortunately, there were many casual tees.
Did you hear about the new bikini documentary?
Its a two part series that's quite revealing.
Did you hear about the guy who went on a fruit diet? In just 2 days, he became completely obnoxious
Evidently, it is enough to make a Mango crazy
I hear she has really come out of her shell.
Did you hear about the Chef that died?
He pasta way.
We cannoli do so much.
His legacy will become a pizza history.
He sadly ran out of thyme.
Did you hear about the butcher that backed into the meat grinder?
He got a little behind in his work.
Did you hear about the guy who stole a calendar?
Did you hear about the peanut butter factory that exploded?
The Reese’s was in pieces.
Did you hear about the guy who made a fortune investing in apple?
Turns out he was in cider trading
Did you hear about the chameleon who couldn't change colour?
He had a reptile dysfunction.
Did you hear about the St Vincent volcano?
It was a big ash explosion
Did you hear about the farmer that won an award
He was outstanding in his field.
Did you hear that Iron Man and the Silver Surfer are teaming up?
They're going to be alloys.
Did y'all hear that Thanos has been committed to an insane asylum?
Did you hear about the Mexican terrorist...?
Did you hear about the Mexican terrorist who planted a bomb on the train? He had loco motives.
Did you hear about that dumb movie about two light bulbs?
It is called dim and dimmer
Did you hear about the 2 owls?
They're in cahoots with each other.
Did you hear about the constipated accountant?
He couldn’t budget so he worked it out with a pencil
Did you hear about the italian chef that died?
He pasta way. We cannoli do so much. Theres nutelling what can happen next... His legacy will become a pizza history. Here today, gone tomato. I can only espress-so much grief, but lettuce romaine calm. How sad that he ran out of thyme. Ashes to ashes, crust to crust. There's just not mushroom left for italian chefs in this world... Sending olive my prayers to his family. His wife is really upset, cheese still not over it... You never sausage a tragic thing. Its such a shame good people die fusilli reasons. It was a farfalle from grace... My condolences for Roberto, who died in the spaghetto. May he rest in yeast🙏🏻❤️
Wow! Im so glad so many people laughed at this joke, I got so much happy feedback from everyone lol thank u sm for all the rewards and upvotes, my week couldnt get better!😁
Did you hear about the guy who got frozen to absolute zero?
Did you hear about the cow that tried to jump a barbed wire fence?
Did you hear about the guy that went streaking through the church?
They caught him by the organ.
Did you hear that Fedex and UPS were merging?
They’re going to be called FedUps.
Did you hear about the band that got cancelled by PETA for their album art featuring trees made of flesh?
They caught a lot of meatwood flack
did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a soda can?
he was lucky it was a soft drink
Did you hear about the no-armed man who entered the masturbation contest?
Poor guy didn’t come anywhere.
Did you hear unicorns are great at dieting?
Because they only eat uni-corn a day!
Did you hear about the serfs who rebelled against their lord?
Their resistance was feudal.
I only hear what I want to...
Aww man. Did you hear that Johnson and Johnson messed up the their vaccine?
Well at least they took a stab at it.
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl relieve itself?
Want to hear a joke about construction?
Did you hear about the chameleon who couldn't change color?
He had a reptile dysfunction
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