Pork factories keep calling me and I keep hanging up on them.

Nothing but spam.

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kylejay915
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2021
🚨︎ report
I saw a mountain with a lot of cows hanging out on it.

Must've been Mount Heiferest.

πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Iswitt
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
🚨︎ report
My friends and I tried to bypass the quarantine laws by dressing up as crows and hanging out together on top of a telephone wire

Unfortunately, someone called the police on us and we got arrested for attempted murder.

πŸ‘︎ 73
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hpbojoe
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I was hanging on to the cliff face for dear life.

β€œDon’t look down!” said my friend above me.

So I started smiling.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Dad: (Hanging bathroom scale on wall)

Daughter: There's no way you can weigh yourself with it up there

Dad: Weigh myself? Hah! A was scaling the wall!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jonnyprophet
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
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Two hats are hanging on a hat rack. One says to the other: you stay here

I'll go on ahead.

πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tacoenthusiast
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife was hanging 7 pictures in a row on the wall when I told her should should hang 3 over 4.

It’s created a real division in our home.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nftpc
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Mama fly and baby fly were hanging out at the coroner’s office. The coroner was enjoying a sandwich while he performed an autopsy. Baby fly landed on the sandwich as the coroner took a bite. Mama fly jumped into action and hit the man in the eye and baby fly escaped out of his mouth.

. Mama fly looked into baby fly’s eyes and said,

β€œNobody puts baby in a coroner”

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2019
🚨︎ report
My dad walked in on mom with her boobs hanging out.

It was a booby trap.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SmyleKyleSmyle
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a guy with no arms or legs hanging on your wall?

Art.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rasberryjam5151
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call two thin guys hanging on your wall above a window ...

Kurt and Rod

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cwwspurs
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a pretty girl hanging out on a accordion players arm?

A tattoo.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm mortified. I went to my sister's and she had her nudes just hanging on the wall! imgur.com/4kltd4e
πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gandi800
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2018
🚨︎ report
LPT: If you ever go on a date and the person has the banner of the former Soviet Union hanging on their wall...

That's a huge red flag.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maimonides_vii
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2018
🚨︎ report
Hanging on by a thread imgur.com/oYCjTnn
πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/deuceexmachina
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2016
🚨︎ report
While hanging laundry, I accidentally dropped my wife's underwear on the ground

I told her she married a real panty dropper

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/59snomeld
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2017
🚨︎ report
Three hats are hanging on a hatstand.

One hat turns to the others and says, "you two wait here, I'm going on ahead".

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_biggest_lie
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2013
🚨︎ report
What do you get hanging on banana trees?

Sore arms

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mike_from_HR
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2016
🚨︎ report
At my work, they keep hanging up inspirational signs. I dadd on to them.
πŸ‘︎ 161
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bryansway
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2013
🚨︎ report
My GF stopped me from hanging up my cardigan on a hook

GF: If you hang your cardigan like that you might put a hole in it!

ME: It actually already has a couple holes in it.

She starts frantically examining the cardigan for holes.

GF: Where?!

ME: Where my arms go through!

Nothing beats the groan of disapproval after successfully landing a dad joke.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/slothboyck
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2014
🚨︎ report
There was a man outside on a clear day hanging out beneath a screen door

It was his sun-screen

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Siethron
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2014
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the two hats hanging on the wall?

One said to the other "you go on a head, I'll hang right here."

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/misterchef1245
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2014
🚨︎ report
Two hats are hanging on a hat rack.

One says to the other; "You stay here, I'll go on a head"

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Dad: (Hanging bathroom scale on wall)

Daughter: There's no way you can weigh yourself with it up there

Dad: Weigh myself? Hah! A was scaling the wall!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jonnyprophet
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Two hats are hanging on a rack in the hallway,

One hat says to the other, "you wait here, I'll go on a head."

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ambidextrousone
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2019
🚨︎ report

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