We have a minifridge we stocked with beer for the party, and I put a sign on the fridge that says "BOO-ze"
My roommate just shook his head and walked away.
Because they have no soles.
This means all the cobwebs and dust in my home just became Halloween decorations.
I told him she was decorating for Halloween, and they both just gave me a flat look. Then with a grin on my face I simply said bamBOO!! Much to my wife’s dismay my 6 year old has been repeating it for the last 20 minutes.
Why couldn’t the witch have children? Her husband had a hallow weenie.
Which ghost is the best dancer? The Boogie Man!
Friend: What are you gonna be for halloween? Me: Drunk!
For Halloween I’m going to write “Life” on a plain white T-shirt and hand out lemons to strangers
This Halloween, the only Candy I’m interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues
“Halloween” = an excuse for girls to dress up like sluts.
Thank goodness for Halloween, all of a sudden, cobwebs in my house are decorations!
I’ll be your trick if you’ll be my treat.
How do Rednecks celebrate Halloween? Pump kin!
When do ghouls and goblins cook their victims? On Fry Day
What’s a monsters favorite desert? I-Scream!
What do you call a Halloween boner? Petrified wood
What do you call a dancing ghost? Polka-haunt-us
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow-weenie!”
Did you hear about the wild party at the haunted house? The whole vibe was anything ghost (goes).
How do you write a book about halloween? With a ghostwriter.
I’m going to celebrate Halloween the same way I always do… by murdering a bunch of teens by the lake. Sincerely,
Two monsters went to a Halloween party. Suddenly one said to the other, “A lady just rolled her eyes at me. What should I do?” The other monster replied, “Be a gentleman and roll them back to her.
The lesson of Halloween is that pretending to be something you’re not will lead to a sweet reward.
I remember when Halloween was the scariest night of the year. Now, it’s Election night.
I want to be something really scary for Halloween this year so I’m dressing up as a phone battery at 2%.
Why dident the skeleten go to the halloween party? Becuse he had no body to go with.
What did the bird say on Halloween? Trick or tweet!
What do Italian’s eat on Halloween? Fettucinni Afraid-o (Ha ha ha)
Why can’t the boy ghost have babies? A. Because he has a Hallo-weenie.
What do goblins and ghosts drink when they’re hot and thirsty on Halloween? A. Ghoul-aid!!!
What do ghosts eat for supper? Spooketi
What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house? Hope it’s Halloween!!
What is the most important subject a witch learns in school? Spelling.
I secretly want to buy one of these and fill it up with ice for halloween. So when the kids come up and ask "what's this?" I can say "It's Batman handing out Just-Ice"
Every year my girlfriend's family and my family try to celebrate Christmas on different days, so my Christmas-crazy-starts-decorating-for-Christmas-before-I've-taken-my-Halloween-costume-off girlfriend has been bugging me about what day my family is celebrating for a few weeks. The other day we had a conversation that went like this:
SO: "So when's Christmas?"
Me: "[SO], Christmas is the same day every year, December 25th"
Apparently I'm not funny, but today I was on the phone with my awesome mom and my girlfriend was bugging me to ask her what day we were celebrating, so I ask.
Me: "[SO] wants to know what day Christmas is"
Mom: "Well, you should tell [SO] that Christmas is the same day as every other year, December 25th!"
I repeated it to her and she sobbed silently while my mother and I laughed our asses off for the next ten minutes.
Mom has left her bag of orange flowers on the floor that she used to decorate the house for fall/Halloween.
dad sees said bag, not knowing its contents
"Hey honey what's in that bag on the floor?"
"Oh just my floral stuff."
My wife and I were outside cleaning up the rest of our halloween decorations. I was walking to the garbage with a decorative hay bale.
wife: "Hay" where are you going with that?
Me: I've had enough of your lame jokes. This was the last "straw"
Two and a half years practicing as a father....
Not a dad, but this is in line with it all.
It was a party around Halloween-time, but not specifically a Halloween party. Things were wrapping up, people were heading out and my roommates were saying goodbye.
They were doing some goofy ass handshake, bumping fists, slapping, all that dumb shit.
While they're wasting time, I look on the table and see various Halloween decorations, including body parts made out of Jell-O. They're slightly jiggling, as all Jell-O molds seem to do.
I quietly mumble "Hehe... handshake."
The host of the party looks at me and says "Are you making fun of our hand shake?"
Without saying anything else, I reach over to the table, pick up the plate the Jell-O zombie hand is on, hold it close to his face, wiggle it back and forth and repeat "Hand shake".
He grabs me by the back of my shirt and drags me out of the apartment. I thought it was funny.
they had the spider web halloween decorations up and my dad said: you should really clean up in here, there's spider webs everywhere.
So while my dad was getting the mail he noticed the neighbor's Halloween decorations on their mailbox. The neighbors had strung these little plastic skeletons on top of it. Upon coming inside he said,
"The neighbors have these little human skeletons on their mailbox. Do you think we should put a mouse skeleton from the attic on ours?"
Happy Halloween.
