If you play guitar and want to know the secret to making it sound better...
I bought my 10 year old son an acoustic guitar yesterday and he has mastered 3 chords already.
So now the full Oasis songbook is covered he's moved on to a new one.
When I was a kid, I wanted to play the guitar really badly.
And after years of hard work, practice and dedication, I can now play the guitar really badly.
This bloke said to me: ‘I’m going to attack you with the neck of a guitar.’
I said: ‘Is that a fret?'
U2’s first few albums have been remastered without the guitars on them.
It certainly takes the Edge off them.
A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. Judge asks her. "First offender?"
She says, "No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender!"
What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?
One of my friends played guitar while drunk…
Then he got in a Fender bender.
I used to play guitar by ear...
Why are guitars always so sad?
Because they’re always getting picked on
A man with a guitar walked up to me and said that he had a case of writers block.
What do you call a guitar that is always sticky?
Someone said they would bash me with the neck of their guitar
I'm building my own guitar, but every time I look at the wood I've bought for it, I get overwhelmed by anxiety about how it will turn out.
I shouldn't have started with the fretboard.
My friend was worried about hitting all the bars on his guitar neck at his recital...
After playing guitar for years I thought I could learn to play the piano.
But it's not an easy instrument to pick up.
I keep forgetting the guitar tabs to that one Sublime song...
I guess you could say I dont practice Santeria.
What kind of cheese is really good at guitar?
What is the difference between a guitar , a Tuna and a pot of glue?
You can tun(a) guitar but cannot guitar a tuna
Did you hear about the crook who was stealing guitars from classic rock stars?
He was just arrested for Petty theft.
What did Prince leave on the neck of his guitar?
No matter where I go, I like to bring my ukulele, then, whenever someone asks if I play an instrument, I say...
“I play a little guitar!"
Egyptians claimed to have invented the guitar,
But they were such lyres.
Just got lowballed. $5 for my guitar. Best way to respond?
I have had a very strange day.
First I find a hat full of money then I get chased by an angry dude with a guitar.
This is my best pick-up line
What happened when the guitars got in a fight?
Why can't guitars have fun with friends with benefits?
Because without strings attached they just can't play!
What did the upright bass say to the nervous guitar?
“You’re too high strung, don’t fret.”
Why can't Woody play his guitar?
He doesn't know where his Pixar.
Help me out: need some rockstar/music themed food puns for my 3 year old’s birthday party!
Having a small party for my guitar and music obsessed soon-to-be 3 year old. Wanted to put some signs next to the food to make it more on-theme. We’ll be serving:
Chicken nuggets
PB&Js (in the shape of guitars)
Veggie tray
Fruit tray
Water & juice
I’m struggling to think of stuff. So far I only have
Nirvana Nuggets (which I realize isn’t even a pun) and PB&J Richie Samboraches. Lame, I know 😂 Help me out if you can think of any more!
My friend used to clean house for a famous singer-guitar player, til he died in 2016. She then became a police investigator...
She dusted for Prince now she's dusting for prints.
Was in a bar when this guy said to me, “I’m going to attack you with the neck of a guitar!” I shot back...
What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?
A woman is on trial for beating her significant other with a guitar. “First offender?” the judge asked.
“No” she replied. “First a Gibson , then a Fender”
A woman was on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection
the judge says: "First offender" The woman replies: "No, first a Gibson, the a Fender"
A bloke came up to me and said im going to attack you with the neck of my guitar.
I said to him is that a Fret!
A woman is on trial for beating up a unfaithful rockstar husband with his guitar collection
The judge asked her, “first offender”
“No,” she says “first a Gibson then a Fender
Some guy just said he was going to attack me with the neck of a guitar.
I said, “Is that a fret?”
After playing guitar for years I thought I could learn to play the piano.
But it's not an easy instrument to pick up.
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