Ape's Guide to Options, Part 1

Hello Apes! My wrinkle brain friends u/zinko83, u/MauerAstronaut, u/Lennixus, u/criand and several others have recently written some excellent DD's and posts on recent developments in wrinkle-brain GME theory, namely these excellent posts on volatility swaps, options hedging using variance swaps, as well as u/Leenixus' excellent Dick-Dick today

If you haven't seen these, please take a moment and go read these DD's that explain how shorts continue to mess with our favorite company and how we can predict price action within some degree of accuracy. To sum it up quickly, here's a quick quote from u/zinko83's post on variance:

> Hedge funds sell variance making them short, which in turn requires them to hold a portfolio of long OTM options to hedge the short swap. This should be making lightbulbs turn on, if it doesn’t go check Citadel Advisors, Susquehanna, Simplex holdings and see they hold not only puts but calls come back and stare at the replicating above, it will click eventually.

And from u/mauerastronaut’s post on variance swaps:

> GME options chain is indicative of the β€œReplicating Portfolio” used to hedge short variance exposure. This portfolio involves long puts and calls, short forwards and a rather small position in shares. Assuming open naked shorts on GME, willing counterparties for short forwards would be market makers or prime brokers trying to get around close-outs through deemed-to-own clauses. Short variance exposure can explain many events that happened this year around the stock, but not correlations to other tickers. We believe it to be a major driver of GME’s stock price. It is suspicious that the options chain looks like this in such an obvious way, since doing a complete hedge usually burns the premiums collected, and also is sending very clear signals which investment firms usually try to circumvent.

> Whales bet that banana wouldn’t go up and down a lot, but it did. Open banana options suggest this, and maybe help explain where fake bananas came from. Banana value moves because whales are trying to not get fukd. Whales normally are not that obvious, which tells us something. The question is what.

In light of this new

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Digitlnoize
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2021
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My Vulvodynia Story (2+ years of itchiness)

Sharing my story in hopes of hearing of anybody with similar experiences.

I’m a 21 yo female. In August of 2019, I began to experience intense itching. I wrote it off as a yeast infection and used an over-the-counter treatment. The itching died down, but when I went to the doctor for another health issue, I asked to be swabbed for yeast just to be sure. The yeast test came back negative. A couple weeks later, the itching returned. I went to a doctor and was swabbed for yeast again. This time, I was prescribed a topical ointment and diagnosed with a yeast infection. After using the ointment for months with no relief, I returned to the doctor. This time, I was diagnosed with warts/sore, which was odd to me, as I’d only had one partner, who’d I’d dated exclusively since a young age. I had also never had penetrative sex. I questioned the doctor, but began to use the prescribed imiquimod ointment. I wanted a second opinion, so I visited another doctor and was told that there were no warts/sores/STDs and that I most likely had lichen sclerosis. I was prescribed a topical ointment and referred to a gyno, who determined I had lichen simplex and kept me on the topical ointment. It’s December 2019 at this point. Fast forward four months and the itching is just as bad as ever. I return got the gyno who does a vulvar biopsy (worst experience ever) to rule out STDs and other things. The results come back perfectly normal except for polyploidys, and no lichen simplex, lichen sclerosis, STDs, cancer, etc. is found. Gyno decided a to meet me on topical tacrolimus ointment. The itching somewhat improves but is still present. Fast forward to December 2020, and I visit a dermatologist for an unrelated issue and decide to tell her about the itching, thinking that it may be a skin condition. She checks me out, swabs for yeast, does blood tests for diabetes, and finds everything to be normal. She then refers me to a specialist with a minimally invasive gynecology surgery clinic. After seeing a team of two physicians, they determine I have vulvodynia and begin to treat me with duloxetine, I see some improvement, though minimal, and they progressively increase my dosage to 90mg. After seeing little improvement, they add gabapentin to the mix and gradually increase my dosage there as well. At this point I take 60mg duloxetine and 600mg gabepentin. Still no improvement, in fact it got the worst its ever been, and they decide to phase out the gabepentin and introduce 10mg nortript

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2021
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Blind Girl Here. Give Me Your Best Blind Jokes!

Do your worst!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Leckzsluthor
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2022
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What starts with a W and ends with a T

It really does, I swear!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PsychedeIic_Sheep
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2022
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Dropped my best ever dad joke & no one was around to hear it

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies πŸ˜‚

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vegetable-Acadia
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2022
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What is a a bisexual person doing when they’re not dating anybody?

They’re on standbi

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Toby-the-Cactus
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2022
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What do you call quesadillas you eat in the morning?

Buenosdillas

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FarronKeepSucks
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2022
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Geddit? No? Only me?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shampy311
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2021
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I wanna hear your best airplane puns.

Pilot on me!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Paulie_Felice
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2022
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E or ß?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Amazekam
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2022
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No spoilers
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Onfour
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2022
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Covid problems
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theincrediblebou
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2022
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These aren't dad jokes...

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lance986
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2021
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I had a vasectomy because I didn’t want any kids.

When I got home, they were still there.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/demotrek
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2022
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What did 0 say to 8 ?

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

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πŸ‘€︎ u/designjeevan
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2022
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Spi__
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fast_Echidna_8520
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2022
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I dislike karma whores who make posts that imply it's their cake day, simply for upvotes.

I won't be doing that today!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/djcarves
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2021
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The Ancient Romans II
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mordrathe
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2021
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How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in your frying pan?

You take away their little brooms

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Majorpain2006
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2022
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I did it, I finally did it. After 4 years and 92 days I went from being a father, to a dad.

This morning, my 4 year old daughter.

Daughter: I'm hungry

Me: nerves building, smile widening

Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.

She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.

Thank you all for listening.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sk2ec
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2022
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School Was Clothed
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kennydoe
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2022
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This subreddit is 10 years old now.

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/frexyincdude
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2022
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Couch potato
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2021
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Baka!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ridi86
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2022
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Letting loose with these puns
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concrete πŸ—Ώ
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fast_Echidna_8520
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2022
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All dad jokes are bad and here’s why

Why

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LordCinko
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2022
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My name is ABCDEFGHIJKMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ

It’s pronounced β€œNoel.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/beef_fried_rice
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2021
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Why are people so surprised and angry about Djokovic being an anti-vaxxer?

After all his first name is No-vac

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hangryman23
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2022
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That’s Michelle
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FLEXSEALBREAKER
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2022
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If Korean pop is shortened to Kpop and Korean Drama is Kdrama...

What, then, is Chinese rap?

Edit:

Notable mentions from the comments:

  • Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits

  • French/Finnish art

  • Country/Canadian rap

  • Chinese/Country/Canadian rock

  • Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hootanahalf
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2022
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I'd like to dedicate this joke to my wisdom teeth.

[Removed]

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThoughtPumP
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2022
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Is this sub still active?

There hasn't been a single post this year!

(Happy 2022 from New Zealand)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DonStimpo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2021
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What did the ocean say to the beach?

Nothing, it just waved

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hackerboi1198
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2022
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is Isn't
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mordrathe
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2022
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@u/mordrathe - remix
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SpydrRydr
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2022
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What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a hot tub?

Bob

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πŸ‘€︎ u/4fuchssake
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2022
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I named my dog "5 miles."

So that I could frequently say, "I am going to walk 5 miles now."

Edit: My most popular post on Reddit! πŸ˜€ Thank you for the awards.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/javacafe
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2022
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My WIFI password is 2444666668888888

Just to clarify, 12345678

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πŸ‘€︎ u/az1m_
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2022
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Possibly the greatest Snap Reaction dad joke I've ever told (it even got me a POWERFUL groan and vehement FU from my wife)

Me grabbing a soda from my (what I thought was) half full 12pk...

Notices there's only 2;

Me: "Awe man... This is a damn bird box!" Her: "What the hell does that mean?!" Me: (Pulls both cans out & shows them to her) "It's only got Toucans."

I'm not ashamed to admit the look on her face was glorious.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AKhakiNerfHerder
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2022
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I can't believe I was arrested for impersonating a politician...

I was just sitting there doing nothing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ENJOYblet
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2022
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The two genders
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShrimpRex
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2021
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Guns
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PlayYo-KaiWatch21
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2022
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If β€œwomb” is pronounced β€œwoom” and β€œtomb” is pronounced β€œtoom” then shouldn’t β€œbomb” be pronounced…

β€œBOOM”?!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FourBloodMoons
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2021
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i Karenough to
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Amazekam
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2022
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I like my coffee how I like my slaves

free

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zRepulse
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2021
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A little boy came running up to me and said, "Please help, my dad is in a fight!" I followed him and came across two men fighting, so I asked him, "Which one's your dad?!" He replied, "I don't know."

"That's what they're fighting about."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/808gecko808
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2022
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Why did Novak Djokovic pay for his flight to Australia with a Mastercard?

Because his Visa didn’t work.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tttestm
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2022
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It this sub dead?

There hasn't been a post all year!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheTreelo
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2022
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