Me and my recliner go way back
they are a load of bologna.
http://i.imgur.com/XW3DKEr.jpg
The depressed programmer says "goodbye world"
Sorry
He commented on a picture of himself on facebook.
http://i.imgur.com/35SRcoY.png
Back home yesterday preparing the supper.
Dad pumps a fake shotgun, pulls a fake trigger whilst farting. But the fart was more of a quiet "pfft" so he says, "oh, had the silencer on."
At least that's what she said in her diary.
The mean increases.
Me: I just found it, and it's great. Now everything you say will be my fodder.
Dad: I'm already your fodder. And over there, [pointing to my mom] that's your mudder.
I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.
Me: You just have to go to settings!
Dad: This is just making me upsettings!
On the spot no hesitation! Gotta love him!
This happened a couple months ago, over the summer.
My family was sitting together for dinner, and part of our meal consisted of spring rolls. My little cousin was taking too long to eat, pushing food around her plate, so my dad turns to her and says "you better finish those spring rolls before fall comes."
And then he looked around at everyone with a huge grin to see who was laughing. Oh dad, gotta love you.
I was driving around with my Grandfather yesterday. As we passed a cemetery he says, "People are dying to get in there, you know". I couldn't help but bust out laughing. I'm 29 years old...Gotta love Grandpas
We love Knock knock jokes at dinner. My wife's favorite was Knock knock, who's there, butter, butter who? Butter let me in I gotta poop! The day finally came for my 5 year old daughter to tell it and this was her rendition... Knock knock, who's there, Butter, butter who? Butter me up, I gotta poop!!!
So I ask him, "How many more are there to catch?"
He says, "Oh, about 6.02 times 10 to the 23rd."
Gotta love engineers!
We were watching the newest Hunger Games movie a couple of weekends ago. Throughout the film she was (very quietly) whispering interesting things that were in the books but not the film.
Mild Spoilers
There is a certain part where a character goes back for a cat.
End Mild Spoilers
She leans over and I think she was going to tell me another interesting things about the scene. She whispered a little louder than the other times, "You've gotta be kitten me right meow!"
You could hear the slight chuckle from the people in front of us and I had to stifle my laughter. I probably shouldn't find it that funny, but I love good timing and a corny joke.
My dad saw me about to make some chicken noodle soup. Knowing I wasn't feeling well he offered to make it for me instead. I accepted his offer and sat down on the couch. Once it was done, my dad hands me a bowl of the hot soup and extends a spoon towards me. I look at the spoon but notice as I'm about to grab it, it's one of those strainer spoons, the big ones with the holes in it. I give him a dumbfounded look, and he proceeds to bust out laughing as he takes a normal spoon out from behind his back, hands it to me, and walks back to the kitchen chuckling to himself the whole way. Gotta love that guy.
After dinner the owner of the restaurant at which we were eating came up to the table and asked how we found the service. My dad didn't hesitate before answering "I dunno, they just kinda came up to the table" with the doofiest smile on his face. Gotta love him.
"Hey, Thirsty! I'm Friday, let's meet up on Saturday for a sunday!"
Then I would say "no, dad! I am really thirsty!"
"And I am really Friday! And I'm serious about those sunday's on Saturday..."
Gotta love dads.
