My socially anxious friend just got a PhD in palindrome studies.

I call him Dr. Awkward

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/moc_gordy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2021
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The cast of β€œFriends” got stuck at sea in a boat, but thankfully nothing happened.

Because Lisa Kudrow.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2021
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Yesterday, my friend and I got into an argument over which vowel was the best

I won.

πŸ‘︎ 129
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πŸ‘€︎ u/spwf
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2021
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My friend got a job repairing ladders

He's working his way to the top...

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Altar-83
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2021
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I got a girlfriend by pretending that I play football. My friends don't think it's going to last but I don't worry.

She thinks that I'm a keeper.

πŸ‘︎ 104
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πŸ‘€︎ u/elasmotheriums
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2021
🚨︎ report
I’ve got a friend who’s half Indian.

Ian.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RayInRed
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2021
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I asked my friend to stop making Harry Potter puns and she got really mad

'Siriusly?' she said, 'what is Ron with you?'

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Irishblackfish
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2021
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"Have you got something to drink friend?"

"Water."

"Something harder!!"

"Ice"

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2021
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My friend got promoted to supervisor at his job...

I think he'll manage...

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vin135mm
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2021
🚨︎ report
"I caught two men in balaclavas breaking into my house last night," said my friend. "But they got away sadly."

"How do you know they were sad if they were wearing balaclavas?" I asked.

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/incredibleinkpen
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2021
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My lazy friend got a job at a stable...

Now he can REALLY horse around.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2021
🚨︎ report
Locksmith friend of mine just retired, said he never once got rained out.

It seems that all of his work was in doors.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WaynePrndl
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2021
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I've got a friend who is both a Dwarf and a Rabbi.

I know what you're thinking 'thats a little unorthodox'.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WhoElseButAlf
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2021
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My friend got a role as an extra in a film. His job was to approach the lead actor and comb her hair away from the middle of her head...

It was a bit part.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2021
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My friend got fired from his job at the dairy farm because of his erratic behaviour.

He was a danger to himself and udders.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2021
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A high school girl was on her way home from a party, got knockout drunk, and shat on herself and all over her friends.

She was a real party pooper

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ironninjapi
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2021
🚨︎ report
When I was first learning Photoshop I got a bit creative. I could hear my friends roll their eyes.
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Germerican1
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2021
🚨︎ report
The Cuban main violinist's string snapped during a performance. Luckily, he got offered another violin by his American friend.

That day, another Fiddle Catastrophe was prevented.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_CockLord
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2021
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I’ve got a friend that fell in love with two school bags

He’s bi satchel

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Reallewbag92ttv
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2021
🚨︎ report
So I’m at dinner with the fam, telling the joke about what the kid with no arms got for Christmas (we still don’t know because he hasn’t opened them yet)...I set it up...a friend of mine at work has a kid...no arms...and deliver the punchline...

And my 10 year old son, completely deadpan, tells me

β€˜Dad, I knew that story wasn’t real because you don’t have any friends’

πŸ‘»πŸ‘»πŸ’€πŸ’€β˜ οΈβ˜ οΈ It took me a solid 5 minutes to stop laughing.

I have achieved Dad level 10 at raising my kids

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/themeatspin
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
Earlier my friend used to play Badminton but then he got some training. Now he plays Goodminton.
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OriginalHybrid127
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend got fired at the fizzy drinks factory today.

He was soda pressed.

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Exit202
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend got a job in Seoul

Yeah, he's very Korea Oriented.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dwijaha
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2021
🚨︎ report
What puns can I tell when I want to tell my friends I got a boyfriend?
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/reginanine
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend got me an action figure of a birdman with an abacus for Christmas

I didn’t really want it but it’s the Thoth that counts

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
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My friend asked me if I had got a haircut

I said no, since I got a bunch of hairs cut

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jaxerfp
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
🚨︎ report
I’ve got a friend who is an electrician and a part-time detective

We call him Sherlock Ohms.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Guineaa
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
🚨︎ report
A man had a fetish for touching and hearing, one day his friend got mad and slapped and yelled at the man

He ended up coming to his senses

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JK-AJ27
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I've got a friend who reckons he can make high cuisine out of stock cubes.

What an Oxo moron

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lukeurmyson
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I had a friend who got paid by the letter to write a phonics manual

To make a little extra cash he wrote a rhotic r on the side

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_Westerfield
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend recently got crushed by a pile of books.

I told him that he's only got his shelf to blame.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/motorwayman
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend got sentenced to the guillotine

He couldn't face death head on

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/endommagejosue
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend got pulled over and the cop drew his gun on him!

Luckily the ink washed off after a couple days

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/No_Gray_Area
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
🚨︎ report
I got lost while driving my suicidal friend to the hospital.

I should have seen the signs.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jpep0469
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I once got into a bar fight with the number 1. His friends 3, 5, 7, and 9 showed up to help him.

The odds were against me.

πŸ‘︎ 164
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nnishanth
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
🚨︎ report
My German friend Hans got so drunk on American light beer we had to carry him to the truck to go home...

We had to hold Hans.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
🚨︎ report
A man named six gave his friends three and five some chocolate bars. Three got 7 chocolate bars and five got eight of them. Three was upset he had less than five did, and five was sad that his friend was sad, so he asked six if three could have another chocolate bar.

He gave one to three for five

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GayMadMan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
A friend of mine got into photographing salmon in different clothing.

He said he liked shooting fish in apparel.

πŸ‘︎ 110
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πŸ‘€︎ u/unic0rnism
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I've got this friend in Japan. Her name's Kim.

So Kim runs an undergarment and such clothing store, and I recently ordered myself some pyjamas. I fortunately she got the orders mixed up and sent me some type of dressing gown instead. All I could say was Kim,oh-no!

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SnekLord666
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife says she’s got a friend that only eats vegetables.

Not sure if it’s true, I haven’t met herbivore.

πŸ‘︎ 65
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bradb717
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend just got a job as a elevator repair technician

they're really moving up in the company.

πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend got married so I wrote her a poem regarding what she meant to me...

I ode her that much.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend got a job with a trucking company hauling beehives cross country.

Guess that makes him a U.S. bee driver.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/emjay144
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend recently confessed to me that he got his third nipple surgically removed.

He really needed to get that off his chest.

πŸ‘︎ 128
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
🚨︎ report
My dad just told me this one: Two WiFi engineer friends of mine just got married.

The wedding was ok, but the reception was fantastic!

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StefanE30325i
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2020
🚨︎ report
A friend of my mine got sacked from his job, he asked Smoking or Non-Smoking

He should have asked Burial or Cremation

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheFishmanau
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend and I went fishing. He cast out first and got a bite. So he reeled in a trumpet. Then he cast out in a different area, got a bite and reeled in a clarinet.

After he cast out the third time, I said "maybe you'll reel in a bass soon!"

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
🚨︎ report
The Cuban main violinist's string snapped during a performance. Luckily, he got offered another violin by his American friend.

That day, another Fiddle Catastrophe was prevented.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_CockLord
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2021
🚨︎ report
My friend just got a PhD on the history of palindromes. Now we call him Dr Awkward.
πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mefingers
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2019
🚨︎ report

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