My socially anxious friend just got a PhD in palindrome studies.
The cast of “Friends” got stuck at sea in a boat, but thankfully nothing happened.
Yesterday, my friend and I got into an argument over which vowel was the best
My friend got a job repairing ladders
He's working his way to the top...
I got a girlfriend by pretending that I play football. My friends don't think it's going to last but I don't worry.
She thinks that I'm a keeper.
I’ve got a friend who’s half Indian.
I asked my friend to stop making Harry Potter puns and she got really mad
'Siriusly?' she said, 'what is Ron with you?'
"Have you got something to drink friend?"
"Water."
"Something harder!!"
"Ice"
My friend got promoted to supervisor at his job...
"I caught two men in balaclavas breaking into my house last night," said my friend. "But they got away sadly."
"How do you know they were sad if they were wearing balaclavas?" I asked.
My lazy friend got a job at a stable...
Now he can REALLY horse around.
Locksmith friend of mine just retired, said he never once got rained out.
It seems that all of his work was in doors.
I've got a friend who is both a Dwarf and a Rabbi.
I know what you're thinking 'thats a little unorthodox'.
My friend got a role as an extra in a film. His job was to approach the lead actor and comb her hair away from the middle of her head...
My friend got fired from his job at the dairy farm because of his erratic behaviour.
He was a danger to himself and udders.
A high school girl was on her way home from a party, got knockout drunk, and shat on herself and all over her friends.
She was a real party pooper
When I was first learning Photoshop I got a bit creative. I could hear my friends roll their eyes.
The Cuban main violinist's string snapped during a performance. Luckily, he got offered another violin by his American friend.
That day, another Fiddle Catastrophe was prevented.
I’ve got a friend that fell in love with two school bags
So I’m at dinner with the fam, telling the joke about what the kid with no arms got for Christmas (we still don’t know because he hasn’t opened them yet)...I set it up...a friend of mine at work has a kid...no arms...and deliver the punchline...
And my 10 year old son, completely deadpan, tells me
‘Dad, I knew that story wasn’t real because you don’t have any friends’
👻👻💀💀☠️☠️ It took me a solid 5 minutes to stop laughing.
I have achieved Dad level 10 at raising my kids
Earlier my friend used to play Badminton but then he got some training. Now he plays Goodminton.
My friend got fired at the fizzy drinks factory today.
My friend got a job in Seoul
Yeah, he's very Korea Oriented.
What puns can I tell when I want to tell my friends I got a boyfriend?
My friend got me an action figure of a birdman with an abacus for Christmas
I didn’t really want it but it’s the Thoth that counts
My friend asked me if I had got a haircut
I said no, since I got a bunch of hairs cut
I’ve got a friend who is an electrician and a part-time detective
We call him Sherlock Ohms.
A man had a fetish for touching and hearing, one day his friend got mad and slapped and yelled at the man
He ended up coming to his senses
I've got a friend who reckons he can make high cuisine out of stock cubes.
I had a friend who got paid by the letter to write a phonics manual
To make a little extra cash he wrote a rhotic r on the side
My friend recently got crushed by a pile of books.
I told him that he's only got his shelf to blame.
My friend got sentenced to the guillotine
He couldn't face death head on
My friend got pulled over and the cop drew his gun on him!
Luckily the ink washed off after a couple days
I got lost while driving my suicidal friend to the hospital.
I should have seen the signs.
I once got into a bar fight with the number 1. His friends 3, 5, 7, and 9 showed up to help him.
The odds were against me.
My German friend Hans got so drunk on American light beer we had to carry him to the truck to go home...
A man named six gave his friends three and five some chocolate bars. Three got 7 chocolate bars and five got eight of them. Three was upset he had less than five did, and five was sad that his friend was sad, so he asked six if three could have another chocolate bar.
He gave one to three for five
A friend of mine got into photographing salmon in different clothing.
He said he liked shooting fish in apparel.
I've got this friend in Japan. Her name's Kim.
So Kim runs an undergarment and such clothing store, and I recently ordered myself some pyjamas. I fortunately she got the orders mixed up and sent me some type of dressing gown instead. All I could say was Kim,oh-no!
My wife says she’s got a friend that only eats vegetables.
Not sure if it’s true, I haven’t met herbivore.
My friend just got a job as a elevator repair technician
they're really moving up in the company.
My friend got married so I wrote her a poem regarding what she meant to me...
My friend got a job with a trucking company hauling beehives cross country.
Guess that makes him a U.S. bee driver.
My friend recently confessed to me that he got his third nipple surgically removed.
He really needed to get that off his chest.
My dad just told me this one: Two WiFi engineer friends of mine just got married.
The wedding was ok, but the reception was fantastic!
A friend of my mine got sacked from his job, he asked Smoking or Non-Smoking
He should have asked Burial or Cremation
My friend and I went fishing. He cast out first and got a bite. So he reeled in a trumpet. Then he cast out in a different area, got a bite and reeled in a clarinet.
After he cast out the third time, I said "maybe you'll reel in a bass soon!"
The Cuban main violinist's string snapped during a performance. Luckily, he got offered another violin by his American friend.
That day, another Fiddle Catastrophe was prevented.
My friend just got a PhD on the history of palindromes. Now we call him Dr Awkward.
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