“Trump’s Not Down For the Count”
They're good dunkers, but every now and then they fall apart
...is that nobody points the finger at you.
The bad news is: theres no good news.
Fans of the psychic say that they are looking forward to seeing a large medium in smalls.
Patient: Good news please. Doctor: we're naming a disease after you.
They are great at breaking the ice
The good news is that your other leg is all better."
The bad news is .... it's Howard Hughes.
...yeah, I went back for seconds.
Now I’m just dating myself
Friend: Congratulations! Do you know the sex?
Me: Of course I know “the sex”. How else will she get pregnant?
I must be tired.
The would-be mentor insisted on going to a seafood restaurant and then he ordered his favorite meal for the both of them. When the hard working, fresh-out-of-journalism-school grad asked the veteran newshound how he always managed to get witty phrases from the Prime Ministers and Presidents he interviewed, a sly smile swam across his face.
Intrigued, she watched intently while he reached for his wallet then removed a €5 note. Holding it toward her face over the table, she was surprised when the greying beat writer dropped the money directly on her uneaten dinner and held an index finger to his closed lips.
As they both looked down at the seafood platter, his paper Euro was suddenly sucked under the rings of fried calamari until it disappeared from sight. After what sounded like a stand-up comedian clearing his throat, a male voice with an Eastern European accent clearly rose out of her food. It said, "Trump asked for dirt on Biden so I sent him some good Ukrainian topsoil."
As the gobsmacked gal with mouth agape slowly raised her eyes to her grinning dinner guest's face, he shrugged his shoulders and said, "squid pro quote".
Required Explanation: "squid pro quote" is a play on words for the saying "quid pro quo", a Latin phrase meaning "something for something". In the news at the time of this posting a tremendous amount of discussion is being circulated about whether or not US president Trump dangled a quid pro quo offer in front of Ukraine's newly elected president, Volodymyr Zelensky. The deal had nothing to do with seafood however, so that was just a red herring. It should also be noted that Mr. Zelensky, before diving into politics, was a stand-up comedian.
I went to the doctor. He says, “I have some good news and some bad news. Which would you like first?”
I thought about it and said, “the good news?”
He says, “they’re naming a disease after you.”
"So, do you have to work on Labor Day this year?"
"No, we both have off."
"Did you hear they're changing it next year?"
"What?"
"Yeah, they're moving it to April."
Looks of confusion
"At least that's what my doctor said."
The dawning of comprehension on their faces, then big smiles and hugs!
..... Btw, I am a woman. I didn't specify in the post, but the context clue would be "MY doctor." I was just raised on sarcasm and corny jokes.
"But I'll have to tell that to your widow."
He's treated much worse cases of inferiority complex than mine!
“Ribbit.”
“Hey bud.”
Bad News: You have one ear to live.
It will grow on you.
Dad: "False."
It's my way, or the Huawei
‘It was alt-right’
It is part of a complete breakfast
Legs ‘n dairy
Patient: Good news please. Doctor: we're naming a disease after you.
Patient: Good news please. Doctor: we're naming a disease after you.
The good news is there’s no bad news, the bad news is there’s no good news.
The good news is there is no bad news.
The bad news is there is no good news.
Me: Bad news first.
Doc: You have an inoperable brain tumor.
Me: And the good news.
Doc: It’s all in your head.
Patient: Tell me the bad news first!
Doctor: Sure. The bad news is that there is no good news.
Patient: Well? What is the good news then?
Doctor: That there is no bad news either.
