Even the baby was impressed.
Tobey or not tobey, that is the question.
It's nighttime.
Dad: Do you want the Good or the bad news first?
Kid: the Bad news...
Dad: Arlight...There is no Good news.
Kid: And the Good news?!?!
Dad: "silence"
(I know it's lame, but when it works it works)
Itβs 5050.
RAH RAH RAH AH AH AH RO MA RO MA MA GAGA OH LA LA!!!
Patient: Good news please. Doctor: we're naming a disease after you.
The good news is there's no bad news. The bad news is there's no good news.
Timing (said immediately after the end of the question)
When it's Punishmint!
Rah, rah-ah-ah-ah Roma, roma-ma Gaga, ooh-la-la
The good news is that I no longer hear any voices. And the bad news is that my girl friend left me. But weirdly though, she left a mannequin in my bed.
About three weeks!
Getting stoned.
But the bad news is I was just diagnosed with short term memory loss.
He had a bounty on him.
Stick your chest out
When I stepped on it this morning, it said "LOW".
...is shocking.
It flows.
The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident in the Bay Of Fundy, Nova Scotia, a man answered his door to find two grim-faced Mounties.
βWe know it's late, sir, but we have some information about your wife," said one of the Mounties.
"Tell me! Did you find her!?" the husband shouted.
The Mounties looked at each other. One said,
"We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news.. Which do you want to hear first?"
Fearing the worst, the ashen husband said "Give me the bad news first."
The second Mountie said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in the bay." "Oh my God!" exclaimed the husband. Swallowing hard, he asked, "What's the good news?"
The Mountie continued, "When we pulled her up, she had 6 twenty-five pound snow crabs and 12 good-size lobsters clinging to her."
Stunned, the husband demanded, "If that's the good news, what's the great news???"
The Mountie answered, "We're gonna pull her up again tomorrow."
Weβve been in a bad joke email war for some time now. Itβs been so long, I donβt remember how it started. It may have happened when I moved out after staying with him and my mom for a while.
Long story short: Iβve got a lot of dad jokes to share with yβall, because we are constantly sending βdad jokesβ to each other. And I have hundreds of jokes that are LITERALLY from my dad.
All the best jokes? They are headed your way!
Hereβs some to get you started. I am copying and pasting them exactly as he writes in the email so you can get the full βdadβ effect. Heβs 72.
Everyone who can, take a moment out of your day to call your dad.
ββββββββββββ
the male pumpkin told the female pumpkin ................you look gourdish today boo me love dad
ββββββββββββ
Exaggeration is a billion times better than understatement..........................love, dad
ββββββββββββ
Is it true that if you teach a wolf to meditate it becomes an "aware wolf" ?
ββββββββββββ
If swimming is good for your figure how do you explain whales?
Bad aina, I almost didn't send it.......................................Love dad
ββββββββββββ
Have a good night everyone, and see you soon!
Is something you don't want to hear at a capital punishment.
Is a floptical delusion.
I'm bipolar
Good news is, Iβm cured!
The bitter, better-batter bought her butter!
A good cop wears a goodge.
It sucks!
PunGent
Tried posting in Dad jokes sub and I guess it was the wrong place for a triple pun.
a medijoker
Me: It wasn't good for the Titanic.
About 3 weeks!
It's 5050
Ra ra ah ah ah, ro ma ro ma ma, ga ga ooh la la, want yo bad romance.
Itβs 5050
If good;
The good news is there is no bad news.
If bad;
The bad news is there is no good news.
Patient: Good news please. Doctor: we're naming a disease after you.
