Just ate this, now i get butterflies in my stomach (is it how you use it idk im bad at English)
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EqualZero
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2019
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my English teacher said I am bad at speaking English. and I replied

unpossible

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fvbc
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2019
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I walked into my son's English Language classroom and told the teacher that he was setting a bad example.

'How?' he asked.

I said, 'At the bottom of my son's homework you put 'A for effort' when clearly it starts with an E.'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2018
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In an alternate universe, Hercules was a girl.

Her name was Himcules

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πŸ‘€︎ u/callmefinny
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
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Hope a large fraction of y'all have a sense of humour
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πŸ‘€︎ u/simwalkedaway
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
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My friend just got a PhD on the history of palindromes. Now we call him Dr Awkward.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mefingers
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2019
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i just learn that sorry is improper grammar and that the correct way to say it is i'm sorry

(sorry bad English)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/brohemianrasputin
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
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The other day someone asked if I could name the Japanese term for those ninja throwing stars.

I said, "Sure I can."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nuez_jr
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2016
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When you combine english and math.

When you combine english and math.

You get many nouns and many unnouns.

*(bad spelling intentional)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/martinri_cz
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2019
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Need help with a pun

Hello people of reddit i need a huge favor my friend's birthday is coming soon and i need to tell her happy birthday include a pun with her name. So if any of you got a pun it will be awesome.

Her name is Valerie

Sorry for the bad english not my first language

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πŸ‘€︎ u/armikai
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2018
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I guess dad jokes are universal, just got dad joked by my foreign language penpal

I have a penpal from Spain I talk to a lot. Today we were chatting on Google Chat in English, and the topic of whether or not sea lions were dangerous came up.

Me: okay google says "sea lion saves man" has 976,000 results

Her: that man has sinked so many times

Edit: Bonus, she continued laughing at her own joke.

Her: hahahahaha

Her: i cant stop laughing

Her: it was so bad joke

Her: hahaha

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πŸ‘€︎ u/digbybare
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2014
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Science Puns

One of the funniest school puns; science puns

Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium? It went OK. If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they’d be alloys.


The optimist sees the glass half full. The pessimist sees the glass half empty. The chemist sees the glass completely full, half with liquid and half with air.


If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate.


A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage. He says, β€œNo, I’m traveling light.”


Did you just mutate for a stop codon? Because you’re talking nonsense!


How did the English major define microtome on his biology exam? An itsy bitsy book.


What did Gregor Mendel say when he founded genetics? Woopea!


Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? He’s 0K now.


I wish I was adenine, then, I could get paired with U.


Anyone know any jokes about sodium? Na


Two chemists go into a bar. The first one says β€œI think I’ll have an H2O.” The second one says β€œI think I’ll have an H2O too” β€” and he died.


A couple of biologists had twins. They named one Jessica and the other Control.


Did you hear the one about the recycling triplets? Their names are Polly, Ethel, and Ian.


Why can you never trust atoms? They make up everything!


What element is a girl’s future best friend? Carbon.


I had to make these bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.


Why are chemists great for solving problems? They have all the solutions.


What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.


What did the male stamen say to the female pistil? I like your β€œstyle.”


I’m reading a great book on anti-gravity. I can’t put it down.


I have a new theory on inertia but it doesn’t seem to be gaining momentum.


Why can’t atheists solve exponential equations? Because they don’t believe in higher powers.


Schrodinger’s cat walks into a bar. And doesn’t.


Do you know the name Pavlov? It rings a bell.


What does a subatomic duck say? Quark!


A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a beer. Bartender replies β€œFor you, no charge”.


Two atoms are walking along. One of them says: β€œOh, no, I think I lost an electron.” β€œAre you sure?”

β€œYe

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2017
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Got my gf with a delayed effect.

So last night we were brushing our teeth before going to bed, and I ask her "You know why eating a clock is a bad idea?"
She looks at me funny, because she knows what's coming.
"Because it's very time consuming."
She just rolls her eyes, and goes to bed. But because the joke was in English, and English isn't our first language, I think she didn't quite get it.
A minute after she lies down, I hear a loud groan coming out of bed, followed by "that was really, really lame, honey!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Smallwater
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2015
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I made a dad joke.

First of all sorry for any spelling or grammar errors.

My friend had a bad pain in his right shoulder. He went to the female doctor who did all the things doctors do.

I waited him outside because I was driving, and I waited for a about 30 minutes.

Finally he was done and we were ready to go home. I asked him how it went and he said to me that the doctor is really nice and good looking and that she was all over him, checking the arm, shoulder and the back, joking that she wanted him.

And I jokingly said on english "She want's the D", he said yea dude and smiled and I continued "Diagnose".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Siziph
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2016
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Got my son on his birthday

OK, yesterday was my sons 6th birthday and he wanted some sort of dog-robot for present but i didnt want to trow money away because i know what they (he and second son) do with toys :) so i told my wife that i would buy him skateboard, because he asked it half-year ago for it, wife said ok, but please buy him also new slippers.

I picked up him from nursery and sit him in his seat and asked him what he want for present, he still wanted robot. Then i told him that i want to buy him something he can ride. He was so exited, he asked me is that a car, i said " can u drive", he said "no, i am too yung", then he asked is that motorbyke, i replayed same, then he asked is that bike, i aksed him, does he already have bike, and he replayed yes, alse happend for scooter. After that he didnt have any more ideas. Then i told him that i will bought him slippers, because u ride slippers (sords of it :D) he was so angry/mad/sad i cant explan :D

ofc i bought him skateboard, but that was so funny for me, that look on his face when he heard slippers, omg

sry for grammar and bad english

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πŸ‘€︎ u/goodye
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2015
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My dad just pulled this one of at the restaurant in Italy, (we're Danish)

Waiter comes in with his bad English and asks "Finnish?" My dad replies "no, Danish" and points at us!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TMDaniel
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2013
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Never thought my dad would do it

My parents are both immigrants from Taiwan and came in the mid 80's. We've always owned restaurants (currently have a Japanese steak house this is important for later) so their English isn't all that bad and has improved over time. I've never gotten a single dad joke from him. Ever.

Que yesterday we are driving home from a family dinner to celebrate his birthday. We all get into the vehicle and my mom says in Chinese "You've got something hanging onto your shirt, it looks stringy. Is that a spider web?"

I respond, "What? That's his pet, he can't raise a pet spider?"

Dad says, "Yeah I raise them really big and fat so we can make spider rolls at the restaurant." (Spider roll is typically softshell crab in a roll with other stuffs for the non-sushi fans out there)

I groaned, chuckled, then reveled in all that was my first dad joke. It was awesome. Thanks for reading guys! Sorry it's so long.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DROpher
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2015
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Every god damn time we're eating at a restaurant in a foreign country

After eaten everything, the waitor comes to take the plates. Waitor: Are you finish? (As in done, typical bad english) Dad: Noo, We're Norwegian..

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Got_my_bacon
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2014
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Hi

(Sorry for bad English)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DomSchra
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2019
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