Dad: Son your going to take over the family company
Son: But vacuums suck
Dad: Thats my boy
The internet seems to be going ape over monkey pox.
My teen going over to a friend's house looks in mirror: What state is my face in?
My wife: Kansas
I felt so proud of her.
The only thing you gotta do if your gf is mad at you and going full swing like Amber heard is to keep dropping the "F" bomb over and over again
I was going over data set concepts with my 9 year old
Like median, mode, range, etc. when he came up with the following
"Dad, why does the rest of the data set not want to be friends with average?"
"Because average is mean"
What do you call it when a woman over 35 is going to give birth to triplets?
A Gerihattrick pregnancy.
what did the police tell the heart after pulling it over for going to fast?
You're under cardiac arrest.
An officer pulled over an old lady going over the speed limit with three other ladies in the backseat on Interstate 55.
Good Evening mam, do you know the speed limit is 45 km/h here? Why were you going at 55?
Oh sorry, the old lady replies. I thought the interstate number was the speed limit.
So, would you mind telling me why the others are shaking in the back?
Oh that. We just got off from Interstate 120.
I'm going to be working on my next dadjoke over the next few days. In the meantime, I'll keep u posted.
The police pulled over a semi going 120 mph on the interstate. Upon opening the trailer, they found thousands of ancient cutting tools similar to an axes but with the cutting edges perpendicular to the handle rather than parallel.
In the French Court of Louis XIV, going to the bathroom happened all over the place, but loud farting was really stigmatized. So people experiencing gas had to rush to a specifically appointed room called the...
If I go bald, I'm going to get rabbits tattooed all over my head.
Because, from a distance, they'll look like hares.
My wife is going through a tropical food craze. There are fruits all over the house!
It's enough to make a mango crazy!
Instead of going to the beach, many mathematicians are dividing the opposite side of a right triangle over the adjacent side
They say it's a better way to get a tan.
I asked my North Korean friend how it was going over there.
He says he can't complain.
A drunk dude decided to drive and get more beer. After being pulled over and questioned by the cop, the cop said “ sir I’m going to have to put you under arrest.” The guy then said
I never like going over to MC Hammers house
He never lets me touch anything
I pulled over a truck going 80 miles an hour in a 55 zone. He had a cargo of axe-like tools used for shaping large pieces of wood.
I was pulling my trailer over a steep hill and just as I started going downhill the trailer passed me and crashed at the bottom of the hill.
I guess it went down without a hitch
The new tourism slogan for Wisconsin isn’t going over so well.
“Come smell our dairy air!”
My family was going around in a circle all making jokes. It got to my dad, and he didn’t say anything. I lean over and say to him:
Once this pandemic is over, we're going to have to use BC and AC to refer to 2019-20..21?
Before Covid-19, After Covid-19
My dad (grandpa): I'm having the solar guy come over today, we're going to redo the whole system.
Me (dad): You're going to redo the whole solar system?
My dad: Yeah, we're gonna put in a new transformer and replace some cable and add some panels.
Me: But where are you gonna put Jupiter?
My son: Daaaaaad!
This is a family favorite. My grandpa got pulled over going the wrong way down a one way street.
The cop goes, "This is a one way street!"
My grandpa replies, "How many ways was I going?"
When Hurricane Harvey hit I made a few jokes that didn't go over well. So for this hurricane, Irma not going to do that.
I used to have a bird that would tell me he was going to break the cage and take over the household...
State Police pulled me over for going 7 mph over the speed limit. He said he would let me off with a warning, though.
I said, "Thanks. You're a real trooper."
I'm going to design decorative sleeves that go over women's handbags and call them...
Officer pulls over Mr. Heart: Do you have any idea how fast you were going?
Mr. Heart: I wasn't even moving!
Officer: Exactly! You're under cardiac arrest.
My boyfriend became a dad on a road going over a mountain.
Me reading sign: [Road] Summit - 356 m.
BF: Sigh... It's all downhill from here.
Got my gf as we were going over our finances
We live together and split the bills. She sends me the money via EFT. She usually puts a little note in the memo section. This time she writes "You have a nice butt."
I replied to the email notification, "You just paid my butt a compliment."
Professor: Okay, Today we will be going over WW1, I'll try to get done with it as quickly as possible.
Me: I'm sure that's what the soldiers said too.
I got pulled over by a cop for going down the wrong way down a one way street...
He said "sir,do you realise this is a one way street?"
I said "but officer, I was only going one way."
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