Three months without a haircut, my hair has gotten so long I’ve been brushing it straight back to disguise its length. Today my wife asked, “Are you ever going to get a haircut?”
I replied, “I’ll mullet over.”
Was in a bar when this guy said to me, “I’m going to attack you with the neck of a guitar!” I shot back...
My son has recently taken up an interest in music. We're constantly going back and forth trying to stump the other with trivia. He thought he had me when he chorused, "Hey, dad, what genre are national anthems?!" I laughed, "That's easy!"
Hey son, your mom is going back to tax accounting and I’m going to open a mortuary, know what we are going to call it?
Chinese rocket remanats are going to fall back to earth this weekend
2000’s kids are generation Z and 80’s-90’s kids are generation Y, if we keep going back we get to generation U.
If you have wine from that time is it genuine?
Back to not going to the gym I suppose.
What is going through carwash with windows down and dog in back seat?
My friend was going to barbecue baby backs but fell in the way to the grill...
After going back to college to get yet another degree, some of my friends made fun of me for it.
They were some real 3rd degree burns.
Back when ww3 was scary, this pun was going around, still funny tho xD
In honor of my father for Father’s Day, I’m going to tack you back to the 1990’s. This is rural southern America please read in southern accent.
Me: Daddy I’m thirsty!
My dad: Hi thirsty I’m Fridy lets go Saturdy and get a Sundy.
I’m sure it’s not original but it makes me laugh to think of how I was making my dad insane asking for a DRIIINNNKKK and he would always come back with this.
I bought a copy of MS Office, but I dropped it on the road going back to my car...
...well, that's the Word on the street.
A college kid finished up his spring semester and is going back home to see his parents.
Son: Hey Dad! It’s great to see you again, I like your new beard.
Dad: Thanks son. When I first stopped shaving I didn’t like it, but then it grew on me.
My wife is finally going to watch Back to the Future
I told her it's about time.
People used to laugh when I bought vinyls whilst they bought CDs. Now CDs are going away and vinyls are coming back in..
One may say that the tables have turned.
My wife thinks it's really funny to stick first class stamps to my back. I've asked her when she's going to stop.
She says she'll keep me posted
I was going to give the lady in Lavaridge her Pokemon back..
But I thought, "Wynaut? I'll just keep it."
What is heavy going forward and not going back.
I just told my dad I’m going to take a shower, he says “don’t forget to put it back when you’re done.”
"I'm going to the store to get some cigarettes, I'll be right back"
My dad when going back to university...
Dad: I got an A on my essay!
Me: That's really good dad
Dad: Yea it's a good start, but what other letters should I use?
My friend was self councious about his arm and back fat so he started going to the gym.
The results were a real weight off his shoulders.
Studies show when car-pooling, when going through a tunnel, people who sit in the back are shown to experience more anxiety.
Scientists call it "car-pool tunnel syndrome"
My fiance is going back to school
She was originally going to school for radiography but has changed her mind and decided to go a different route
Her: "I'm going to major in Kinesiology."
Me: "What's that?"
Her: "It's the study of the human body with relation to movement and fitness."
Me: "That sounds neat. What do you already know about it?"
Her: "Next to nothing. But I also don't know Chemistry. Well, except for the basics."
Me: "What about the acids?"
My son said, 'I'm going to text my girlfriend back.'
I said, 'Why on earth is your girlfriend called Back?'
Why are you going to the back doctor, Quasimodo?
At work my boss said something that offended me. And when he wouldn't retract it, I walked out and I'm never going back, I'm through with that place. You know what he told me !!!
I bought a magnet, but it keeps going from happy to sad and back
Cache registers are going to be the only thing Robot Johnny's memory has to look back on
I am going to get a tattoo of a cigarette on my back...
That way it will be a bad habit tat.
Apple is ditching SSDs and going back to spinning disks
Tim Cook claims they're revolutionary.
For work I give tours of local national parks. After taking a holiday, going back to work was...
My wife grabbed my butt this morning as she went out the door announcing, "I'll be back, I'm going to check the mail."
"I think you already did!" I replied.
Does it count if my little kids didn't get it?
Going back to what started this sub...
When the person who invented the drawing board couldn't quite get it right, what did he keep going back to?
Me: Just going out but I'll be back.
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