I caught my wife with another man

Some stories have hooks.

This story has a bloody good one.

It's about loveā€”

Or at least marriage.

My marriage.

At heart, it's your typical fish out of water story, but like I said there's a hook.

The hook's in the beginning.

Although it's really the tail end that's most movingā€”at least now, when our love's drying up.

Understand:

I'm a fisherman, and I caught my wife with another man.

Well, I caught the man first.

I used Craigslist.

But I suppose the details don't really matter. It's enough to know that by the time he was naked in the shed it was too late for him to change his mind.

He broke down easily. He wasn't particularly thick skinned.

That's where the hook came inā€”

pushed through a fold of flesh on his back.

He wasn't much in the size department, but I didn't intend for him to get hung up on it. Unfortunately, he kept trying to escape, so what choice did I have? Then he seemed quite insecure, so I pierced him with another steel hook just in case.

Like I said:

Bloody good hook.

After he stopped struggling, I took him down and dragged him to my boat. Then we went fishing.

Hold on, though.

I may need to backtrack a little, because you may be wondering how I even knew she was out there.

The answer is: I'd already seen her swimming a few times.

It was love at first sight.

Like many couples nowadays we met on the net.

So back to when I was fishing:

I was in my boat with the Craigslist man with the steel hooks in his back. I had tied a thick rope to one of the hooks, placed the man onto a net, and pushed them both overboard. He splashed and choked, attracting a lot of attention.

I waited for her call.

It came.

She sounded so near to me.

When she swam just close enough to the Craigslist man in the water, I pulled in the netā€”and there she was: shining, mine to the gills and writhing so enticingly!

I took her ashore.

I placed her in a water tank and told her she would be my wife.

I screwed herā€”

shut.

For days I watched her bangā€”

on the glass.

Until one day it happened: the glass cracked, the tank broke open, and with the water she spilled onto the floor.

Now here I am, watching my marriage fall apart.

Her gills are barely stirring.

Her face: dry and still.

It's only her scaly tail that's still gently moving.

I caught my wife with another man. I met her on the net. I thought our love would last forever, but now, listening to her shriek, I realize I was catfished! I wanted to marry a sirenā€”but this thing is nothing

... keep reading on reddit āž”

šŸ‘︎ 4
šŸ’¬︎
šŸ‘¤︎ u/normancrane
šŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2021
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Internet Puns

A great bundle of Internet puns; enjoy!

You despise Microsoft FrontPage as a web editing tool and as extensions to your webserver.


You can answer the question ā€˜is the internet brokenā€™ without laughing.


You can spot the theme behind the following list: RedHat, SuSE, Debian, Caldera, Slackware.


You can feel the load a server is under without actually checking statistics. It ā€˜just isnā€™t running rightā€™ actually makes sense.


You maintain more than four websites and do not have time for a personal web page.


You know all of the following people by reputation and can explain what theyā€™ve done that is relevant to your world: Steve Case, Linus Torvalds, Eric Allman, Sanford Wallace.


You know what TCP/IP stands for, not to mention DNS, HTTP, SNMP, BGP, OSPF, and DUN. You like acronyms.


I think Bing could have totally crushed Google if they had called it ā€œBangā€. I mean, think about it.. ā€œI BANGED Emma Watson last night.ā€


The Internet: where men are men, women are men, and children are the FBIā€¦


On the Internet you can be anything you want. Itā€™s so strange that many people choose to be stupid.


Girls are like an internet virus: they enter your life, scan your pockets, transfer money, edit your mind, download their problems and delete your smileā€¦


Chuck Norris created the World Wide Web using a typewriter. When Chuck Norris plays hide and seek, even google canā€™t find him.


A press release: ā€œYesterday, for the first time a hacker was convicted of network penetration and went to jail to serve a 12 years sentence. According to the data of the central computer of the police, the hacker goes to liberty the day after tomorrow because of expiration of the sentence.ā€


Justin Bieber got 100,000 retweets for tweeting ā€œLive life fullā€. Thatā€™s just 3 random words. Iā€™m going to try now. Jockstrap squirrel potatoes.


Facebook: ā€œMy kids are perfect.ā€ Instagram: ā€œMy kids are beautiful.ā€ Twitter: ā€œMy kids are why I drink.ā€


The facts on this website are Chuck Norrisā€™ smallest acheivements. If you knew what he was really capable of, you would never sleep at night.


Teacher: If you spend all your time sitting round playing on the Internet, youā€™ll be fat and useless when you grow up. Pupil: Wow! You must have spent hours surfing when you were a kid!


What kind of doctor fixes broken websites? An URLologist.

... keep reading on reddit āž”

šŸ‘︎ 2
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šŸ‘¤︎ u/Punsville
šŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2017
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