Funny Winery Puns

This evening, my party (miraculously) managed to clear out the Winery without me, the DM, having to intervene as a Dark Power and save the Wizard's ass (sadly).

After dealing with the druids, this same Wizard found the Gulthias staff, and as he cast Identify on it, I read out it's stat block to the party.

> DM: If you use this staff for a melee attack, blah blah blah, expend one charge, blah blah blah, you heal for the damage you dealt, yes, and you make a Wisdom save or else... Uh... Fun stuff happens that I'll tell you about when we get there...

Obviously I felt stupid almost spoiling a negative side effect that I wasn't sure I wanted to spoil (I feel like this would make the staff an even more useless item, considering it didn't match any of the party member's style). Miraculously however, the Wizard and Cleric together came to the brilliant decision that since Ireena was the party's main melee-fighter (cleric mostly uses spells and the second wizard is a bladesinger with a magical sword, so no staff), she should use it!

Now I can't wait for the party to think "oh hey Ireena is finally useful in combat" only for her to suffer madness from using the Gulthias Staff!

Thanks for your help, guys! We have some cool design ideas... but not a whole lot of solid names. We have had other successful wineries, but those have been family-named. Now we are looking for some interesting ideas... let's have some fun with this! Throw some names out at us!

I definitely think TSM has helped me over the last year. I've been 99% compliant and I've taken my commitment to changing my drinking seriously. I can absolutely say that the quantity I drink has significantly decreased and I couldn't chug if someone paid me. I was a 1-2 bottle of wine/night girl for the 2 years before I started TSM and after I began taking NAL my consumption started averaging 3/4 to 1 bottle (sometimes only half and I'd have to force myself) per night. I also totally stopped day drinking (aside from the occasional winery or brunch with friends). During lockdown I got really out of control and if there was an open bottle of wine in the morning, I would down whatever remained before I had lunch. That was really my rock bottom because I completely lost myself between March and June of 2020. It's funny to think that my lowest period only spanned 3-4 months because it feels like I was in that space for years. I knew I needed help and started TSM in December of 2020.

My experience hasn't been miraculous. I've had periods where I'm consuming way less and other times where my drinking has had a major increase again (thankfully never as bad as 2020). I noticed that I was drinking a lot again towards the end of last year and some of that I can link to the holidays and the fact that my entire family's enjoyment relies on alcohol. Every single last person in my family is a heavy drinker. My boyfriend is not a drinker at all and I usually feel better about my drinking when my family is around because they make me look like I barely drink. A lot of my friends are pretty regular drinkers as well - wine nights/wineries/bottomless brunch/breweries...it's hard to get away from it. Which is actually why I wanted to do TSM because totally abstaining seems impossible and also - I don't want to be the odd person out and never have a drink again. That doesn't seem realistic or enjoyable.

Anyways, like I said I drank a lot more over the holidays and through the New Year. On Jan 4th, my dad had a going away party for my brother because he and his wife were moving from DC to South Carolina. I worked 9 hours and barely ate all day before going over to his house. As usual, more wine was poured into my glass after every sip I took because my dad likes us all to drink as much as he does. I felt like I was buzzing but not out of control. On the way home, something came over me and I started a fight with my boyfriend over nothing (in front of our 2

So, seeing as the event is coming to a close, I thought I would share my favourite/funny moments from the Windtrace event. I wish I recorded these games, but I don't know how to record my game (can you do it in game, or do you need a third party software?)

First one:

I was playing a Rebel. We started in Dawn Winery. While hiding, I decided to hide right behind the wall that surrounds the Winery as a lamp. I left some bait next to me because I thought it made my hiding look convincing. Cut to two minutes left when the hunter receives favour (note they haven’t found anyone yet). Everyone is revealed, and they made a b-line straight for me. I panic and start running away. When they try to catch me, they trigger my bait next to me, blinding them (I think, I dunno). Then, for the next 1 minute and 30 seconds, this player constantly tries to catch me and fails. I keep running and dropping bait behind them, and I think they keep triggering them. Even with the hunter having increased speed and me having decreased speed, they still couldn't catch me. I run towards the end of the map, and they stop chasing me and decide to look for others. The game ends, and none of us were captured.

TLDR: Hunter uses favour to reveal everyone's location. Get targeted and chased for a minute and a half like something out of Tom and Jerry, and somehow not get caught throughout all that.

Second one:

I was playing the Hunter. We started in Dawn Winery (this actually happened after the game above, would you believe). When the game started, I first went to the balcony above the Winery entrance. When I arrive, I find a lamp trying to escape. First capture. Next, I go to the roof to see if anyone else is there. I look down and see Thoma running away. I manage to catch up with this player and capture them (they turned into a chair and tried to run away). After that, I went back to the entrance of the Winery and turned on Mysterious Hunch. I followed the path and went to the left side of the entrance, and activated capture. I somehow caught the third player (I think they were hiding as a lamp in the bushes). That game took 40 seconds (39 to be exact). I also found out there's an award you get when you beat the game in 120 seconds. I did that in 1/3 of the time.

TLDR: Game starts with me as Hunter. Somehow catch everyone in 40 seconds.

So, those are my stories. What about you? Do you have any stories from this event to tell? I really like this event because it's one of the rare ones t

There's some seriously dark Mormon bullshit in my family orbit this week. I don't want to process it right now, so I thought I'd share my favorite family legend about Toquerville and ol' Brigham instead. *May not be 100% true*

Back in 1850 something, my ancestors, the Jacksons, were sent to Toquerville to work in the winery and "sell the product to some neighboring Catholic mission." (Note: This is a lie. Sacramental wine was used in the Mormon church until the late 19th century. It's like when Jesus drank grape juice, ya know.)

But Mr. Jackson and his brother were very naughty and stole wine, hid the barrel in the creek, and would stop over after work to refresh themselves (or get rip roaring drunk). A younger family member caught wind of this and told on them. Well, Brigham got Big Mad and cursed the town, but not before telling the members who were still in good standing with the church to relocate. Some relatives are still kicking around Toquerville to this day and really haven't improved their situation at all in 150 years.

So. The twist.

I heard this story all the time growing up. It is pretty funny if you know the kind of people I'm related to, very on-brand. Then one night I was at my in-law's house for dinner and my FIL told the same story, but from the other side! You see it turns out my husband's ancestors were among those told to leave Toquerville before it was cursed! When he was finished I shared my family's version and "Isn't that interesting? Some kind of Holes-esque cosmic karma has been resolved by our marriage!"

In laws were not amused 🤣

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

Absolutely incredible episodes this week. This write-up was more than enjoyable to get done! I'm also finishing this on Thursday the 13th when I'm always screenshotting episodes at like 11:49 on Sundays. Woohoo!

JANUARY 17TH

RHOA, S8E11, 2016

Phaedra is in Washington for the 20th anniversary of the Million Man March, and since they are going to be discussing Save Our Sons there, she invites Kim Fields and Sheree, both of who have sons themselves. Porsha is also invited - probably needing to learn there are more than 265 days in a year and the underground railroad was indeed not an actual railroad.

They meet with congresswoman Frederica S. Wilson, who is wearing a bedazzled fourth of July cowboy hat and an American bow tie necklace. She talks to the housewives about the reality for black boys and men in America, and that "people really don't like African-American boys." It's heartbreaking. Kim Fields thinks that these subjects are much too heavy for her sons, especially Sebastian, her eight-year-old. Phaedra is upset, and says she doesn't have the option of "sugarcoating reality to her sons."

The old lady gang is excited about the restaurant idea that Kandi and Todd have, but they don't want ot be cooking or working, just wanting to be the face of the place.

Kenya talks to her aunt Lori about her mom refusing to open the door for her last week, and why Lori left the reunion early. Lori is upset with Kenya, as she got a call from her sister asking Kenya to leave her alone, and Lori thinks that her sister has every right to not have contact with Kenya, now and since she gave her up as a baby.

Nene makes an appearance and says the queen is back.

RHOP, S1E1, 2016

In my opinion, this is one of the best series premieres in the housewives universe, as we learn so much about the women and they bring the drama.

Meeting the women within the affluent suburb within Maryland and just outside of D.C, we meet Katie, Charisse, Gizelle, Robyn, Ashley and Katie!

Gizelle starts off telling us she is not only a legacy but a pedigree, and that Karen just grew up on a farm. She was married to a pastor, but he couldn't be monogamous, so she and her three daughters are doing just fine on their own!

Karen believes herself to be the complete leader, and is very proud of marrying the "black Bill Gates".

Katie introduces herself as someone who is desperate to get married, her boyfriend is a wonderful dad to her kids from a previous relationship, and pressure

The doctor says it terminal.

Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.

THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB

Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"

I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual

So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes

r/unclejokes for dirty jokes

r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC

r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes

Punchline !

Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub

Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat

This week we have Jurassic Quest, the Critical Mass Columbus Bike Ride, you can join a Pirate Party at Forge Tavern, or dance the night away at the Taylor Swift Dance Party. There's also a Groundhog Day Beer Tasting and a presentation by the The Minimalists. All of this on top of comedians at the Funny Bone, tons of live music, trivia and board games.

Hope you guys are staying warm, have fun out there.

^All ^events ^in ^EDT ^Timezone.

Things To Do This Week in Columbus, OH - Jan 27th - Feb 3rd

==============================================

Jan 27th, 2021 - Thursday

One Time Events

Recurring Events

Do your worst!

I know it sounds bad but at least read all the way through then I’ll take your judgment as you see fit.

My (26f) fiancé (28m) and I are getting married this spring. He’s got a younger sister (27) I’ll call Mary, they’ve always been close growing up, and she is also married with a toddler. Mary and I get along just fine but our personalities are quite different - she’s very outgoing, social, type of person while I’m the more reserved, introverted type. Neither is better, obviously, and I still love her so I asked her to be one of my bridesmaids.

We’re getting closer to the Big Day and my bachelorette trip came up. It was just a simple weekend with my girl friends at a resort/spa out of town and we had a winery tour, hiking, etc. planned. Low-key, nothing wild.

The first night there Mary got wasted on the minibar in her room before we even made it to dinner. She kept saying it was her “weekend of freedom” without the “ball and chain” then clarified that her husband was the ball and her kid the chain. (I didn’t find it all that funny but humor is subjective..?) The second day we had a gorgeous hike planned and we only made it halfway before turning back because Mary was so hungover but refused to stay behind to rest.

And on the third and final night she disappeared from the live music lounge we went to after dinner, didn’t show up again until an hour and a half before checkout still partly intoxicated. I was pretty embarrassed but didn’t say anything to her. Then when we got back into town and the other girl who’d rode with us was dropped off, she said she needed to stop at the pharmacy and came back to the car with a Plan B pill she tried to hide.

I don’t like to judge people but her behavior over the weekend was worrisome to me. We’ve been back for two days now and I think I should tell my fiancé. I also want to tell him I don’t want her to be a bridesmaid anymore because I don’t really want someone standing up with me on my wedding day who doesn’t hold their own vows seriously. My fiancé even ended up not asking one of his friends at all for a similar reason. But WIBTA if I kicked her out of the wedding party so close to the big day?

How the hell am I suppose to know when it’s raining in Sweden?

Mathematical puns makes me number

Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.

But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.

We told her she can lean on us for support. Although, we are going to have to change her driver's license, her height is going down by a foot. I don't want to go too far out on a limb here but it better not be a hack job.

They were cooked in Greece.

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

He lost May

Now that I listen to albums, I hardly ever leave the house.

Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?

Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"

Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

And now I’m cannelloni

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

But that’s comparing apples to oranges

And boy are my arms legs.

Heard they've been doing some shady business.

but then I remembered it was ground this morning.

Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale

Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments

BamBOO!

They’re on standbi

A play on words.

It's a New Year and a chance to try something new. This week we have The Russian Winter Festival, the Winter Jam, and the Winterfest. You could go Boozin' In Your Onsie Bar Crawl or solve a Murder Mystery with Death of a Gangster or just go Ice Skating at the Riverside Crossing Park Ice Rink. Shadowbox Live is also showing the Best. Sex. Ever., a sketch comedy & music show. We've also got multiple comedians performing, plenty of music, and tons of trivia on Thursdays. Dive in!

Things To Do This Week in Columbus, OH - Jan 6th - Jan 13th

Jan 6, 2021 - Thursday

Put it on my bill