Boss texts me: β€œSend me one of your funny jokes!” I reply: β€œI’m busy working. I’ll send one later.”

Boss texts me: β€œThat’s hilarious, send me another one!”

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pgtart
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2019
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Why do dads tell dad jokes?

Because they want to see their kids all groan up.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2019
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Two whales are in the ocean, and one whale says to the other:

OOOoooOoOOOooOOooOOOoOOOoOoOO...ooOOOOOoOOOOoOoooOoOoOOOOoooOOOOoOooOoooooOooooo...oOOOOoOOOoOooOOOOoOooOoooooOOOoooooOOoOOoOOoOOOOOoOooooOOOO...oOOoOoOOOOOOOOOOooOoOOOOOOOoOOOooOOOoooooooooo...OOOoOoOoooOooooooOOOOooooOOooooooOoooOooooOooOoOoOoooOOoooOoOoOoooooo...oOOOoooOOooOOooOOOooOOOOOOoOOOOoooooOOOOoOOOOooooOooOooOoooo...OOoOOOoooooOooOOoOOOOOOOOOoOooooOoOOOoOOOOoOooOoOOoOoOoOoOOOOOOOOOOoO...oOoOoooOoOOoOoOoOoOOOooOOOoOOOOOOOOoOOOOOOooOoOooOOOoOooOo...OOOoooOoOOOooOOooOOOoOOOoOoOO...ooOOOOOoOOOOoOoooOoOoOOOOoooOOOOoOooOoooooOooooo...oOOOOoOOOoOooOOOOoOooOoooooOOOoooooOOoOOoOOoOOOOOoOooooOOOO...oOOoOoOOOOOOOOOOooOoOOOOOOOoOOOooOOOoooooooooo...OOOoOoOoooOooooooOOOOooooOOooooooOoooOooooOooOoOoOoooOOoooOoOoOoooooo...oOOOoooOOooOOooOOOooOOOOOOoOOOOoooooOOOOoOOOOooooOooOooOoooo...OOoOOOoooooOooOOoOOOOOOOOOoOooooOoOOOoOOOOoOooOoOOoOoOoOoOOOOOOOOOOoO...oOoOoooOoOOoOoOoOoOOOooOOOoOOOOOOOOoOOOOOOooOoOooOOOoOooOo...OOOoooOoOOOooOOooOOOoOOOoOoOO...ooOOOOOoOOOOoOoooOoOoOOOOoooOOOOoOooOoooooOooooo...oOOOOoOOOoOooOOOOoOooOoooooOOOoooooOOoOOoOOoOOOOOoOooooOOOO...oOOoOoOOOOOOOOOOooOoOOOOOOOoOOOooOOOoooooooooo...OOOoOoOoooOooooooOOOOooooOOooooooOoooOooooOooOoOoOoooOOoooOoOoOoooooo...oOOOoooOOooOOooOOOooOOOOOOoOOOOoooooOOOOoOOOOooooOooOooOoooo...OOoOOOoooooOooOOoOOOOOOOOOoOooooOoOOOoOOOOoOooOoOOoOoOoOoOOOOOOOOOOoO...oOoOoooOoOOoOoOoOoOOOooOOOoOOOOOOOOoOOOOOOooOoOooOOOoOooOo...OOOoooOoOOOooOOooOOOoOOOoOoOO...ooOOOOOoOOOOoOoooOoOoOOOOoooOOOOoOooOoooooOooooo...oOOOOoOOOoOooOOOOoOooOoooooOOOoooooOOoOOoOOoOOOOOoOooooOOOO...oOOoOoOOOOOOOOOOooOoOOOOOOOoOOOooOOOoooooooooo...OOOoOoOoooOooooooOOOOooooOOooooooOoooOooooOooOoOoOoooOOoooOoOoOoooooo...oOOOoooOOooOOooOOOooOOOOOOoOOOOoooooOOOOoOOOOooooOooOooOoooo...OOoOOOoooooOooOOoOOOOOOOOOoOooooOoOOOoOOOOoOooOoOOoOoOoOoOOOOOOOOOOoO...oOoOoooOoOOoOoOoOoOOOooOOOoOOOOOOOOoOOOOOOooOoOooOOOoOooOo...

To which the other replied: Shut up, Frank. You're drunk.

πŸ‘︎ 629
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chateau512
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2019
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Ladies and gentlemen, I present my father
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/myers_jr
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2013
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Rash decisions
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ollismith
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2013
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I think he was drinking with some buddies last night...
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/neregekaj
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2013
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Dad usually types on his phone with one finger.…

...until today when I caught him texting with both his thumbs.

Being the sarcastic smart are son of his, I asked " when did you learn to type with both thumbs?" he smiled and happily replied: "The day I learned I was Ambi'text'rous".

He laughed for about 5 minutes and proceeded on to tell mum and my brother about his funny pun

Good one dad.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cheesues
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2014
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My friends never have understood my fondness of dad jokes...
πŸ‘︎ 979
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2013
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Don't be sad, because sad backwards is das...

And das not good.

All credit for this joke goes to /u/Xiphers's Mom. I tried cross posting it here to give full credit to OP, but this sub only allows text posts. Here's the original post: https://old.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/bxeoqo/my_mom_has_a_board_with_attachable_letters_and/?ref=share&ref_source=link

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RemarkableRyan
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2019
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Now that Elon Musk has launched his Tesla Roadster into orbit, why is space soon going to be full of diseases?

Because it’s no longer auto immune.

(Told to my by my actual dad. The screenshot of his text got removed from /r/funny :( )

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2018
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[help] Christmas-related pun for spreading cheer and kicking ass.

My sister is a teacher at a private high school for kids with learning and behavior difficulties. She just texted me for help with a funny slogan about spreading cheer and kicking ass.

Basically, each student "adopted" a teacher and they're going to do some sort of obstacle course. They're Santa's helpers, and have hats, shirts, and swords. She just came up with this idea at the last minute and would like help thinking of a punny tagline.

Any ideas?

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/allthedoll
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2015
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My dad at a restaurant

We were at a chinese place and we ate everything but a few vegetables. My mom asked if we should bring anything home. My dad asked the waiter for a take home container for the glasses of water

It was hilarious. But in text doesn't seem as funny. Fuck it. I'm posting this anyways.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ“…︎ May 25 2015
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Exchange between a friend who is a statistics professor and his daughter (he's on the right)

http://imgur.com/a/Uhd4b

I submitted to /r/funny but apparently text messaging posts break one of the mods laws or something. Thought y'all might appreciate it instead.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LadySiren
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2016
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Pie vs Cake

I'm sitting at work doing things and I get a text from my dad.

>" What's the area of a circle?"

Like a good son, I reply back to him. >"pi*r^2"

Without missing a beat, he sends back. >"No. Cake are squared, pie are round."

My coworkers looked at be funny after I sighed loudly and chuckled.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tanmaker
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2014
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Showed my Dad the pic making fun of Rihanna's deep Birthday Cake lyrics. This was his response.

I texted the picture making fun of Rihanna's Birthday cake lyrics from /r/funny and he responded:

"Cake can be deep, depending on how many layers."

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fourfourjew
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2014
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I posted the 20th one on the list on here last year. Redditors must run LifeBuzz.

http://www.lifebuzz.com/funny-texts/

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/scottBIGG
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2014
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Someone thinks I'm funny...

My boss just texted me: β€œSend me one of your funny jokes!” I texted him back: β€œI’m busy working. I’ll send one later.” β€œThat’s hilarious,” he said. β€œSend another one!”

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dane-Direct
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
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