A list of puns related to "Funny Crack"
Asteroid was taken.
A mathemachicken
A giant list of puns
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.
Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.
Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.
How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.
I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.
I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.
My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.
Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.
How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.
What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.
Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.
What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.
What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.
Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.
How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.
The shovel was a ground breaking invention.
A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.
What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.
I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.
What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.
I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.
Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.
Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"
Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.
Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.
A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.
After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.
I used to be afraid of hu
... keep reading on reddit ➡With an itheberg! :)
(Sorry if this isn't as funny as the other jokes here! I just can't help but crack a smile when I hear this one. It's so cheesey and adorable to me! So I figured I'd try and share it with you all! Have a nice day!)
Me, eyebrow raised: “And why is that sweetheart?”
Her: “Because mine has a crack in it!”
I actually laughed. I don’t really know where she heard the joke or if she even knows why it’s funny, but it’s a good start to the day.
Proud dad moment.
I was playing with our toddler when for whatever reason Humpty Dumpty popped in my head. I started trying to think of a funny rhyme about Dumpty cracking open and being unable to pay for US medical care and thus now lives a pain-addled, poor life. Yeah, idk.
Anyway, I couldn’t think of the original second half of the rhyme and so I asked my wife. She told me the rhyme and I said thanks. After a short silence goes by she goes,
“What are you doing, trying to think of another lame dad yolk?”
I didn’t know my son had two dads but I know now
Edit: typos
My friend once told me she watched Regular Show all the time. I said, "I guess you could say you watch it regularly." We are not friends anymore. (True Story)
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!
I wanted to take pictures of the fog this morning… But I mist my chance. I guess I could dew it tomorrow!
Looks tasty. Gimme a pizza that.
Why do eggs hate jokes? The answers always crack them up!
What did the mayonnaise say when somebody opened the refrigerator? "Hey, close the door! I'm dressing!"
Somebody stole all my lamps…. And I couldn't be more de-lighted!
I once met a pig that did karate… We called him Pork Chop!
Coffee has a rough time in our house. It gets mugged every single morning!
My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is starting to improve!
(Source For All Puns Except The First) https://bestlifeonline.com/bad-funny-puns/
Me: Reach for the jalapenos to put on my enchiladas
Dad: Be careful. Those jalapenos can get really personal.
Me: What?
Dad: Yeah, they'll get jalap-en-yo business.
Me: Laugh hysterically
The funniest and shortest puns for kids, you always remember while teaching children puns, try to choose the short ones because they are easy for them to remember and register.
Why are teddy bears never hungry? They are always stuffed!
What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie? A pie-thon!
Where do polar bears vote? The North Poll.
What did the judge say when the skunk walked into the court room? Odor in the court!
Two silkworms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.
The streets in the capital of Afghanistan are paved with Kabulstones.
How does a lion greet the other animals in the field? Pleased to eat you.
What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn? An egg roll!
No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery.
Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove he wasn’t chicken!
What musical is about a train conductor? “My Fare, Lady”.
A man drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.
What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
What animals are on legal documents? Seals!
Why did the lion spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny!
Why did the bumble bee leave the house? It heard the school was having a spelling bee.
Being struck by lightning is really a shocking experience!
How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans!
Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!
Dockyard: A physician’s garden.
What did the angry mother say to the boiling pot of spaghetti? Simmer down!
The lights were too bright at the Chinese restaurant so the manager decided to dim sum.
“What’s purple and 5000 miles long?” “Ooh! I know! The Grape Wall of China!”
Every calendar’s days are numbered.
This duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. “Four bucks,” says the bartender. “Put it on my bill.”
I used to be twins. My mother has a picture of me when I was two.
What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch!
When does a well-dressed lion look like a weed? When he’s a dandelion (dandy lion).
Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a-salted.
A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is
... keep reading on reddit ➡I broke my jaw, my cheek bone and cracked my skull in 2 spots.
It's funny because it's true.
Always wear your helmet.
I have a scrawny, little, younger sister and we always have a seafood buffet for Christmas dinner.
Sister: "Hey, dad can you pass me the shrimp and I want some mussels too please?"
Dad: "Here's the shrimp, for mussels you're gonna have to go to a gym and do some exercising" [continues eating his food without ever passing the mussels]
Sister: "Hey, dad....."
Pops: "Hay is for horses, this is seafood."
This was especially funny due to the fact that he kept a poker face the entire time and never made eye contact with my sister, being completely serious and never cracking a smile. These exchanges happen at least 7X a day.
He’s always been hilarious, in a non-dad-joke way, just naturally cracks people up. But he has had some decent dad jokes since he became a father and my personal favorite is this.
He is a little short, so he was using a step-stool to grab something.
Me: Bro you really need a step-stool?
Him: Yeah, my real stool left me when I was five.
I just stood there, taken aback by the fact he just made a dad joke. It was actually pretty friggin’ funny.
This is directly translated from greek, but you'll get it.
Me: Hey, dad, do you have any money?
Dad: Yeah, don't worry about me.
He cracks up and searches all over the house for my mom to tell his joke.
I didn't want to admit it, but it was pretty funny. Almost forgot about the money. Almost.
A lot of Hungarians and a few Romans lining up with me (alone) at the terminal. I can hear that they speak English, they're all murmuring to each other. At the last second our terminal gets changed and we have to leave the airplane we were lined up to board behind. Instead we walk down another terminal that leads to some stairs that leads onto a bus.
We all pack in, I'm positioned somewhere in the middle of the masses when I announce "This is a funny looking airplane!"
EVERYONE looks at me. Not a smile. Not a smirk. Nothing.
I crack up laughing at how funny I am.
The kids didn't find it funny either....
When she woke up this morning, I had coffee on the kitchen counter for her. a few minutes later she was talking about the new bed we bought, and having it come in on Monday. So, I make a crack about "testing" the new bed Monday night...
Wife: aaargghhh... you make me crazy. (as in "you're an idiot, stop talking to me")
Me: No, I made you a coffee. It's on the counter... remember...
I've been waiting so long to use this...
Me: Good morning, sir.
Supervisor: Morning, you're painting until sometime after noon. I need you to go pick up some parts for me.
Me: Sounds like a plan, Stan.
Supervisor: Funny guy... Okay, I'll call you later.
Me: Actually, you can just call me Tyler.
Supervisor didn't even crack a smile, but my life has been worth it now. #dadjokes
Walking through town with my daughter who has been asking for a Nintendo Wii for a long time.
Daughter asks for one because she got a good report.
No.
Asks for one if we see it on sale.
No.
Asks for one if she does all her chores for 3 months straight.
No.
Asks for an early birthday present.
I crack. "Ok honey, I'll take you for a wii"
Arrive at public toilets and tell her to go and get one.
"You're not funny dad"
Not only has my dad told ME this joke a million times, he tells it to every new person he meets. All of them. Best occurrence was the first time I'd brought a new girlfriend to dinner.
How do you get a one armed man out of a tree?
You wave.
Key him cracking up and my girlfriend going (in what I suppose is an ironically placed dad joke), how did your son end up not funny? Did someone wave at you when you were carrying him?
back story: So my mom had a friend come over last night and i was in the kitchen getting a glass of water. They are talking about board games for whatever reason. So here's how it went down.
Mom: my favorite board game is sorry! Friend: my game of sorry is ruined because my son spilled milk on it. me: oh I'm "sorry" to hear that.
I cracked up. they didn't find it as funny.
Two older gentlemen in my line at the grocery store were buying some food. One of them didn't have enough, and he told his friend he was a little short. His friend replied, "That's funny, you look pretty tall to me!" before cracking up and handing him a five. He didn't stop chuckling till he left the store.
A giant list of puns
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.
Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.
Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.
How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.
I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.
I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.
My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.
Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.
How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.
What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.
Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.
What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.
What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.
Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.
How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.
The shovel was a ground breaking invention.
A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.
What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.
I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.
What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.
I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.
Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.
Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"
Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.
Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.
A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.
After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.
I used to be afraid of hu
... keep reading on reddit ➡What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.
Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.
Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.
How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.
I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.
I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.
My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.
Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.
How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.
What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.
Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.
What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.
What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.
Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.
How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.
The shovel was a ground breaking invention.
A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.
What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.
I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.
What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.
I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.
Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.
Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"
Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.
Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.
A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.
After the accident, the juggler didn
... keep reading on reddit ➡When asked the question, "What came first, the chicken or the egg" the boy stared out the window for a few and came back with...
"I don't know, dad, I can't crack that one."
He had no idea why I was laughing so hard.
We would look funny.
Told this joke to my dad as a kid and he cracked up. I didn't get the joke til the next day when he told me he'd shared it with a coworker and gave me credit for making it up. I had thought he was just humoring me for being a kid and trying to impress my dad. My favorite dad joke, and I still tell it.
You tell it a funny yolk.
I hear it really cracks them up.
Alright, alright omelet you get on with your day
So lets all make a skeleTON of puns while i play the tromBONE and send chills down their SPINE. Those where just examples as they were tibial puns, but it might have been enough to hit your funny bone. So lets all bone our punny puns and take a crack at making spooky jokes. Remember to make more spooky puns today or you will be the one with no backbone.
Afterwards, when were putting our shoes back on, one friend put her shoe on the wrong foot and says: "whoops. I put my shoe on the wrong foot" To which I replied: "it helps if you put it on the right foot... Unless it's the left shoe."
Really funny guy, he cracked me up!
Grandpa: When I picked up my shell it just cracked up. Dad: Well did you tell it a funny joke? the only one laughing
So as a mechanic I was able to dad joke my managers at work. Walked up to one of them and said
"Looks like she needs a belt. Someone must have told it a really good joke."
So he just goes "alright" and keeps going on with his work.
I respond with "I don't quite think you got it."
He says "What was that? Tell me again."
So I repeat myself. He says "Why is that?"
I said "Because it's all cracked up!"
He just lets out a long drawn out sigh while the other one goes "huh, that's funny."
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