Funny Breathing Puns

Terrible Underwater Breathing Apparatus

Edit: good lord, I didn’t know someone else posted this previously. I thought it was funny as heck and my kids rolled their eyes when I told it SO THERE.

I jokingly told my wife and 5 year old daughter that I was hiding a puppy in a box until Christmas.

Daughter: I hope you poked holes in it so it can breathe!

Me: puppies can breathe out of their nose and mouth why would I poke holes in it!?

I thought it was funny..

She read out the last sentence that said "If you have any information, please contact owner."

My dad just muttered under his breath "That's a funny name."

This was quite a while ago, I was probably in middle school (currently 26). My family took a quick day trip to Universal Studios Hollywood since we live in the greater LA area. Now to set the scene, my dad is a native of Mexico but has lived here since his late teens so his English is pretty good with a tinge of an accent since Spanish is his primary language. We park in the parking garage on property and we do the usual "make a mental note of where we parked for later". That's when I see a smirk come across his face as he turns to me laughing under his breath.

-"What's so funny?"

-"Notice where we parked?"

-"Yeah. Jurassic Park lot, 3B"

Cue dad

-"Jurassic Park..." half expecting me to laugh. He continues "Jurassic Park... Jurr-Ass-is-Parked"

facepalm

As terrible as it was at the time, I've tried to pull this joke out with friends years later, eye rolls and crickets. Thanks dad.

I remember when I was about 14, my dad and I were in the car and he was about to pull out of a drive way when he immediately brakes because of a (overweight) women rushing to get across.

Women: "Sorry! Don't run me over." (Jokingly)

Dad: "Haha Im not"

Dad: (Says under breath) "I don't run over livestock...

It takes me a minute, but I then proceed to laugh uncontrollably for the rest of that ride. When I remind him about it now, he says it was funny but mean and he takes it back.