Full Size Puns

BUT, when I tried to drive it, it wooden go.

Credit : u/johnnycrosshatch

They told him it wasn't a big dill, though.

...that they had to go and make USB?

Dad: William.

A fizzisist!

"I'd prefer a full size shower, thanks"

...with a full-sized ship's steering wheel attached to the zipper of his pants.

The bartender says, "There's a steering wheel attached to your zipper, doesn't that bother you?"

The pirate replies, "Argh, it's driving me nuts."

It's a family tradition to make homemade chili when it gets cold out. My girlfriend and I went through a full size crocpot of it in one afternoon. The next day I stepped outside for a smoke and suddenly, it hit me like my ass had just struck oil. I ran inside, scrambling towards the back of the house, but she thought I was running in from the cold and asked, "Chilly out, babe?" To which I replied "All of it!!!!"

edit:grammar

I've asked my dad for a couple of changes around the house lately. After I mentioned something else today, I remarked that our family could use a suggestion box, but then said that I realized it would quickly be full of requests for La-Z-Boy recliners.

Dad replies: "But we've already got our own full-sized lazy boy!" and of course starts laughing as if he were the funniest dad ever.

Watching an advertisement for sheets and they were listing sizes.

Fiancee: what's the difference between a queen and full queen?

Me: Dinner

The text

Full size pic

Mum (referring to the garden): "I'm going to continue digging up those beds if anyone would like to help."

Me: "that depends; are they twin-sized or full?"