Fork Food Puns

My food tasted smoky but least I got a shock out of it

That would be its utensil strength.

I was making food, beating an egg with a fork and the missus said

"Add salt in the egg"

So I replied

"I'm already assaulting the egg"

My wife let out an audible groan and left me chuckling in the kitchen.

‪Me: Forks make cutting food a lot easier‬

‪Wife: But they’re meant for stabbing food‬

‪Me: Then why don’t they just have two prongs?

‪Wife: Because then it wouldn’t be called a four-k ‬

‪I’ve taught her well ‬

My young daughter is still learning to microwave food. She attempted to reheat some of her food last night, but left the fork in the bowl. The wife caught it and pointed out that it could cause the microwave to explode and potentially hit grandma who was sitting with her back to the microwave.

Wife (to daughter): "You wouldn't want Grandmom to get hit by glass shrapnel and a fork would you?"

Me (interjecting): "Well, at least then I would have a reason to say your Mom is really forked in the head."

The MIL nearly choked on her food, but laughed and could appreciate the joke. She know she cray cray.

Wife: ewww...use a fork. That's disgusting!

Me: I'm sure the food will taste as good as it did before-hand.

I saw a white, fluffy thing swinging through my local cake shop. Suspect it was a meringue-utang.

I was out driving the other day and I spotted two packets of cheese & onion crisps walking down the road. I said, “Do you want a lift”. “No thanks”, they replied, “We’re Walkers”.

I was in a cake shop the other day, they were all £5 apart from one that was £10. I asked why it was so expensive, the shop owner said “that’s maderia cake”.

Bought some cream, it said “store in a cool place”. So I left it in the Doctor Who studios.

Local ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.

I used to love doughnuts, but I got bored of the whole thing.

A man says “I keep finding custard in one ear, and jelly in the other”. The doctor says “I’m afraid you are a trifle deaf”.

I bought a waffle iron the other day. Get really annoyed with wrinkled waffles.

How do you make an apple puff? Chase it around the garden

What do they call a man who abandoned his diet? DESSERTER.

Ice cream is exquisite… –what a pity it isn’t illegal.

The optimist sees the doughnut, the pessimist sees the hole, and the realist sees the calories.

Why did Eve bite the forbidden apple? Because it tasted better than Adam’s banana.

Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.

Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because it’s too hard to put them on the bottom!

When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When it’s been sliced.

What did the cake say to the fork? you want a piece of me?

Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? Because it was marble cake!

What happens when no one comes to your birthday party? You can have your cake and eat it too.

What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!

A birthday greeting: For someone special as you, only ANGELFOOD would do. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Did you hear there are two suspects in Two Ton Charley’s death? BEN and JERRY.

Don’t eat too much fudge, or else you will have so much pudge you won’t be able to budge.

You know you’re a mom if… Popsicles have become a staple food.

Mexican candy makes my taste buds say “OLE!”

FORGET LOVE… I’

Family: eating food

Brother and Sister arguing about who sits where

Me: Hey, both of you shut the fork up!

Dad looks at me proudly and smiles

Dad: Hey, that wasn't very knife

laughs and smiles at him

Me: What, too spoon?

mom just sighs and leaves the table and brother and sister stop the arguing

A few minutes after our food showed up, I got to witness this beautiful conversation.

Struggling Coworker: Chop sticks are just prongs, they should be way better at picking up food!

Manager: Didn't your mother ever tell you that two prongs don't make a fork?

Today we were discussing using a fork and knife to eat food that usually don't require it.

Me: I have to have a fork and knife. I can't eat a chili dog using just my hands

Dad: me neither. I usually have to eat it with my mouth

Thanks dad.

My boyfriend was just finishing up cooking for his friends as one of them was plating the food. He (friend A) asked his girlfriend (friend B) to find him a fork.

Friend A: "did you find a fork?"

Friend B: "no, but I do have a spork!"

Friend A: "I don't need that, I hate using sporks!"

Me: "aw, don't be such a spoiled spork!"

I at least got a groan from one of them