I just love when food is packed with more food
My wife and I went out for dinner and ended up with food poisoning. She ate some bad chicken and got salmonella
while I ate some bad salmon and got chickenella.
I saw a man with a sign that said “Will work for food.”
I was in a food fight at school & accidentally hit the principal with a stale cafeteria bun...
...the jerk had me charged; assault with a breadly weapon.
In addition to Taiwan, the US has also sold torpedoes to Vietnam. Rather than pay money, they traded with a huge bulk of food. The weapons are now called ...
Pho Ton Torpedoes.
(A consequence of reading a front page post about the sale to Taiwan while watching ST:TNG.)
A hungry man is more satisfied eating food than a man with full stomach.
Except if he is a cannibal.
Made this one up in collaboration with my daughter and we’re kinda proud: Which knight is the protector of foods?
So I got really hungry today with no food around, so I ate my clock.
It was very time consuming
I'm sorry, I just had to play with my food
Germans are so childish, they always play with their food.
My daughter just came home from camp with food poisoning...
... I guess you could call her a Hurl Scout.
Me with my friend in a restaurant after finishing food
Waiter asking me how would you like to pay sir? Cash or Card!
Me looking at my friend: PayPal
I saw an interview with Sean Connery about how he used to scuba dive for seafood. He said, "everytime I saw a crab or lobster with a scrap of food, it was frantically seaching for a place to hide so it could eat alone. Then I thought to myself,
wife came back from the store with a bunch of my least favorite foods...
My wife always orders her Indian food with the highest level of spiciness.
Today I was wearing a shirt with the family crest of my favorite painter Frida Kahlo. After a few hours I started to get hungry and ordered takeout. When my delivery person arrived he handed over my food without taking any money for bringing it to me. I asked him “How come there’s no charge?”
He replied: I was going to charge you, but I noticed you had Frida Livery”
Checking out with the cashier at Costco when he asked "do you wanna box for your food?"
I said you dont want these hands son.
I was at the museum and saw a painting of a bowl, with milk and some kind of food inside.
What’s the deal with airline food? (COVID-19 Themed)
Dad: What’s the deal with airline food?
Kid: I don’t know dad, what?
Dad: I don’t know either I’m quarantined
Grocery store lettuce know we can leaf with safe food
A bunch of star wars food puns I made with my brother
I have a problem with airline food...
I was checking out at the grocery store and the cashier didn’t put the batteries in the same bag with my food and I said it’s cool go ahead and put them in the same bag I don’t care he looked at me with a straight face and said…
Is that how you get your electrolytes?
I guess the food is more fluid with the guests
What do you call Thai food that is made with chicken?
polynomials (algebraic expressions) are not to be confused with poly gnome meals (food for plastic gnomes)
A local fast food joint had a grand opening with a fireworks display...
There were lots of Sonic booms that night.
A boy was feeling very nervous about his first date, so went to his father for advice. "My son, there are three subjects that always work with women: food, family, and philosophy." The boy picks up his date and they stare at each other for a long time...
The boy's nervousness builds, but he then asks, "Do you like potato pancakes?"
"No," comes the answer and the silence returns like a suffocating blanket.
"Do you have a brother?"
"No."
After giving it some thought, the boy plays his last card, "If you had a brother, would he like potato pancakes?"
This is one my 7 year old son said to me... I had a closed fist up to my face with my little finger extended and picking food out of my teeth. My thumb was also extended out. He looked at me and with a smirk on his face said to me...
I MUST have bread with my Indian food
That’s just naan-negotiable
Whoever called the loops in malls with restaurants "food courts" missed a huge opportunity. They ought to be cul-de-snacks.
Never get into a relationship with food.
I was frying some food to go with my fish and my dark started barking
So I screamed “HUSH PUPPY”
When I was done with my food the waiter asked if I want the bill
I went to a restaurant with two friends the other day one of them ordered a rare steak and the other asked for a medium rare steak. When we got our food they had each other's steaks,
I then instinctively yelled "I guess this was just a big 'mistake'"
What do you call a panda who has been tricked with food?
I was stuck on a boat with no food in the middle of the ocean with just a deck of cards.
My wife likes to make all her food with raw ingredients. She was obsessed with making dough though.
She kept telling me she kneeds it.
Never bribe someone with Indian food.
You could be accused of currying favour.
Got my wife with a food joke.
Wife: Did you hear Buca di Beppo (an Italian restaurant) is serving a three course dish called Friends, Romans, and Countrymen?
Me: Will we need to bring corn?
Wife: I don't know. Why?
Me: I assume we will need to lend them some ears.
'At a restaurant with food still on my plate' Server: "You wanna box for that?"
Me: 'It's not worth fighting over'
You know what's wrong with Chinese food?
I recently had some Chinese food with Foo Fighters front man Dave Grohl, and his brother:
I ate my food with a charged fork
My food tasted smoky but least I got a shock out of it
What food goes best with an arcade game in which you hit toy moles, which appear at random, back into their holes?
I was doing my food shopping when I noticed some bananas with clown faces drawn on them. I thought to myself, they're a funny looking bunch.
Whats the deal with airline food?
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