I just love when food is packed with more food

That stuff is great

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Uckioh
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife and I went out for dinner and ended up with food poisoning. She ate some bad chicken and got salmonella

while I ate some bad salmon and got chickenella.

πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Beezneez86
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I saw a man with a sign that said β€œWill work for food.”

So I gave him a coconut.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DestroyatronMk8
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I was in a food fight at school & accidentally hit the principal with a stale cafeteria bun...

...the jerk had me charged; assault with a breadly weapon.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2020
🚨︎ report
In addition to Taiwan, the US has also sold torpedoes to Vietnam. Rather than pay money, they traded with a huge bulk of food. The weapons are now called ...

Pho Ton Torpedoes.

(A consequence of reading a front page post about the sale to Taiwan while watching ST:TNG.)

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Metalprof
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2020
🚨︎ report
A hungry man is more satisfied eating food than a man with full stomach.

Except if he is a cannibal.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kitianoxx
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Made this one up in collaboration with my daughter and we’re kinda proud: Which knight is the protector of foods?

Sir Anwrap

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/man_without_wax
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2019
🚨︎ report
So I got really hungry today with no food around, so I ate my clock.

It was very time consuming

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SprxtGaming
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm sorry, I just had to play with my food
πŸ‘︎ 44
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CorgiWithABowtie
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Germans are so childish, they always play with their food.

They play Gluten Tag.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DBTheNerd
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
🚨︎ report
My daughter just came home from camp with food poisoning...

... I guess you could call her a Hurl Scout.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/actuallyboa
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Me with my friend in a restaurant after finishing food

Waiter asking me how would you like to pay sir? Cash or Card!

Me looking at my friend: PayPal

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sbbk100
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I saw an interview with Sean Connery about how he used to scuba dive for seafood. He said, "everytime I saw a crab or lobster with a scrap of food, it was frantically seaching for a place to hide so it could eat alone. Then I thought to myself,

that's shellfish."

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/timthedriller
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2020
🚨︎ report
wife came back from the store with a bunch of my least favorite foods...

a bunch of grosseries

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tsetterdahl
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife always orders her Indian food with the highest level of spiciness.

She’s very curry-ageous.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bobskimo
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Today I was wearing a shirt with the family crest of my favorite painter Frida Kahlo. After a few hours I started to get hungry and ordered takeout. When my delivery person arrived he handed over my food without taking any money for bringing it to me. I asked him β€œHow come there’s no charge?”

He replied: I was going to charge you, but I noticed you had Frida Livery”

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/linknt01
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Checking out with the cashier at Costco when he asked "do you wanna box for your food?"

I said you dont want these hands son.

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fartingpinetree
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I was at the museum and saw a painting of a bowl, with milk and some kind of food inside.

It was surreal.

πŸ‘︎ 155
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NameTheTrait
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
🚨︎ report
What’s the deal with airline food? (COVID-19 Themed)

Dad: What’s the deal with airline food? Kid: I don’t know dad, what? Dad: I don’t know either I’m quarantined

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ElSwGames
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Grocery store lettuce know we can leaf with safe food
πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ucchan801
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2019
🚨︎ report
A bunch of star wars food puns I made with my brother
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Penguin_1ord
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I have a problem with airline food...

...it tastes too plane.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/spangonia
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2019
🚨︎ report
I was checking out at the grocery store and the cashier didn’t put the batteries in the same bag with my food and I said it’s cool go ahead and put them in the same bag I don’t care he looked at me with a straight face and said…

Is that how you get your electrolytes?

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I guess the food is more fluid with the guests
πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mehaxe
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call Thai food that is made with chicken?

Hentai

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/absolriven
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2019
🚨︎ report
polynomials (algebraic expressions) are not to be confused with poly gnome meals (food for plastic gnomes)
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tananar
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2019
🚨︎ report
A local fast food joint had a grand opening with a fireworks display...

There were lots of Sonic booms that night.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2019
🚨︎ report
A boy was feeling very nervous about his first date, so went to his father for advice. "My son, there are three subjects that always work with women: food, family, and philosophy." The boy picks up his date and they stare at each other for a long time...

The boy's nervousness builds, but he then asks, "Do you like potato pancakes?"

"No," comes the answer and the silence returns like a suffocating blanket.

"Do you have a brother?"

"No."

After giving it some thought, the boy plays his last card, "If you had a brother, would he like potato pancakes?"

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
This is one my 7 year old son said to me... I had a closed fist up to my face with my little finger extended and picking food out of my teeth. My thumb was also extended out. He looked at me and with a smirk on his face said to me...

Who's on the phone dad?

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pearly351
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2019
🚨︎ report
I MUST have bread with my Indian food

That’s just naan-negotiable

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dd0sed
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Whoever called the loops in malls with restaurants "food courts" missed a huge opportunity. They ought to be cul-de-snacks.
πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Batshit_Betty
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2018
🚨︎ report
Never get into a relationship with food.

It always turns to shit.

πŸ‘︎ 140
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Teapotsalty
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2018
🚨︎ report
I was frying some food to go with my fish and my dark started barking

So I screamed β€œHUSH PUPPY”

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madijoy14
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2019
🚨︎ report
When I was done with my food the waiter asked if I want the bill

I said no then left

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Muggz_s
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2019
🚨︎ report
I went to a restaurant with two friends the other day one of them ordered a rare steak and the other asked for a medium rare steak. When we got our food they had each other's steaks,

I then instinctively yelled "I guess this was just a big 'mistake'"

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GriffinGelz
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a panda who has been tricked with food?

Bamboo-zled

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Skyfi357
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2019
🚨︎ report
I was stuck on a boat with no food in the middle of the ocean with just a deck of cards.

Luckily I could go fish.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/F1NANCE
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife likes to make all her food with raw ingredients. She was obsessed with making dough though.

She kept telling me she kneeds it.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sanjiroku
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Never bribe someone with Indian food.

You could be accused of currying favour.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BaldrickD2M
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Got my wife with a food joke.

Wife: Did you hear Buca di Beppo (an Italian restaurant) is serving a three course dish called Friends, Romans, and Countrymen?

Me: Will we need to bring corn?

Wife: I don't know. Why?

Me: I assume we will need to lend them some ears.

πŸ‘︎ 259
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xilban
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2016
🚨︎ report
'At a restaurant with food still on my plate' Server: "You wanna box for that?"

Me: 'It's not worth fighting over'

πŸ‘︎ 65
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ihasanali
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2018
🚨︎ report
You know what's wrong with Chinese food?

Too many red flags.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NAMYNNUF
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2019
🚨︎ report
I recently had some Chinese food with Foo Fighters front man Dave Grohl, and his brother:

Egg Grohl

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/stefanhof
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2019
🚨︎ report
I ate my food with a charged fork

My food tasted smoky but least I got a shock out of it

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ubeengnomed
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2019
🚨︎ report
What food goes best with an arcade game in which you hit toy moles, which appear at random, back into their holes?

Guac-a-mole

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PostAbouts
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2019
🚨︎ report
I was doing my food shopping when I noticed some bananas with clown faces drawn on them. I thought to myself, they're a funny looking bunch.
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BenisbacK_1900
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Whats the deal with airline food?
πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bluetube180
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2018
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.