The first five florists I called today knew absolutely nothing about laying carpet or tile.

And suddenly I’m the idiot....

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Arkham_Asylum27
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
🚨︎ report
My florist friend asked me to smell her dianthus caryophyllus

I replied, "What in carnation is that?!?!"

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
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A florist named Chris started a band with 3 of the neighborhood mums. Guess what they called the band?

Chrysanthemums.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/5ir_viver
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Our local florist recently expanded to take in the shop space next door.

Business must really be blooming.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Around the turn of 1900, two Friars move to London to start up a florist shop. Well this didn't sit well with the established florist shop down on the corner.

The other shop owner called his buddy to have someone trash their store. They sent Hugh, big guy like 6'3'' 300pounds. Hugh goes in and busts the store up and scares the Friars off, sending them back to the monastery.

The moral of the story is, Hugh and only Hugh can prevent Florist Friars.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/facts_my_guyy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2020
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Did you hear about the florist who died in an accident?

Turns out he was an Orchid donor

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πŸ‘€︎ u/piratesox
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Florist friars
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrcgu3
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Why didn’t the florist need any friends?

The flowers were their best buds.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Loamawayfromloam
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
🚨︎ report
β€œGood morning,” the new plant said to the florist! The florist replied,

β€œHey bud.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thesoupsocialist
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
🚨︎ report
How does a southern florist exclaim his disbelief?

What in 'Carnation??

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StalinsChoice
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2019
🚨︎ report
I got fired from the florist

I took to many leaves

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SideOfInsanity
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2019
🚨︎ report
How did the florist win the competition for best occupation?

He rose above the rest.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dalek2653
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2019
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I just now realized that a florist is not someone that fixes your floor. reddit.com/r/confessions/…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AltitudinousOne
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2018
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My florist died last week.

He kicked the bouquet.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/logansworth
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Only you can prevent Florist Friars.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MaxGuy5
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2018
🚨︎ report
My friend who is a stock broker on Wall Street wants to open a florist shop...

He wants to stop and sell the roses!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2019
🚨︎ report
why did the florist go out of business?

Too many problems a rose.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2019
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Never buy flowers from a monk...

Only you can prevent florist friars

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shroomtree
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you know robin hood owned a Flower shop?

It was called the Sherwood Florist

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vapurware
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
🚨︎ report
The shipping company has announced a partnership with florists to order flowers online to have them sent anywhere in the world

It's called UPS-edaisy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Possum
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2017
🚨︎ report
A disreputable friend of mine became a florist.

It sounds like a seedy business.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crimote22
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2015
🚨︎ report
Dad was too cheap to buy weed killer, so he made us kids jump on weeds to control them. He always told me:

Only you can stamp out domestic violets.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GotMyOrangeCrush
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2020
🚨︎ report
The punchline

A guy is taking his girlfriend to prom. He waits in the ticket line for a long time but he gets them. He goes to rent a limo. The rental line is really long but he eventually gets the limo. He goes to buy her flowers and the line at the florist is really long, but he eventually gets them. At prom, his girlfriend asks him to go get punch. He goes to the refreshment table and there is no punchline.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/trigger00006
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I met some chess players in the hotel lobby. They were bragging about how good they are.

It was Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2018
🚨︎ report
A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom...

....First he goes to rent a tux, but there’s a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever.

Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there’s a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers.

Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there’s a large limo line at the rental office, but he’s patient and gets the job done.

Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there’s no punchline.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SledgeHog
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2018
🚨︎ report
My friend owns a greenhouse...

My friend owns a greenhouse and was trying to drum up sales for valentine's day. She put out a bunch of posters all over town - in the park, outside city hall, and even in a few convenience stores and restaurants. Just about everyone was incredibly helpful and gave her permission. However, the animal sanctuary owner refused outright and asked her to leave. She was very sad, but in the end, she came to understand that...

>!Only zoo can prevent florist fliers.!<

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FatchRacall
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Long joke ahead, but well worth it.

A while ago, there were some friars who needed to raise money, so they opened up a flower shop. Across the street, there was another flower shop that had already been open for a few years. Afraid of competition, the owner politely asked the friars to sell something else in heir shop. They refused. People liked the new flower shop better, so the first shop’s profits started dropping. Concerned that he might go out of business, the owner of the first shop asked the friars to close their shop. They refused. Some time passed, and the first shop was on the verge of bankruptcy. Desperate, the owner begged the friars to close their shop. They refused again. Then, the owner of the first shop used the last of his money to hire a hit man named Hugh Williams to beat up the friars and trash their shop. He did, and when he was done, he told the friars he’d be back if they didn’t close down. Scared for their lives, the friars agreed, proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent Florist Friars.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
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Hugh Hefner kicked some monks off his property today

The monks were selling flowers in front of the playboy mention when they were kicked out. When asked about it, the monk replied β€œif it was anybody else we would have gotten away with it, but only Hugh can prevent florist friars”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BirdOfPrey37
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2019
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Did you hear about the flower seller who got held up at gun point...

... he was a petrified florist.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cwwspurs
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2019
🚨︎ report
A man was finally asked to prom

So in last hope attempt to impress his date he went to the barbers to get a haircut and there was a big haircut line, then he went to the tailors and found there was a long suit line, then he went to the florist to find a long flower line. After all of this and finally getting to prom with his date, he was very thirsty and decided to get some punch.

Error 404: No Punchline Found

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LucasM__
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2019
🚨︎ report
One of my grandpas dad-joked my other grandpa...

So my two grandfathers we talking to each other at a family dinner, and got on the topic of work history.

Grandpa 1 was saying how he went from being a florist to a manager at a car factory. Grandpa 2 asked how he came about making such a dramatic career change.

Grandpa 1: "Well I always was a plant manager."

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2015
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When i was 17 i brought my future wife to Prom..

Went to get tickets from the office, waited in line for a while but got sorted.

Had to rent a limo, another line in their office but got one pretty quick.

Remembered I needed flowers, ran to the local florist, this time there was a massive line but they looked after me.

Eventually we got to Prom. Future Wife asks me to get her some punch.

I go to the refreshments table

Theres no punchline.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gnrlp2007
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2018
🚨︎ report
Not mine, but from Colin Mochrie in Whose Line Is It Anyway

β€œFamous Playboy Hugh Hefner managed to successfully stop an order of monks from operating a business on his property. The police forced the friars to close down their stall, which was outside the Playboy mansion where they had been selling flowers. Said one friar, well, if it was anyone else we may have gotten away from it, but, unfortunately, only Hugh can prevent florist friars.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/macrian
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Hugh McScary, and no one else, was able to shut down a flower shop being ran by two belfry workers.

This comes to show that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rararasputin88
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend owns a mall (long)

I'm here today to tell you all a horrible story, so that none of you have to go through the same experience as my friend.

My friend, Hugh, is a very religious man, who is also involved in our community. 2 weeks ago, our local church burned down and Hugh believed it was his Christian duty to help them get back on their feet. Hugh allowed the friars of the church to set up a cart in his mall to sell their flowers. Every day, the friars came in at 7:00 in the morning with a bushel of beautiful flowers and began to work diligently to arrange them into bouquets. All was going well, the mall was generating more revenue and the church was making more money than they were by selling the flowers in front of the church on Sunday. Everyone was happy; until that first weekend.

Our town is kinda tourist-y, so we get some out-of-towners on the weekends. A gay couple came to the mall the first weekend that the friars had taken up shop (Typically, our town is pretty progressive, but the friars tended to be uber-conservative). The couple came over to the cart and admired the flowers; they tried to purchase a bouquet, but the friars refused to sell to them. The couple was outraged and went to see Hugh directly. They complained to him that the friars were being discriminatory, so Hugh promised to have a talk with the friars. When Hugh confronted the friars, they refused to sell to the couple on the grounds that β€œthey were committing an atrocity in the eyes of the lord.” The couple stormed off and promised to boycott the cart.

This past weekend, the couple came back with a large group and a letter from the mayor, saying that the friars had to sell to them, regardless of sexual preference. The friars stood firm and refused to sell to them, so the group started a protest. They brought in signs and started chanting around the cart. The friars continued to sell their flowers and Hugh allowed them to remain, so eventually the protest began to boycott the mall, rather than just the cart.

By today, the mall had lost 50% of its normal weekend revenue. The group sent a letter to Hugh saying that they could forgive him if he shut down the flower cart within the week. Hugh was pretty broken up, but he had no choice. To maintain his livelihood, he would have to kick the friars out of his store. He talked with the friars this morning and revoked their previous agreement. The friars had their cart packed and left by 7:30, to huge cheers from the community. The mall has been pretty norm

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/st_pugsley
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2016
🚨︎ report
The first five florists I called today knew absolutely nothing about laying carpet or tile.

And suddenly I’m the idiot.....

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Arkham_Asylum27
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the florist go out of business?

Too many problems a rose.

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2015
🚨︎ report
"Never buy flowers from a monk", Smokey the Bear said.

Only you can prevent florist friars.

πŸ‘︎ 452
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jack_Forrest
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Never buy flowers from a monk

Only you can prevent florist friars

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πŸ‘€︎ u/toolaroola12
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Never buy flowers from a monk

Only YOU can prevent Florist Friars.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheMattRHorn
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Why should you never give a flower to a monk?

Because only you can prevent florist friars.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Deesel3315
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2019
🚨︎ report
A Nice Prom

A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom. First he goes to rent a tux, but there’s a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever. Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there’s a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers. Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there’s a large limo line at the rental office, but he’s patient and gets the job done. Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there’s no punchline.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StardustTurtle
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2018
🚨︎ report
Why should you never by flowers from a monk?

Because only you can prevent florist friars.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/snarkpowered
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2019
🚨︎ report
The ultimate joke

A guy takes his girlfriend to prom. He waits in the ticket line for a really long time but gets them. He goes to rent a limo. the rental line is really long, but eventually he does it. He goes to buy her flowers, the line at the florist is really long but eventually he gets the flowers. At prom, she asks him to get punch. He goes to the refreshment table and there's no punchline.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Never buy flowers from a monastery

Because only YOU can prevent florist friars.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheCoralRocker
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2018
🚨︎ report
Don't ever buy flowers from a Monk

Prevent Florist Friars

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/instacarp
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2017
🚨︎ report

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