A list of puns related to "Florida, My Florida"
I wonder why they are so afraid of shoes down there.
I said, "The owner probably had insurance and kneaded the dough."
The trip was all downhill from there
Iβm thinking of calling C.S.I. My-hammy.
He said, "You have to sneak up on them very slowly.
"It must suck to be a cow in Florida, they're probably really hot" said my mom.
"Yeah probably, but not as hot as they'll be when they're on the grill!" replied dad.
Classic dad.
after making a U turn, when he was pulled over by a cop.
The cop comes up to his window and said, "sir, you're driving the wrong way on this side of the road! Didn't you see the arrow?"
Without hesitating my grandfather replied "Arrow? I didn't even see the Indian!"
(This was in the late 70's so excuse the tactlessness! And was a true story, according to my dad, who was apparently in the car).
My Dad has recently shown a fascination with space and NASA. Long story short, Christmas is coming up and my plan is to surprise him with an all expense paid trip to Florida for 4 days with passes to the Kennedy Space Center. Iβd schedule it around a launch so he would be able to see it in person. As well as checking out the area a bit since weβre there.
Which is where I need your help! I want to coordinate hints with presents that slightly hint at the trip. For example, I picked out a NASA tshirt, a space shuttle plush toy, assorted astronaut ice cream, socks that have planets and a rocket on them, mug that says βcoolest dad in the galaxy,β a map/atlas of florida, and luggage tags. And the final gift Iβm thinking will be a letter that puts all the clues together and would include the plane tickets, car rental agreement, hotel confirmation, and the admission tickets in an envelope.
Can anyone give me ideas on what hints to use??
Thank you so much!! Any type of help is appreciated!! I donβt really have that βcreativeβ part of the mind... whether it be a rhyme or dad joke-y type hint, it doesnβt matter!
Alright so yesterday at dinner my mom and dad told me and my sister that they decided that we would indeed drive to Florida and stay there and rent a place for a few months. The home they picked out is in the same community as my grandparents, I am all happy about this except for the part where we have to drive 1000 miles over 15 hours of driving. So anyway after my sister and I ask some questions about the place he says βdid you know alligators can grow up to 15 feet, but most have fourβ
What tree do you wipe your hands on? A palm tree!
I heard a scary math joke, but Iβm 2^^2 to tell it!
Have you heard of that new movie, βConstipationβ? Well it doesnβt matter, it never came out.
I hurt myself when I went to a theme park in florida. When I went to the doctor, he started wrapping up my left leg, but then I pointed at my right and said βNo, doc, itβs dis knee.β
Last night I got mugged by 6 dwarves. Not Happy.
When Queen Elizabeth farts, everyone in the room must pretend like nothing happened. Noble Gasses donβt cause reactions, after all.
Whatβs the difference between a seal and a sea lion? One electron.
What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises? It becomes Daytrogen!
I called the animal shelter today and said "I've found six kittens in a suitcase in the woods." They said "Are they moving?" I replied "I don't know, but that would explain the suitcase."
Why canβt you trust Atoms? Because they make up everything!
Why do nerds wear glasses? It helps with division.
Why should you tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? You donβt wanna wake the sleeping pills.
What twitches and is found at the bottom of the ocean? A nervous wreck!
What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller!
What do you call a 3 foot tall psychic on the run from the law? A small medium at large!
Help, I canβt stop reading books with female protagonists! Iβm a heroine addict!
How did Sparticus react when he ate his wife for dinner? He was gladiator!
When does a joke become a dad joke? When the punchline becomes apparent!
19 and 20 got into a fight⦠21.
My friend told me, βPeople who sell meat are disgusting!β So I said, βYeah, well people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer!β
How can turtles take photos of themselves? Shell-fie sticks!
What do you call a secret agent molecule? Bondβ¦ ionic bond. βTaken, not shared.β What did the dinosaur say to the other dinosaur? (Cut this part, but make a screeching noise)
How much does Santaβs sleigh cost? $0, itβs on the house.
If America switched from pounds to kilograms overnight there would be mass confusion.
I had a splinter once; it eventually got out of hand.
Iβm going to go stand outside. If anyone asks, Iβm outstanding.
Most people are shocked to find out how terrible an electrician I am!
What do mermaids wash their fins with? Tide Whatβs the coolest place to use the bathroom? The Lil Jon
Did you know that on average, people want three covers on their bed at all times? But thatβs just a blanket statem
... keep reading on reddit β‘Right, so I was in the US to visit my American family in Florida, and my uncle comes up pretty much randomly as we were sunbathing at the pool, and he says: βI got a hen to regularly count her own eggs. She's a real mathamachicken!β
I bursted out laughing and couldnβt stop for another while
When to use a hyphen:
The test asked, "What is the capitol of Florida?"
I wrote, "F".
When I got my test back I learned: Apparently, the answer was "F - ".
My wife: I'm not in any kind of state to be answering questions like that! Me: What questions DO they answer in Florida?
To give a little background: My dad was a truck driver at the time, and he never saw something on the side of the road or that had a "free" sign on it that he could drive by without at least taking a look. My brother in law was a sheriff's deputy. He told this joke to my neighbor, I will try to do it justice.
My dad, his dispatcher(DIS), and lady neighbor(LN) are outside talking and it goes something like this:
Dad: Ugh, What a f--king week. I can not believe it.
LN: What happened?
Dad: I was in Georgia and I saw this cooler in the far corner of the rest area, just as you're about to leave. I looked around and I didn't see anyone... So I figured someone had forgotten it on their picnic... It was a nice ass cooler too. Igloo brand with the heavy duty wheels. It was beautiful.
LN: Let me guess, you took it and the food that was in it?
Dad: Oh god I wish, It was a nice cooler. So, I go over and I'm still looking around in case the owners are still there. So I get to the cooler and I'm thinking "jackpot." The outside looks amazing. So, I go to open it up to see if whatever is inside is salvageable or if i needed to throw it out. I open it up and I jumped back and screamed.
LN: What was in it?
Dad: FEET. HUMAN FEET. I'm thinking what the hell did I just stu...
LN: NU-UH, ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?!?!
Dad: YES I'M SERIOUS.. So by this time, I'm seriously freaking out and I have no clue what to do. I nearly passed the f--k out. I had no idea what I should do.
LN: (with her hands over her mouth in horror) OMG, WHAT DID YOU DO?
Dad: Well, you know my son-in-law is a police officer in Florida..
LN: mmhmm
Dad: Well, I didn't know what to do so I called him.
LN: What did he tell you to do?!
Dad: Call a tow truck.
LN: ....what?
Dad: Get it, toe truck?!
LN: YOU'RE SUCH AN ASS. OMG I HATE YOU.
DIS: Oh, look at that, M*****, I just got word from the office that you're up for this month's random drug test.
Edit: Formatting errors, sorry guys!
Her: βYeah we read Alice in Wonderworld today!β
Me: βOh yeah thatβs the one down in Florida, right?β
I canβt wait to have my own kids and fully ascend.
So we've been driving for about 30 minutes down state route 1 and talking has died down a bit. We're just listening to some oldies on the radio when my dad says, "Flo Rida must be pretty popular down here. I keep seeing his name everywhere." I replied, "really? I haven't seen it anywhere..... Ugh Shut up dad."
Edit: Key West is the most southern part of the state of Florida, USA. Flo Rida is a rapper. Flo Rida is really popular in Florida. My dad saw Flo Rida a lot during our drive in Florida. If you don't get it yet, leave /r/dadjokes
Edit 2 because people keep struggling. If this doesn't help you understand the joke you're lost.
Flo Rida
Flo rida
Florida
I apologize for this wall of text, I didn't know where I should cut out parts because they're all relevant to the story. Sorry again.
Hey TFR people! So for background, I work at a kiosk in a mall where I repair cracked phones and do other mind numbing work that I can now probably do in my sleep. I've been doing this job for a little over two years and can fix an iPhone, for example, in about 15 minutes. I apologize for the wall of text. Anyway, this story happened last night.
So, a family of three walk up (mother, father and daughter) but only the father spoke to me and this is where conversation starts. Note: When I was handed this girls phone she had a case with this image on it and was already about to laugh. Customer will be C and I of course will be Me.
C: How much does it cost to fix my daughters phone and can it be fixed?
Me: Oh it's very repairable, after tax and labor, it comes to $xxx.xx.
C: Do it
Fuck, he's one of these guys...
Me: Alright then, I just need a name and signature on this disclaimer we have.
At this point, I've taken their phone and am prepping to work on it.
C: Do I have to use my real name?
PAUSE Now, over the 2+ years I've worked here, I have never heard this question. So I was kind of taken by surprise by it. For a minute, I thought he was one of those paranoid people. PLAY
Me: Um.. Well I guess you don't have to. It's preferred since we can look you up in our system faster later.
C: Oh ok.
I turn back around and start to use my tools on the phone when customer guy throws me another curve ball question.
C: Can my daughter still play the piano when this is done?
I manage to turn and see him smirking a little and go back to his serious poker face so I pick up that he's joking.
Me: Well I would hope so. Slight laughter
C: Oh ok great! She's never even touched one before so it's good to hear her skill won't change in the slightest.
I'm on the verge of outright laughing at this point. I manage to hold it back and finish my repair. I snap her grumpy cat case back on, hand her phone back when she mentions the home button isn't working.
Oh that's an easy fix
Me: Ah, don't worry. Give me one second and I'll have that fixed.
C: One. Try it now "Insert girls name"
Me: Haha well I haven't done what I need to yet.
I pull out a giant clear bag half full of spare parts.
**
... keep reading on reddit β‘[Driving down an unfamiliar part of I-95 highway with family (wife, 15yo son and 15yo daughter) when I had this conversation with my son:]
Son: Dad, where are we?
Me: Florida.
Son: No, Dad, more specific than that. Where are we?
Me : (reading exit sign) Wickham Road.
Son: Where's Wickham Road?
Me: (pause a bit for effect) Florida...
Son: (frustrated grunt) No, Dad, what town are we in?
Me: (reading exit sign again) Viera.
Son: How far is that from Vero? [our destination]
Me: About three letters.
[Satisfactory groans throughout car. Very pleased with self.]
It's raining really bad right now (we live in Florida). There's rain, thunder & lighting. I was in my bedroom when we hear a loud thunder clap. I heard my daughter scream & I instinctively ran to her room. She sees me, starts to laugh & says "daddy, I wasn't that scared". I reply "sorry baby, I was just checking". She goes "I'm ok, it just shocked me" & then laughed.
Context, we had family over my parent's house and were talking about what all us kids have been up too since we are grown now. They were talking about my cousin that just became an RN when I dropped gold that wasn't appreciated.
Cousin: "Yeah, she is doing great down in Florida now at a great hospital. She's a nurse on a really prestigious floor."
Me: "Hmm, must be made of marble or something."
My cousin: "Huh?"
Me: "It's a prestigious floor. It must be made of marble or something."
No one got it.
Dad came by to pick up my niece and nephew who'd stayed overnight, and there was a hockey game on between the Minnesota Wild and Florida Panthers. My dad looked at the TV and says:
Where's Florida?
Southeastern part of the US. Big peninsula. You've probably seen it on a map?
I mean, sure, he was asking for it, but man it felt good to get the master back.
The debate was between either California or Florida and when discussing pros and cons of each my dad goes, "Well one of these places is much more a-Florida-ble."
So we're on vacation in Florida at Silver Springs (this is a kind of zoo amusement park place). I'm walking around with my dad and we see this massive turtle. I look at the turtle and say "Holy cow!" My dad turns to me and says loud enough for everyone around us to hear: "No Sam, that's a turtle."
We drove to Florida from the midwest for vacation last week. After fun in the sun all week, it was time to go home on Saturday. We had lots of movies for our 3 kids to watch including Hugo, which they had never seen.
My 3 year old doesn't like movies that aren't animated so as soon as she saw I was getting Hugo she starts up the whining: "I don't want to watch that, waa aah" and so on. So I turn around in my seat (the wife was driving) and say "We'll then, why don't Hugo to sleep."
My parents were down in Florida for the week, so I had the house to myself and the following conversation occurred when they came home today.
Dad: Did you vacuum at all?
Me: I was, but just didn't get around to it.
Dad: You know I have some of those in my office.
Me: What?
Dad: Round to its, it is a piece of wood that is round and has the words To It on it. A round to it.
Only been home 10 minutes and was graced with this beauty.
Driving through St. Augustine and my grandma reads out loud a sign that says "Florida school for the deaf and blind" and my dad promptly replies "yeah, you don't see or hear much about that place"
Shocking!
My Dad is up from Florida (fanny pack and dock shoes included) and dropped this one during dinner yesterday.
Not a dad, but this came out when I was talking to my roommate.
Roommate: It's weird, of all the places I've lived the only place I've gotten sunburned is Florida.
Me: That is weird, the only place I've ever been sunburned is on my skin.
Roommate: You're an idiot.
So I was picking up my girlfriend from class. (We live in South Florida so they alway have these vacuum trucks sucking out the debris in sewer drains to keep them clear when random tsunamis happen for 3.2 seconds at a time.) She looks at the truck and says "I would hate that job!" I responded with... "Yeah, it must suck." I think I laughed harder than she did but it made my day.
I went on vacation in highschool with one of my good friends and his Dad and another friend, who is basically the coolest fucking guy you'll ever meet (We call him Cool Daddy Mike). Its not so much a dad joke, more just a fucked up joke my friend's Dad told me, but on our way down to Florida from Ohio, we stopped halfway there to stay in a hotel and finish the drive the next day. Since it was just 4 of us for 1 night we only got one room with 2 king sized beds. When we got to the room his dad looked at me and said "If you woke up one morning with a condom hanging out of your ass, would you tell anyone?" I of course said no I would not. He then said "Well alright looks like we are sharing a bed tonight" and points two finger guns at me. It may seem fucked up but if you knew his dad like we all did, you would have died laughing with us. (Just to clarify I did not get sexually assaulted in my sleep by my friend's dad)
So I work at a hardware store/fish & tackle shop on a fairly affluent barrier island in Florida...tons of rich old WASPs (we're talking DuPont heir money here).
Anyways, a regular comes up to the front register with a saw and some saw blades. I took note of his purchases and said to the guy "How do these work? Some sort of coping mechanism?"
He looked down for a second, began to explain (in a somewhat demeaning tone) how a coping saw works, looked up and saw my shit eating grin.
grooaaannnn "Oh you ass, that was witty. You got me though!"
I later learned that day that his wife had died three months earlier...whoops.
Me: on Wednesday, my ass is going to be in Florida
Friend: where will the rest of your body be?
So me and my family were on our way to Florida for a trip to Universal and Harry Potter world. The five of us were crammed in one of the shuttles that you ride to get to the airport from the far hinterland where you park your car. My little brother, ever the curious one, is asking my mom about our upcoming flight. He asks "So where are we sitting on the flight?" My dad, who up until this point hadn't contributed much to the conversation, got the gleam of a dad in his eye. He gave a smirk and, before my mother could reply, said "Well I don't know about you, but I'll be sitting on my ass."
Dad: Do you know what my favorite wine is? Me: I'm not sure, what? Dad: (in a high voice) "I wanna go to Florida!!!"
My husband and I were recently in Florida and we saw juvenile manatees at the beach. When I retold this story to my dad he said, "Oh, they weren't fully grown? That makes them boy-a-tees. Not man-a-tees."
Family was discussing how my brother's ex-girlfriend's grandmother is being transported to RI to be buried after passing away in Florida.
Me: Isn't it sorta weird... you know.. that there could be a dead person flying in a plane en route to Rhode Island.
Dad: No, not really. I'd say the guy she was sitting next to would be the only one a little creeped out.
He said, "First you have to sneak up on them VERY slowly."
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