Flip Records Puns

Every four years, all the dolphins of the world gather in the Sargasso Sea for a series of athletic feats in their quest to win coveted Golden Clam Shells in the Dolphin Olympics. The most prized event is the famed "fish flip," where dolphins must first corner and then launch a tuna as far as they can through the air using any means necessary.

This year, the overwhelming favorites were Spliffy, a Common Dolphin, and Bianco, a brainy Bottlenose, both of whom were expected to leave the others in their wake. Spectators squeaked and squealed as tuna after tuna was flung up to twenty-five meters through the air, before splashing back into the ocean. All eyes now turned to Spliffy and Bianco as they weaved through the course, chasing their silvery prey. Everyone held their blowholes in nervousness, anxiously waiting to see who would be champion of the seas.

Just as Bianco spectacularly cut inside Spliffy with an acrobatic roll and was about to launch the tuna skyward, out of nowhere, a giant, lumbering shadow appeared. An gigantic barnacled tail sprang upward, sending several tonnes of ocean water and one unsuspecting tuna fish into the clear blue Atlantic sky. Dolphins watched with their beaks ajar as the tuna flew in an arc well over two hundred and fifty meters.

The y couldn't believe their eyes. A Whale! An enormous, annoying, bellowing humpback whale had just set a new Dolphin Olympic record with its humongously large tail. It was an enormous fluke.

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I made this joke up over dinner last night and was met with the best response you can get from a dad joke to kids. "I don't get it".

Save them to your Phone and always have witty jokes at the palm of your hand.

3.14 percent of sailors are pi-rates.

5/4 of people admit they’re bad at fractions.

A bartender broke up with her boyfriend, but he kept asking her for another shot.

A brain walks into a bar and takes a seat. “I’d like some wings and a pint of beer, please,” it says. “Sorry, but I can’t serve you,” the bartender replies. “You’re out of your head.”

A cheeseburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'Sorry, we don't serve food here.'

A college education now costs $100,000, but it produces three very proud people: the student, his mama, and his pauper.

A couple of cups of yogurt walk into a country club. “We don’t serve your kind here,” the bartender says. “Why not?” one yogurt asks. “We’re cultured.”

A friend of mine didn’t pay his exorcist. He got repossessed.

A friend of mine is known for sweeping girls off their feet. He’s an extremely aggressive janitor.

A guy walks into a bar, and there’s a horse serving drinks. The horse asks, “What are you staring at? Haven’t you ever seen a horse tending bar before?” The guy says, “It’s not that. I just never thought the parrot would sell the place.”

A guy walks into a bar...and he was disqualified from the limbo contest.

A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender says, “What’s with the paper towel?” The pirate says, “Arrr! I’ve got a Bounty on me head!”

A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police ask him what happened, the shaken turtle replies, “I don’t know. It all happened so fast.”

Armed robbers—some say they’re a drain on society, but you’ve got to give it to them.

Barbers…you have to take your hat off to them.

Can February March? No, but April May!

Cooking out this weekend? Don’t forget the pickle. It’s kind of a big dill.

Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don't think they'll fit me.

Dad, can you put the cat out? I didn't know it was on fire.

Dad, did you get a haircut? No, I got them all cut!

Dad: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Son: No. What happened? Dad: The teacher woke him up.

Daughter: I have a lot of friends named Nathan. There’s Nathan Miller, Nathan Radcliff, Nathan Lewis… Me: When they are together, do you call them the United Nathans?

Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems.

Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head!

Did you hear about the aquatic sea mammals that escape