The first letter of the sign of a derelict hotel fell off and killed a man.
Technically Moses was the first man to download files from the Cloud...
Maybe a repost, apologies in advance, but man this is surely a first class pun!
A man and his boy are out on their first camping trip...
They get into a huge fight about the best way to start the camp fire.
The two sit in silence for a few moments, cold and frustrated
The dad promptly reaches into his backpack, grabs a pair of scissors and tears into the wall of their canvas shelter.
The son yells, "What the heck are you doing, you maniac?!!?!?"
The dad turns to him, looks him dead in the eyes, and says, "Just trying to cut the tent-son."
Two thistles are arguing over who has the better yard The one turns to the other and says "your dirt is way too loose, man, look" and yanks him up and out of the ground Second thistle looks up at the first and goes
"I artichoke you for that"
Who came first? The man or the woman?
The man, after about 30 seconds.
I tried street tacos for the first time and man they were awful
They tasted like asphalt!
I once saw two men quarreling because both claimed that his family name is Fuck and the other is lying. After seeing their IDs, I found out that only one man was telling the truth, the one with the first name What.
My son kept singing the first line to the Spider-Man song over and over. So we took him to the doctor who gave us the bad news:
Our son was trapped in the spider-verse.
A man and a woman were on their first date.
A man and a woman were on their first date.
“So, I hear you hunt deer,” the woman said.
The man looked away and turned red.
“What’s wrong?” asked the woman.
The man bashfully replied, “I’m not used to someone calling me ‘dear’ on the first date.”
Did you hear about the first successfully cloned man?
Man I worked hard on this for my first post, it has LAYERS
As a colorblind man, i thought i saw red for the first time
Turns out it was only a pigment of my imagination
Did you know the Apollo 11 astronauts arm wrestled to decide who would be the first man on the moon?
A blind and deaf man listens to braille music for the first time.
He says: “This shit bumps!”
Man found dead with no legs FIRST 48: Never stood a chance...
In heaven, there were two huge signs. The first read, "Men Who Did What Their Wives Told Them to Do." The line of men under this sign stretched as far as the eye could see. The second sign stated, "Men Who Did What They Wanted to Do." Only one man stood under that sign...
Intrigued, St. Peter said to the lone man, “No one has ever stood under this sign. Tell me about yourself."
The man shrugged and said, “My wife told me to stand here.”
I met Buzz Aldrin once and asked how he felt being the second man on the moon. "Well..." he said. "It could have been anyone. Right up until we landed, we hadn't decided who would be first out the door. Then, once we touched down, Neil suggested we flip for it."
"And he won?" I asked.
"Well, no..." he mumbled. "The coin was still in the air when Neil jumped down the ladder, the big jerk!"
A young-looking sea captain comes on deck to greet his crew for the first time and one man blurted out by accident, "He's a baby!"
The captain responded, "No shit, I used to be a seaman."
Two muffins were sitting in an oven, and the first looks over to the second, and says, “man, it’s really hot in here”. The second looks over at the first with a surprised look, and answers,
“WHOA, a talking muffin!"
A man was at his funeral where miraculously, he came back to life. However, he soon died again, and a second funeral was held, which went much smoother than the first one.
He must have had a re-hearse-al.
What did the Native American say to the man who had just shown him his very first magic trick?
Watched First Man today. Watched as Ryan Gosling dropped Karen's bracelet into a crater.
Always thought Karen was out of this world.
An elephant saw a naked man for the first time, what did it say to him?
How do you breathe with such a tiny nose?
The man I hired to watch my cattle was afraid of them a first. Now he cares for them like they're his children!
He went from coward to cow ward.
This man nailed his first dad joke while his wife was in labour.
A man and his wife are having their first child
After the birth, a nurse enters the hospital room with a warm blanket for their son.
New Dad turns to the nurse and says, “excuse me, but, is that womb temperature?”
Why did the man not make it to his first case as a lawyer?
A man got a haircut that was shorter than he expected. He didn't like it at first, but a couple of days later...
...he said "I think it's starting to grow on me!"
when man first discovered electricity...
... it was reported that the results were shocking!
The Amazing Spider-Man was the first web comic
Ackchyually, Amazing Fantasy #15 was Spider-Man's first appearance, but whatever.
Amish man got Vanilla Ice on first episode of Vanilla Ice goes Amish. "Did you know I also sing solo?"
"Solo you can't hear it."
My sister-in-law pulled it up on Netflix because it looked like a good laugh. As soon as the old man said that I was dying.
Bill Clinton has always been a good dad, and maybe even First Man.
"If [Hillary] becomes president, I could be called Adam."
What did the blind man say when he listened to Braille music for the first time?
I met Buzz Aldrin once and asked how he felt being the second man on the moon. "Well..." he said. "It could have been anyone. Right up until we landed, we hadn't decided who would be first out the door."
"Then, once we touched down, Neil suggested we toss for it."
"And he won?" I said.
"Well, no." he mumbled. "The coin was still in the air when Neil jumped down the ladder, the jerk."
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